


Tom Holland One-Shots

by starksparker



Category: tom holland - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Best Friends, Cheating, Cliche, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, One-Shot, Reader Insert, Romance, Roommates, Roommates to lovers, Smut, break ups
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2019-06-11 13:32:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 52,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15316563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starksparker/pseuds/starksparker
Summary: A collection of Tom Holland one-shots taken from my Tumblr (starksparker) and Wattpad (starksparker)





	1. Free Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Summary: You and Tom go out to a club with the boys only for things to shift

The club’s music rang through your ears as you sipped on your drink, enjoying the conversation that was taking place at your booth. Sam was telling a story about something that happened while he was France and Harrison went on about the breakfast he’s supposed to have with his mom the following morning. Of course, that conversation prompted the lot of you to check your phones for the time only to realize it was getting late.

Sam and Harry excused themselves first followed by Harrison. The boys were either calling for a ride home or using the restroom, leaving you and Tom to yourselves. You’d both been drinking, not enough to be completely pissed but enough to not be driving and be extra flirty. Tom’s called you pretty a solid twenty times in the time you’ve been at the club and you’ve complimented him right back. The flirting didn’t stop there though, you both danced together, closer than you had before which basically just means you were mostly grinding on him while he encouraged you. It was all in good fun, or at least, it should have been all in good fun.

But, now you’re both sitting alone, and you’re a little too close but neither of you bother to move because maybe being a little close is a good thing, maybe.

“Honest, you look lovely.” Tom says, turning slightly to face you.

“And you do, too.” You smile, turning to face him.

“Thanks for moving in. It’s been fun.” Tom chuckles and his pupils are a little dialed, clouding the golden specs that usually decorated his eyes.

“Never a dull moment at that place.” You joke.

“C’mon,” Tom tilts his head. “Ya know ya like livin’ with me.” You wrinkle your nose and look up, as if to be in thought. “Hey!” Tom yells.

“Kidding.” You put your hands up in defense. “Best days of my life are living with your weird ass.”

Tom chuckles but his normally vibrant smile falters just a little as his eyes land on your hand that was now resting on the table. “Maybe it’s alcohol but I just, you’re really great. I mean, really.”

Your smile follows lead and you nod. “Yeah? You’re really great, too.” You watch his face as his hand slowly moves his hand towards.

“No, no, no.” Tom shakes his head and his words slur together a little. “Like, I mean,” He takes in a deep breath and moves closer to you.

Suddenly, it’s just you and him, no one else. The club could be empty. Hell, it fucking might be because the only thing you can hear is your own heartbeat in your ears with a constant  _kiss him_  playing over and over and over like a fucking mantra. He’s an inch from you and your breath is mixing together and you’re both subconsciously closing in, almost so slow you’re not even moving at all because the both you are fucking hesitant but you both want it. He wants to kiss you and he’s wanted to for a long time and that’s the only thing you think about at midnight when you should be sleeping but you’re too busy laughing at something stupid that was on TV because Tom couldn’t sleep.

“Uh,” Harrison coughs, you and Tom jerking away from each as if being snapped out of a haze. ”Sorry, uh, Lyft’s here, unless you’d like your own…?” Harrison looks between you two, darting his eyes while his cheeks are tinted a shade of red from interrupting a moment he’s definitely been betting on with the twins.

You and Tom take quick glances at each before shaking your heads. “Nah, s’alright, mate. We’re coming.” Tom nods and gets up, offering his hand to help you out of the booth.

All of you meet outside, you and Tom standing on opposites sides of Harrison. The air fell awkward and Harrison found himself shifting in his shoes while you buried your eyes in your phone and Tom dug out his earbuds from his pockets. Harrison interrupted and now you and Tom were clueless. You both almost crossed that invisible line that was drawn. You are friends and you’re roommates but what would have happened had Harrison not spoken up? Would you two have gone through with it? Would you have gone into a full-blown make-out session right there? Maybe continue it at the flat? Or would you both wake up the next morning and blame the alcohol? The possibilities were endless and neither of you were willing to even look each other in the eye at this point.

There were two different cars. You, Tom, and Harrison were getting rides back to your places while Harry and Sam were getting a ride back to their parents. You say your goodbyes to the twins before heading your separate ways.

“So, uh, what’s going on?” Harrison asks once the three of you were seated and buckled, not being able to stand the awkwardness that surrounded the three of you.

“Nothing.” You and Tom said simultaneously.

“Oh, well,” Harrison rolled his eyes. “Seemed like there was something.”

“It’s nothing. Leave it.” Tom says with an eye roll, leaning his arm on the edge of the door and his head on his hand.

Harrison looks to you and you simply shake your head before moving your stare to your window. The rest of drive remained quiet until you reached your flat. The only words that were spoken were a goodbye to Harrison before you and Tom hopped out and headed to the door. He opened it for you as usual and you thanked him but the elevator ride to your third floor home was torturously quiet. What were you supposed to say? You couldn’t just ask what he was so quiet about because you were doing the same thing. You knew why. And he couldn’t just ask you what you were thinking because then you’d ask back. So, it remained, completely silent.

“Uh, right, you need the shower or anything? Was gonna head in and go to bed.” Tom mumbles as he ditches his coat on the coat rack.

“Yeah, uh, just give me a sec and I’ll be out.” You nod, barely looking at him before heading to the bathroom.

You do your nightly routine as quick as possible and leave the bathroom to Tom without another word, something that never happens. You two always tell each a quick goodnight. If one of you gets home when the other is asleep, it’s still said. It’s said through a cracked door, but it’s said anyway. But, not tonight. You both felt the shift and neither of you know how to handle it other than to sleep it off. Sleep it off and hope it’s better in the morning and you’ll be back to smiling and making coffee and breakfast together.

Tom’s shower was quick and quiet. Normally, you could hear him singing. Some days he was all out hip-hop, other times he was mainstream pop, and sometimes he went from anyone between Kendrick Lamar and Ed Sheeran. But, tonight, he didn’t even have music playing.

By the time he was ready for bed, you’d been lying awake, staring at your curtains for twenty minutes and little did you know, Tom would be doing the exact same thing. He laid on his bed and turned on his side, hoping he’d be able to fall asleep but nothing.

He was crazy about you. He wasn’t sure when it happened or how. But it did. There are parts of him that think maybe it’s always been there, just deep down and he didn’t realize it, he was in denial. Like, the first time you met his family and you got along so well with them. He smiled so much that day or when Harrison told Tom he’d picked a good one. Tom very vividly recalls his heart falling in the pit of his stomach, reminding his best friend that you two were roommates and friends, nothing more but he just associated that with him being lonely and liking the idea of you.

But, you were everything he ever wanted. You were there when he needed you and there to kick his ass when he needed to be knocked down a peg. When he was away, you kept everything in order without even being asked. Not to even mention, you were fucking stunning and he always finds himself staring at you without even realizing it.

Tom kept running the moment through his head and internally punching himself for not kissing you because maybe it’s the look of heartbreak your eyes held or the way his heart felt like it was constricting when he had to pull away, but he wished he’d have taken that fall. Just fucking jumped. And hell, maybe, maybe he’s thinking that much into it because it’s now 3am and he’s still wide awake and he can’t shake how you’re lips would feel against his and taste slightly of peppermint from your toothpaste.

_Fuck it._

You’re in bed and you’re wide awake, thinking the same thing because maybe you should have just done it. Maybe you should have just been the one to take the jump, no more safety net of expecting him to make a move if he likes you. It’s 3am and it hits you. You were always too busy expecting Tom to be your safety net and harness that you’d never take the risk.

So it’s three in the fucking morning and you’re tossing the blankets off of you and walking to the door. When you open it, you come to a dead stop when you see Tom, shirtless and in maroon pajamas pants. His eyes are staring at you and his chest is moving faster than normal. There’s a different look he’s holding but before you can process it, he’s taking a step forward, cupping your face and colliding his mouth against yours.

_Soft._

_Peppermint._


	2. Lipstick Stains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom complains about you wearing lipstick and you find out why

It was date night, a night you and Tom both looked forward to. Whenever he was home, you had one night a week where you went on a date. Sometimes it was just walking through the heart of the city at night, grabbing a quick snack, and just sharing time together. Other times, Tom would go all out and get you a bouquet of flowers with reservations at a ridiculously fancy restaurant. Tonight, it was a restaurant Tom had picked out so you’re sat in front of your mirror, contently getting ready when Tom walks in.

“You almost ready, love?” He asks, buttoning up his white dress shirt. **  
**

“Yeah, just finishing up.” You send him a quick smile as you uncap your lipstick and start applying it, a groan leaving Tom’s mouth as you do so. “Problem?” You stop and quirk a brow at him.

“I hate when you wear lipstick.” He raises the corner of his mouth in a soft wince.

“Why?” You furrow your brows with a giggle.

“Because.” Tom responds as the wince starts to disappear.

“That’s not a reason!” Your eyes widen as you shake your head, looking back to your mirror.

“It’s harder to kiss you.” Tom mumbles, now walking to you and leaning against the edge of the vanity.

“How?” You laugh, looking at him through the reflection of the mirror.

“It smudges and stains.” Tom’s voice is soft as he moves behind you, his fingers moving the hair from your shoulder delicately. **  
**

“I have a solution.” You smirk, your eyes not leaving his reflect.

“What’s that, darlin’?” Tom asks before kissing the top of your head.

“You could wait to kiss me until I take it off.” Your smirk changes to a cheeky grin when Tom’s smile falls. You turn around to face him, him offering his hand to help you stand up. You lean in to whisper in his ear. “Is the smudging and staining that bad?” You ask, your voice almost taunting him while the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

“No…” His voice is nearly a whisper as his hand finds you hip and pulls you into him.

“That’s what I thought.” Your voice raises as you peck his cheek and move from his grasp. “And besides, your cheek looks better with a lipstick mark.”

“Fuck’s sake.” Tom rolls his eyes as he looks in your mirror to see a faint, red lip stain. “Funny.”

“C’mon, we’ll be late. And we don’t want to be late. I’ve got a surprise for you when we get back.” You wink at him and he bites his lip. “Unless the lipstick is that big of a deal.” Sarcasm drenches your words.

“Nope.” Tom shakes his head, quickly moving to you and offering you his arm. “We better go then.”


	3. Shy Smiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Instead of Tom sweeping you off your feet like he planned, you’re the one sweeping him off his

This was your first ever film so you were pumped as hell. This was your dream and you were finally living it. However, you were also extremely nervous. Tom Holland was your co-star. Truthfully you were just nervous to be acting beside someone Marvel deemed worthy enough to be the MCU Spider-man. To top that, you were already a pretty shy person. This film was going to test your adaptability.

And it did.

You were able to do scene after scene with little nerves despite your character actually talking quite a bit. It was between takes that your shyness took over. You’d usually grab some food from the catering table and then go back to your trailer. You didn’t really mind. It was Tom that did.

With you always going right back to your trailer, he assumed you weren’t taking to him well. So, he came up with the bright idea to have Harrison talk to you while he wrapped up a scene. A knock on your trailer door pulled you away from Netflix. Harrison stood at the end of your steps with a warm smile and two coffees. You invited him in and he took a seat at the table while you sat opposite of him. The room fell quiet as you fiddled with the sleeve on your coffee, wondering why Harrison was coming by. You knew he was Tom’s friend but neither of you actually spoke to one another before.

“So,” Harrison began after taking a sip of his coffee. “ You’ve been great on set.”

You blush in response. “Thanks.” You mumble almost too quiet for Harrison to hear you.

“Of course. ” Harrison sends you a wide smile. “But hey, why are you always in here? I mean the rest of us all chill at the tables. You alright?” His brows furrow with the question.

“Oh…yeah…” You look to the table with shining red cheeks. “I just, uh ya know?” You stammer. Saying that you’re shy out loud always seemed embarrassing to you.

“You’re really shy, huh?” Harrison gives you an understanding chuckle. You purse your lips and nod. “Well, that’s alright, mate. Tom will be relieved.” You quirk a questioning brow at him with another sip of your coffee. “Oh, yeah, not that I didn’t want to get to know you, because I did, but Tom thought you just didn’t like him and that’s why you spend so much time by yourself.”

“No,” You giggle. “I don’t know him well enough.” Your voice remains quiet but the red hue starts to turn to just a pink tint. “I just don’t talk much unless I know someone.”

“All good.” Harrison nods. “Well, just so you know, I’ll be telling him that and then he’ll probably never stop talking to you. So, you’ll be able to be as quiet as you want.” Harrison’s sarcasm drenches his words.

“Does, uh, he talk a lot?” You ask.

“Never shuts up.” Harrison rolls his eyes as he places his hands on the table and gets up. “Well, he should be about done and I should get back out there. On a serious note though, do you mind if he comes to talk to you? It’s fine if you want to relax away from everyone.”

You shake your head. “ No, it’s fine. I, uh, can’t promise I’ll be good conversation but he can come by anyway. I don’t have to be in makeup for another hour.”

Harrison nods before leaving you to go back to your show but it wasn’t long before there was another knock on your door. You jumped with the sound as your heart sped up and your hands grew clammy. You knew it had to be Tom. You were shy enough as it was but Tom made you all the more nervous, likely because he had such a good reputation and he’s quite nice to look at.

“Hey.” Tom greets once you open your trailer door.

“Hi.” You give him a shy smile and allow him inside.

“Am I interrupting anything?” The question was sincere but light-hearted. You shake your head as you both take seats on the couch, you on one end and Tom on the other, plenty of space between the two of you. “How are you liking being onset? It’s your first film, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah.” You push a strand of hair behind year ear. “It’s been great.”

“I’m happy you’re having fun.” Tom smiled. “So, Harrison said you’re just really shy? I really thought you just kind of found me annoying especially with how quick you tend to rush off set after we wrap.” He chuckles as he rubs the back of his neck.

“Yeah…” Your voice is fragile with the word as your cheeks start to burn red. “I don’t think you’re annoying.” You bite your lip with a smile.

Tom’s brows raise quickly. “No?” He breathes out with relief. “Thank fuck, don’t know what I’d do if you did.”

You quirk a brow with curiosity. “Why’s that?”

“Well, we are doing this movie and we’ll have press after so you’re gonna have to deal with me a lot.” His words are almost sarcastic, as if he were trying to play off his own nerves.

“That’s alright.” Your smile remains steady and he beams at you.

Before you know it, he’s off talking about anything and everything. You answer questions that he asks but it is mostly him talking. Harrison was right, he never stops talking but you don’t mind. He’s entertaining, especially since he’s an illustrative talker. He tells an entire story with his hands alone. It’s actually quite adorable and endearing.

This soon became a routine. You’d wrap scenes, get food from catering, go back to your trailer and Tom would come by when he could. There were times when he’d be wrapped the same time as you and would have a little time until he was needed for his next scene so he actually walked with you. You were still shy around him, mostly talking when he asked you a question or when you really wanted to say something but you were growing comfortable with him. He was funny and kind and such a chatterbox. But, you enjoyed his company. It was nice to have him talking instead of always listening to music or always watching Netflix alone.

Now, you’re going into the second month of filming and you’ve just wrapped your last scene for the day but before you could go off, Tom was pulling you to the side.

“Are you doing anything tonight?” He asks, fiddling with his thumb.

“Uh, no?” You raise an eyebrow.

“I, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner with me? Tonight?”

Your eyes widened with the question. “T-tonight?” You ask with a shaky voice.

“Yeah,” Tom chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “If you don’t want to,” He extends his hand. “‘Tis alright, but I’ve been wanting to ask.”

“Oh, no.” You shake your head quickly. “I-I do, uh, it’s just, isn’t it gonna be late when you get off?”

“Nah,” Tom shakes his head. “Early day, be off by six and can pick you up ‘round seven, yeah?”

You push a strand of hair behind your ear as you nod. “Okay.”

“Really?” Tom’s teeth show with his wide smile. “Cool, okay, yeah, awesome. I’ll see you then.” He bites his lip, not succeeding in hiding his excitement.

Tom was a huge ball of excitement and nerves as he finished up his day of filming. He never stopped talking to Harrison about how he didn’t think you’d actually agree to go out with him since you still didn’t talk much, you just always listened. By the time it was time for Tom to pick you, Harrison could basically mouth whatever Tom was going to say about you. Tom just ran himself in circles, repeating himself and not even realizing it. The excitement that flowed through him was astounding.

Tom came to your hotel and he was dressed in nice dress slacks with a matching suit jacket and a white undershirt while you had a black dress, not too long and not too short. Without knowing what each other was going to wear, you ended up matching. Tom, of course, pointed it out which granted him a giggle from you.

Tom allowed you to pick the music for the short drive to the restaurant he had picked and while the car filled with the music, it also contained bits of Tom talking and his thumbs tapping nervously on the steering wheel. But, you weren’t even really paying attention to anything but his voice and how nice a the deep navy complimented his pale skin. He managed to, somehow, look even more attractive.

When you got to the restaurant, Tom had you wait so he could open your door for you and then locked his arm with yours to lead you into the restaurant. You took your seats and you couldn’t help but noticed the flushed tint on Tom’s cheeks. It was odd to see him nervous. All he ever did was talk, you never thought he even knew what nervous was. But, he was.

He didn’t want to talk too much and overpower you, this was a date. It was different than hanging out in your trailer. And he wanted to make sure you were having fun and this was his chance. If it didn’t go well now, then it wouldn’t go anywhere at all but he couldn’t act like he was trying too hard. Then, there was how he’d leave you. He knew he’d want to make a move, try and kiss you by the end of the night, but he wasn’t sure of your boundaries and he’d never want to overstep and make you uncomfortable. But, he also didn’t want to disappoint you in case you were expecting him to kiss him. Tom was internally freaking out and just trying to the ‘fake it till you make it’ game.

As the date went on, you found yourself falling more for him. He was different from other people you met, charming and yet an absolute dork which made him funny. You still didn’t talk much but that was mostly due to you being caught up in just being out with him. You were getting there with him. But, Tom was talking a mile a minute, the date coming to an end and him starting to think maybe you weren’t that into him. If you were, you’d be talking more but he really wasn’t sure. You were completely unreadable.

Now, it’s the end of your date and you’re standing outside your hotel room, Tom’s hands are in his pockets and he’s shifting in his shoes, wanting to kiss you but thinking it’s too soon and you’d be uncomfortable.

“Well,” Tom says, licking his lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He sticks his hand out.

“Yeah,” You nod, biting your bottom lip.

“Okay.” Tom says and he was going to walk away but before he could, you grab his wrist and pull him into you, kissing him quickly while a blush spreads across your entire face. He’s floored. You barely talk but you can make the first move. And not just a simple peck on the cheek, you actually pulled him into you and gave him a real kiss. “W-wow.” Tom says, his cheeks the color of roses as you pull away, now you being the one hoping you didn’t overstep.

“I, uh, I kind of wanted to do that all night.” You bite your timid smile and Tom’s eyes widen.

“No shit?” He asks and you nod. “I’ve been wanting to but I didn’t think you were that interested and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Oh, no.” You shake your head. “It’s fine.”

“In that case,” Tom smirks before cupping your face and gives you a deeper kiss.


	4. Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom might not be able to make fix everything in the world, but he tries his best to make sure you’re happy in your own skin

That time of the month. It’s really the worst time. First of all, it’s fucking uncomfortable. Your uterus essentially is trying to kill itself because God forbid you not allow it to house a child. Literally, just throws a temper tantrum over it. It’s painful and your hormones go all out of whack, making you want to just curl up into a ball and sulk all day or murder anyone that comes near you.

But, to top all of that, it’s simply demasculinizing. Your body doesn’t match your head and it’s so unfair. It’s just icing on top of the horrible cake you didn’t want to begin with. But, it’s a good thing you have Tom.

You were supposed to hang out that day but you canceled last minute, explaining why. Tom has been nothing but supportive since you told him you were trans. You’re still you and he really doesn’t care. With that being said, however, you were shocked when Tom texted back, saying that you’d just have the day at your place. You didn’t expect him to just come over but he did.

“How’re you feeling there, mate?” Tom asked once you welcomed him inside.

“Like shit.” You responded with a groan.

“Don’t look like it.” Tom gave you a cheeky smile.

“Sure.” You retort, following Tom to your living room.

“Rocky?” He offers.

“Rocky?” You raise a brow before sitting beside him.

“Yeah! What? Don’t tell me you don’t like Rocky!” Tom pretends to be offended.

“You’re such a loser.” You chuckle. “Rocky is fine.”

A few minutes pass and Tom feels the need to break the silence that formed. He’s such a chatterbox. You swear you’ve never seen a single movie where he doesn’t have something to say. Honestly, watching a new movie with him is the worst possible idea. Sure, he gets really excited which is nice, but he still talks. And yet, he’s so innocent in doing so, you actually find it incredibly difficult to get mad at him.

“Really, how’re you feelin’?” Tom asks, the normally cheery smile no longer gracing his face. “I mean, ya know, more than just shit?” Tom chuckles.

“It just sucks.” You shrug. “Makes me feel like I’m taking steps backward rather than forward.” You sigh and shake your head.

Tom nods in response, sympathizing with you as much as he could. “Well, I know this won’t fix anything but, you know you’re passing, yeah?”

“What?” You raised your brows quickly, looking at him with confusion and surprise.

“Yeah, man.” Tom says nonchalantly. “Really, and you know I wouldn’t lie to you. You’re fuckin’ passing.”

“Think so?”

“Know so. You’re looking handsome as fuck, too, dude. Don’t let this get you down. It’s just some days of a month and then it’s fucking over. I don’t totally get it but you know I’m here for ya no matter what. But, it doesn’t matter. You’re looking great and no one would ever even know.” Tom’s eyes are drenched in absolute honesty.

“Thanks.” You grin, ear to ear, happy to hear those words come from Tom’s mouth.


	5. Give Me A Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom’s your professor but there’s an underlying mutual crush

Music played through your earbuds as you made the walk back to one of the lecture halls. You kicked yourself for forgetting one of your books. You had to walk all the way back and hope your professor was still there or at the very least, for some reason, left the door unlocked and you’d be able to grab it and get out.

You reached the lecture hall and the door was unlocked, no students in sight, just your professor sitting at his desk. His laptop screen illuminated his face while a single curl fell in front of his forehead. You hated to admit it, but you did have quite the crush on him. But, he’s your professor and you’re a student even if you were nearly the same age. It didn’t matter. Students and teachers were nothing more than that, students and teachers.

You crept in and his attention was immediately pulled to you. “Everything alright?” He quirks a brow, shutting his laptop.

You yanked out your earbuds quickly, not catching what he’d said. “Sorry, music. What was that?”

Tom chuckles and stands from his desk. “Everything alright?” He repeats.

“Oh, uh, yeah, yeah.” You nod gesturing your hand to the seat you were sat at not long before. “Just forgot my book, sorry to interrupt.”

“Not interrupting.” He shakes his head, a graceful smile decorating his face.

He looks you over and you were dressed in sweatpants with a warm hoodie on. The weather was chilled that day and you were exhausted. It was the last week of your final year and you were totally swamped with exams and finals. You had three last exams and you were just spent. The last thing you were concerned about was your clothing choices for your classes. Nonetheless, Tom still found you as endearing as ever.

“You just looked a little busy.” You blush as you retrieve your book.

“No, you’re fine.” Tom chuckles. “So, a week, right?”

“What?” You question.

“Until you’ve finished here, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah, finally.” You giggle.

Tom’s heart picks up pace with your giggle. He’s heard it quite a few times since the beginning of the year. He’s professional so he’s never said anything, but he thinks you have the cutest laugh he’s ever heard and he could stare at you for hours and never find a single flaw. He had just as a big of a crush on you as you did him, if that were even possible.

“Well, you should only have two more classes with, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Your voice is etched with disappointment which causes your cheeks to turn a vibrant shade of red from embarrassment. You did not want to sound disappointed. Most people are happy to be out of college, no more loans.

“Excuse me if I’m being too forward, but, seeing as you’ll be done here in a week, I figure I don’t have much other time to ask this, but would it be alright if I took you to dinner once you were finished here?” Tom’s voice is delicate and sweet like honey.

“Y-you want…you want to take me…to dinner?” You question.

“Only if you want to, of course. Please, do not feel obligated.” Tom chuckles. “Doesn’t have to be a date either, simply a celebration.”

You wanted to more than anything but you couldn’t agree, not now. He was still your professor and it would be wrong to agree. It was a bit wrong of him to ask in the moment but you did understand him a bit. It was unlikely you would see him outside of the next two classes and you usually had a class right after his and couldn’t stay after.

Keyword: usually.

You give him a cornered smile, his heart lifting a bit with hope. “Ask me again in a week. I’ll happen to forget one of my books again and come back later.”

Tom smiled a sweet smile. “I’ll be looking forward to it, y/n.”


	6. Not Really A Morning Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom’s anything but a morning person but after a bad morning, he does his best to make it up to you when it gets home

Tom’s phone went off from the nightstand, a very annoying alarm waking the both of you. He was supposed to be going out for a photoshoot, a promotion for something he still had to keep pretty under wraps. Normally, he didn’t mind them much. He’s humble, sure, but he also has quite the ego and knows he looks good. But, he’s also not much of a morning person. Not when he was up late the previous night. 

Tom groans before stretching and rolling his eyes. **  
**

“Morning.” You open one eye to look at him but he already has a scowl etched across his face. “Told you you shouldn’t have gone out last night.” You state, watching him slip out from the bed.

“Shut up.” He mumbles before rummaging through the closet.

“Oh, come on. Don’t be like that it’s-” You stop to reach for your phone to check the time. “Seven in the morning.”

“Don’t need to be lectured this bloody early.” His voice rises and normally, his morning voice was quite pleasant but this morning, it was different. He was extra pissy.

“Pardon me.” You retort.

“Don’t start.” Tom turns to you, narrowed eyes and clothes in hand.

“Whatever, damn. Have fun, be safe, get the stick out of your ass while you’re at it.”

He glares at you one last time before scoffing and exiting the bedroom. He normally wasn’t in that much of a bad mood. Usually, he’d either be fine after a few minutes or, at the very most, be fine after a shower. But not this morning, nope. He was still so annoyed and bothered that he didn’t come back into the bedroom to say goodbye to you. He grabbed his things from the kitchen and left for work. You had fallen back asleep by the time he was done in the shower so you hadn’t realized he never said goodbye until hours later when you woke up again. Of course, you were hurt by it. He always says goodbye and you didn’t think you’d pissed him off that bad.

You checked your phone while you prepared your things for the day and there were no texts or calls from Tom. He clearly was still pissy and all you could do was sigh and hope he’d be better by the time he got home. You weren’t about to text him and apologize. There wasn’t anything to apologize for, really.

You got everything you needed done by the time Tom strolled back in. You were happily seated in the living room with one of your favorite shows on, minding your own business. Tom, on the hand, felt horribly guilty for how he left things that morning. He put his coat on the coat rack and went to where you were seated. You quirked a brow but went back to your show, annoyed that he was mean and didn’t bother to suck up his pride for two seconds for even an apology text.

“You’re not going to look at me?” Tom asks, him leaning over the of the couch, arms resting beside your shoulders.

“Nope.” You answer plainly.

“Oh, come on, please.” Tom pouts but you keep your stare on the TV. “I’m sorry, love. Really.” Tom hops over the back of the couch and sits beside you.

“No, you were mean and you didn’t even say goodbye.” You cross your arms but Tom just pulls you into him.

“I know, I know.” He sighs, tightening his grip and kissing your temple. “I’m really sorry. You didn’t deserve it.”

“No, I didn’t.” You stick your nose up while he continues to press kisses to the side of your face.

“I’m really sorry, love. I was mean.”

“Yes, yes you were.” You still don’t look at him but you can feel yourself wanting to cave. He’s so cheeky and cute.

“Pleaseeeeee,” Tom whines before presses a few kisses to your cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you?” You question, finally turning your head to face him. His face is completely drenched in guilt, still holding a soft pout.

“Yes, I should have listened to you.” He widens his eyes as he gains a smirk.

“Yeah, yeah you should have, Thomas.” You come back but you can’t help but smile at him.

“Forgive me, darlin’?”

“I guess.” You roll your eyes and sigh sarcastically before placing a much needed kiss to his lips.


	7. I'm Worried About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom goes MIA after the two of you have a fight about where your relationship is headed

Tom sat across from you, his fingers lightly tapping the white mug that contained his tea. The air had grown stiff between the two of you and neither of you knew how to fix it exactly. The only thing Tom could do was shift in his seat and hope you’d be the one to break the silence that formed. But, you weren’t at all sure what else there was to say. He made his stance pretty clear and you drew your line in the sand. 

“So…” You finally spoke. “Where does that leave us?”

Tom’s head lifted and he shook it slowly, as if in complete denial. “I don’t know but not where you think.”

“And what exactly do I think?” You narrowed your eyes as your voice went sharp.

He rolled his eyes and placed both hands on the mahogany table before standing. “Not breaking up. I don’t know anything else.” He enunciates nearly every word, trying to get his point across.

“Okay, but what? Am I just supposed to ride your coattails for the rest of my life or are we going to do something?” Your eyes follow him to the sink behind you.

“You’re not-” Tom groans. “You’re not riding my coattails, y/n. I can’t even believe you’d think that, for fuck’s sake.” He places his mug in the sink before leaning against the counter.

“Yeah, well. Feels that way.”

“It’s not that way.” Tom runs a hand through his hair before dragging it down his face in frustration.

“Do you really not want more than this? You know I do.” You stand up, moving directly in front of him, his eyes darker than usual and laced in sadness, the one look that didn’t fit him.

“Of course, I do. I just don’t see your fuckin’ rush with it.” Tom’s eyes widen.

“We’re not getting any younger.”

Tom scoffs at your response before sliding against the sink to get away from you. “Yeah,” He says, his back now to you as he grabs his jacket from his chair. “I know.”

“That’s it?” You ask, your arms crossing over your chest.

“What else do you fuckin’ want me to say?”

“I don’t know!” You toss your hands out in frustration.

“I’m going, yeah? Call me when you’re calmed down for two seconds.”

“Tom, don’t-”

“No, I’ll be at Harrison’s ‘till you need me.” With a last sigh, Tom leaves your shared apartment, leaving you alone in your kitchen.

It wasn’t that you weren’t open to his side. It was simply that he brushed off everything you asked. He was the one that asked you to move in a year prior. He asks you to come along for press when he can and he’s always inviting you to come along to sets if you’re allowed. Tom genuinely tries his absolute hardest with you and his heart literally aches for you whenever he’s away, even while in the same country. But, that wasn’t it.

Ever since you were little, you always loved the idea of getting married. It wasn’t just a piece of paper to you. You believed that marriage is the ultimate devotion to each other and you always dreamed of taking your soulmate’s last name and having the wedding of your dreams. You had two ideas of course. One small and one big, depending on what your person wanted but you knew, regardless, it was something you wanted. You wanted the tearjerker wedding and Tom doesn’t seem to want any business in that area. He avoids it every time you bring it up.

It sounds a bit idiotic, to be fighting over something that really is a signed piece of paper but it was important to you. Marriage is one of those things where people don’t just give it up because they love someone and they just agree with it because they love someone. They view those things for a reason. It’s like kids. People don’t just magically change people’s minds. You wanted more than anything to be able to change his but you didn’t even know if he was listening half of the time because he doesn’t talk. He changes subject. At least if he said it wasn’t for him or something, maybe you wouldn’t bring it up. Maybe you wouldn’t bring up where it would leave you in two years because Tom has talked about forever with you but marriage was never there. Not once.

Nearly two hours pass and there’s a knock on the door. All the boys had a key and Tom wouldn’t knock. If you ever got into a fight, he always came in quietly, usually your favorite take-out or candy in hand with a very apologetic frown. But, no. It was a knock and then another, no jiggling of the doorknob. So, you got up from your spot and made your way to the door.

“Harrison?” You asked as you took in the sight of the tall blond once your door was open. “What’re you doing here?”

“Tom-”

“Is he okay?” You cut Harrison off before he can finish.

His brows furrow as he nods. “What?” Harrison closes his eyes for a second and shakes his head “Probably. He’s gone off and I can’t find him. Not answering his phone.”

“He what?” Your heart falls into your stomach.

“I don't’ know. He was going off about something and stormed out. That was an hour ago. He’s not answering. Come help me find him.” Harrison pleads.

“Yeah, yeah.” You nod quickly. “Of course.”

Every piece of you that was frustrated with Tom completely evaporated. He didn’t just run off. He wasn’t even the type to get shit-faced when angry. A few drinks but nothing to get him drunk. The last thing he’d ever do is actually run off.

While you grabbed your keys and phone and headed to Harrison’s car, he explained that he tried Tom’s parents as well as Harry and Paddy and no one’s heard or seen from him. It was so unlike Tom to not answer anyone. He was usually on his phone and if not directly on his phone, he always had earbuds in with music playing. His phone was glued to him. There’s no reason for him to not be answering and as you and Harrison drove around with no signs of him, you only got more worried.

“He said he was going to your place?” Anxiety floods your veins as you question what Tom is really doing. He wasn’t the type to get shit-faced after a fight. The worst he ever did was bitch to Harrison or his brothers and have a few beers, but only a few. Most of the time, he’d just head off to the gym or go for a run. Tom wasn’t someone who stayed mad very long or had a hard time ridding his anger.

Your nervous fingers find Tom’s contact in your phone. You put the phone to your ear as it rings twice before it goes to his voicemail. You pull the phone away and redial. “Answer your fucking phone!” You yell as Tom sends you to voicemail again. You groan and try again. Voicemail. “Come on, Tom. I know you’re ignoring my calls. Just, you gotta text me or something, okay? I’m worried about you.”

“Y/n, I’m sure he’s fine.” Harrison says, glancing over to you as you end the voicemail.

“How do you know?” You challenge.

“He’s my best mate. I know him.” Harrison shrugs it off.

“You’re not convincing.”

“Do you want to start shitting rainbows and fuckin’ glitter of you to convince you?”

“If you’re so sure, why’d you come by?”

“Because sometimes I like having you around, ya know, despite popular belief.” You scoff in response and stare back on your phone. “Have a little faith, alright?” Harrison’s sarcasm comes to stop as he glances to you. “He’s fine. Maybe he’s gone back home. We’ll swing back to your flat and if he’s not there, we’ll try his parents’ again.”

“Fine.” You take a deep breath and turn your head to the window.

You get back the apartment and Harrison tells you he’d wait by the car while you checked the apartment. He explained it would be quicker if he just kept the car running while you checked just in case Tom hadn’t returned.

You unlocked your door and took in a harsh breath, hoping Tom was back and fine. Maybe he’d just jogged off the anger or annoyance he was feeling and came back to talk it out. Something.

And sure enough, he was there.

But, the lights were off and your favorite candles were lit while your and Tom’s song played lightly through your apartment. Tom was standing a few feet in front of you, a very nervous smile tugging at his lips.

“Hello, darlin’.” Tom says.

“What’re…what’s going on?”

He offers his hand out and all you can do is take it, furrowing your brows.  “You know how I’ve been brushing off some of your plans?” Tom asks, his hands releasing yours and going to the small of your back, pulling you closer to him.

“Mhm.” You hum.

“I’ve been planning this for some time, about three months, really. You can ask anyone. They’re all so bloody tired of hearing me talk.” He shakes his head, his curls moving with him. “Not the point.” He chuckles softly. “I knew if I answered your questions, I’d spill. You know I can’t keep a secret,” He pauses and laughs. “Especially from you.” He kisses your forehead as your heart picks up and butterflies explode through your bones. “I couldn’t have you guessing and I’m sorry that it seemed like I didn’t care, but I wanted this to be perfect for you.”

Tom lets his grip on you go, backing up just a few inches before getting down on one knee. He pulls out a black, velvet box from that damn black jacket that just looks way too good on him.

“I love you more than anything in this world and I’d be completely lost without you. Y/n, will you marry me?” Tom opens the little black box, a stunning diamond ringing reflecting the soft candle flames.

“God yes.” You respond with a quick nod, pulling Tom up by his jacket and colliding your lips to his.


	8. These Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been two years since you and Tom broke up. You haven’t seen or even spoken to each other since. But, that changes when you run into him one morning.

It wasn’t working. 

That’s all it came down to. It just wasn’t working. You were always in different countries, different times zones. It wasn’t working and it left it both miserable and toxic. There were screaming matches over nothing and everything. You shed more tears in the year you were with Tom than you had in your life and Tom found himself at the gym punching a bag more than he ever had. It was unhealthy and not fair to either of you.

You wanted it to work. Tom wanted it to work. Of course you both did. You were so sure that you two were meant for each other. The two of you stayed in the talking stage for well over six months, making sure that you two both really wanted each other and you did. And it blissful and sweet and tender but that went south and sour. Something so beautiful, it crumbled before your very eyes and it broke you and him.

Tom blamed everything and everyone, including himself. So did you. You blamed each other. He was never fucking home and it was a lot harder than you ever imagined. But, it wasn’t just hard on you. Tom hated always having to leave you behind and for months on end no less. But, he loved his job and when you both called it quits at two in the morning on a Tuesday, you told Tom you were both young. You were young and you both had the rest of your lives. If love was enough, it would have worked.

But it didn’t.

Now, it’s two years later and Tom is busy at the gym. It’s not the one he used to go to, the one he always went to because he took you there. Avoiding anywhere you might show up became like a second to him, one where his payment was not having to have his break with the very sight of you. But, he’s got this gym and it’s a good one and he enjoys it. At least he did.

But, he when he stopped to take a break, he caught the sight of your familiar figure and he could have sworn he stopped breathing for a full minute. You were astounding. Breathtaking. But, you were heartbreaking. Watching you interact with one of the guys at the gym, it was heartbreaking but you seemed so happy and Tom could have punched himself for it. His blood boiled and he went to turn back to the punching bag when he heard his name. His name fell from your mouth like the sound of hearing his favorite song on the radio after months of not hearing it.

“Uh, h-hey, y/n.” Tom said as he turned around.

“Hey.” You gave him a smile as you approached. He looked different. When you broke up, his hair was short but it’s long again. Of course it is, it never took long for his hair to grow back and you knew he’d let it grow out but it was still different. It was a sign of that time really did pass and you weren’t just going day by day. A lot more time passed than either of you really realized.

“How’re you?” He asks.

“Good, good.” You nod. “You?”

“Good.” He answers, really taking in your features. Your makeup is different. You’re wearing lip gloss, something you didn’t do much when you were with him. It was always chapstick. You weren’t in sweats either, jeans a t-shirt. You weren’t here for yourself. “You, uh, you look good.”

“Thanks.” You blush and run a hand through your hair.

“Your hair is longer.” Tom points out the detail. You’d grown it out and dyed it. HE loved how you had your hair before so you changed it. It’s been two years and you refuse to go back to how you originally wore it. It was a sore reminder of him.

“Yeah, yeah, so is yours.”

“Yeah, you know.” Tom shrugs. “So, what’re you doing here?”

“Oh,” You look over your shoulder where your new boyfriend stood. “Picking up my boyfriend.”

Your words felt like a knife stabbing Tom’s heart. “Oh.” He says, looking to the guy taller than him, stronger.

“Come on,” You chuckle lightly. “What? Don’t tell me you haven’t dated anyone.” Your words hurt you but not as much as they hurt Tom.

You adored your new boyfriend, you did but he’s not Tom. He treats you right and you rarely ever argue. You don’t have major blow-ups like you and Tom did. He’s there. Your new boyfriend is always around and he doesn’t leave for months on end and you live in the same country. He’s safe and easy. He’s perfect, really. But, you don’t want to see Tom happy with someone who isn’t you, as selfish as that sounds.

“No.” Tom answers plainly, his mouth in a straight line and his eyes sad.

“Work?” You ask, hope in your voice. If it was work, maybe it’d be okay. Hearing that he was single because he had to work would be better than hearing it was his choice. If it as his choice, that’d give you this feeling that maybe it’s because of how you left things off.

“Nope.” He shakes his head. “Just because.” Tom’s remain full of pain as he messes with the wrapping around his knuckles.

“Y/n! You ready?” Your boyfriend pulls your attention and you quickly nod before turning back to Tom.

“I-”

“Yeah, go. It’s fine. Good seeing you. You look great.” Tom says again.

“Y-you…yeah, so do you.” You turn to walk away but you look back. “You still at the same place?”

“Yeah.” Tom says.

“Hey, I’m sorry for everything.”

“Yeah, me, too.” Tom turns away with his words, not giving you another look in fear that he’d break if he did.

You left and went home with your boyfriend. Guilt started to consume you. Your boyfriend was great but seeing Tom, it sent you through so many different emotions. You cared so much about him, still and after everything. After two years of silence, you care more about him than you really want to admit and you have no idea how to handle it. It is not fair to your boyfriend and it’s not fair to you either.

Tom, on the other hand, all he felt was jealousy and heartache. He tried to get over you. He tried the whole sleeping with girls every other night thing. He tried drinking for about two weeks but his family and Harrison were quick to pull him away. So, he put his heartache into the gym and his acting. It did help. For the time he was there, for the time he was on set, you were more like this little bit of static in the back of his head. Just there enough to be known but not enough to cloud his thinking or any other bit of him. But, then he’d lay awake at night and that little bit of static seemed to be turned up to one hundred and it’s the only thing he could hear. He’d wonder what would have happened had he told you not to leave or just give it a week or two. That it was enough. You were enough and he was enough. You were everything to him. But, none of that happened. He stayed quiet for a few minutes before agreeing with you because he’s stubborn.

He beats himself up for it everyday.

Tom went home about an hour after he saw you. He blew off as much steam as he could but he needed to head home. He’d need to take Tessa on her morning walk and get with the rest of his day. And that’s what he did. But, everything was muted. The grass seemed a pale green instead of the vibrant hue it picked up thanks to the spring that had finally arrived. The sky was dull despite there not being a single cloud in the sky and the sun shining brightly across the blue sky. His music played but it just sounded like an echo from a dimmed hallway. He wanted to go to bed and forget hed’ run into you. But, that’s not exactly how his night would end up.

He’d finished his day and was relaxing on the couch with a bottle of beer when a knock sounded on his door. He rolled his eyes and go up to answer it. But, when he did, the sight of you made his eyes nearly bulge of his head.

“Y/n?” Tom asked.

“Why did you tell me that?” You demanded.

“What?” Tom furrows his brows, one hand on the door and other on the doorway.

“That I look great, why’d you tell me?”

“Because you do?”

“No, you don’t get to tell me that and then-”

“What?” Tom cuts you off. “I don’t get to tell you look great and then what? Let you go off with your fuckin’ boyfriend? That what you’re trying to say? I don’t get tell you look great and but you can come by here and yell at me?”

You widened your eyes, taken aback by Tom’s response. “Yes.”

“You’re fucking with me, right?” HE grits his teeth. “Seriously?”

“Are you gonna let me in?”

“No.” Tom shakes his head.

“Why not?”

“Because, we aren’t friends. PRetty sure you made that one awfully clear. Go home.”

“No.” It was your turn to take on the no response.

“What do you want? Look, I’ve had a pretty shit day so what?” Tom’s fingers tapped the doorway quickly, trying anything to keep his mouth as quiet as he could. He wanted to blow up on you for having the audacity to come by and try and lecture him for something he didn’t do.

“I-” You shake your head. “Why haven’t you dated anyone?”

“Fuck’s sake, why does it matter, y/n?”

“Because it does.” Your voice cracks with your words and Tom sighs.

“Fine.” HE says and steps out of the way. “Come in. WE’re not gonna do this in the bloody hallway again.”

You step inside and everything is different. He painted the walls of the kitchen. They’re a very pale green. They were an off-white with a blue tint. Everything on the counters was rearranged and from pictures were moved around. He moved everything, nearly redecorated. You didn’t how to take it. You did the same thing.

“Why?”

“You first.” Tom shuts the door and walks over to the counter. “You go. Why’s it matter?”

“Because.”

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Tom raises his brows, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Why not? Surely you’ve liked people. I know you.”

“It’s been two years, you don’t know me.”

“Bullshit!” You clench your jaw.

“Why do you have a boyfriend?” Tom counters. Why he should have to answer your questions if you won’t answer his?

“Answer my question.” You can feel the tears swelling behind your eyes with every passing second.

Tom scoffs and shakes his head, licking his lips. “Why? You wanna know why?” He pushes his himself from the counter and stands toe to toe with you.”You. Because I can’t rightfully date anyone because all I fuckin’ see in people is you. Everything. Fuck, I kiss some girl at a bar and all I know is that she doesn’t taste like that fuckin’ chapstick you always wore. Which by the way, lip gloss doesn’t fit you. It’s weird.” Tom’s jaw is tight with every word and his eyes are dark with pain and anger. “Because I have the decency not to fuck around with people’s feelings when I can’t shake someone else. You. You’re why and-”

You cut Tom off as you capture his lips in yours. That static, the static that’s always in the back of his head, suddenly it’s not static and it’s right up front. It’s his favorite song, blaring as he were front and center at the Madison Square Garden. You still smelled like your favorite shampoo and you had the same chapstick you always wore and you feel so much like fucking home that it kills Tom to place his hands on your shoulders and detach your lips.

“You have a boyfriend.” Tom’s voice breaks.

“I broke up with him.” You rush out your words. “You’re right. It’s wrong to be with someone when you still have feelings for someone else and I tried to get over your dorky ass but damn, you make it so hard.”

“W-what are you saying?” Tom’s heart lifts, just enough to give him a little bit of hope.

“I miss you.” Your voice goes soft with the words Tom has yearned for.

He collides his mouth yours, moving his hands to your hips and pulling you flush against him. “I miss you, too.” He mumbles into your mouth. “We’re gonna-”

“Have to sort this out.” You finish his sentence, before deepening the kiss.

“Later?” Tom asks, pulling away just enough to see the look in your eyes and they’re bright, bright like they always were when you were together.

“Later.” You giggle and pull his mouth back to yours.


	9. Comic Book Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet Tom when he comes into your store for source material

The afternoon was ticking by slowly and you kept checking your watch, ready to clock out for lunch. You still had a solid half hour left until you were allowed to go but that didn’t stop you from trying to will the time to tick faster.

You found yourself going down one of the aisles and adjusting some of the comics. None of them were really out of place but they could use some straightening, anything to keep your mind occupied. However, straightening graphic novels wouldn’t be holding your attention much longer. 

The door opened and a bell went off, signaling someone was entering. You barely looked up, saying your greeting but didn’t actually pay attention before looking back to what you were straightening, that was, until it registered. Your head shot back up and Tom Holland was walking towards you. His hands were his pockets and a blue hat sat covering most of his curls. He somehow looked better in person.

“Hey,” He greets with a cheery smile. “I was looking for some source material, any way you could help?”

“Uh,” Your mouth ran dry as you stared at him but you caught yourself. “Yeah, yeah. What’re you looking for?”

“Oh, thanks.” He smiles wide and you could swear your heart nearly exploded. “We start the new film soon and I wanted to reread some of the comics.”

“Right, right.” You nod and have him follow you to where you kept the Spider-Man comics, assuming that’s the film he was talking about. “Do you…do you know anything about the film? Or are you just starting from issue 1 of the Amazing Spider-Man? Or?”

“Pretty much.” Tom chuckles and rubs the back of his head. “Not lettin’ me read the script.”

You can’t help but laugh and Tom looks at you with what should be offended eyes but he can’t seem to find it in him. “I’m sorry.” You say. “It’s just ironic that it’s your film and you can’t read the script yet.”

“I know!” Tom tosses his hands out. “I don’t know why!” He says but immediately catches himself. “I mean, I do but it’s different!”

“Didn’t you leak like four secrets?” You shift your weight to one of your feet, your nervousness for talking to him evaporating.

His mouth opens as if he were going to counter it but instead, he nods and points out his finger. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“Sure, it wasn’t.” You let out another laugh and turn back to the comics.

“Well, they didn’t fire me.” Tom gives you a satisfied smile.

“That’s a fair point.” You look back to him and he’s just the cutest and most endearing person you’ve ever met. “Right, so, here you go.” You extend your hand and show off the covers.

“Thank you…I didn’t get your name.” His brows furrow while a soft pink hue covers his cheeks.

“Oh, yeah, right, it’s y/n.”

“Well, thank you, y/n. It’s nice meeting you.”

“You, too.” You blush and look to the floor. “If, if you need any help, just let me know.”

“Will do, thanks.” He bites his lip as he watches you walk away, you casually wanting to die.

Tom though, he’s a talker even when he’s looking for whatever he needs. So, every few minutes, he’d pipe up about one thing or another. He asked if you liked your job and when you were happy to say you did, he lit right up. His question was followed by if you were a DC or a Marvel fan.

You happily smirked and said, “If I say DC will you go on a rant?”

“You can not think DC is better than Marvel!?” Tom’s eyes widened and he stared at you as you were behind the counter.

“Maybe I do.” You chuckled and watched him shake his head.

“I thought you were cool.” He says, very clearly acting to be disappointed. “But you’re quite lame.’

“You’re the one looking at comic books for source material and I didn’t say DC was my choice.” You give him a teasing, toothy smile and he nods.

“Alright, but I’m Spider-Man, so.”

“Alright, alright, you win.” You put your hands up in surrender.

“Y/n.” Your boss says as he walks out from the backroom. “You can take your lunch.” He nods to you and you nod back.

“Thanks.”

You’re not as relieved as you should be. If you take your break, you’ll miss out on Tom but if you don’t take it now, you won’t get it and then you’ll be starving. It sucked, but you needed some food. You go into the backroom and clock out, grabbing your wallet, ready to head to somewhere down the block to grab something quick and make it back. But, when you got out to the front of the store, Tom was paying for a few of his comics. He sent you a smile when he caught a glimpse of you. You smiled back and nodded at your boss.

“Nice meeting you.” You say to Tom and he’s quick to speak up before you walk out.

“I hope to see you again. You’re not quitting anytime soon, are you?”

“Of course not.” You shake your head as you feel heat rise to your face.

“I’ll have to come in here more when I’m in town.” Tom sends you one last smirk before turning back to the register, you flustered but completely over the moon. A perfect way to end your morning.


	10. You Are In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom drunk dials you in the middle of the night which leads to a heated discussion the following morning

Tom’s heart beat for you. You were his best friend and he was yours. Childhood best friends who grew up down the street from each other. It was perfect. You were perfect. And maybe he always had feelings for you or maybe it was just the two of you maturing. He didn’t know. The only thing he did know was that no matter how many nights he lays awake hoping his feelings crawl behind the platonic line again, he always wakes up with the thought of your smile and sometimes even the scent of you beside him when you’d stay the night. He was in too deep for his feelings to go back to how they were.

Your laugh filled Tom’s kitchen as Tom bumped you with his shoulder and you spilled bits of parmesan on the floor, Tessa right there to clean up before either of you could stop her. 

“Look what you did!” You exclaimed between laughs.

“Not my fault you have butter fingers.” Tom sticks his tongue out.

“Real mature, Holland.” You roll your eyes and go back to your cooking.

“You love me.” Tom quips moving to the barstool to take a seat.

“ Do I?” You joke.

“You wouldn’t put up with me otherwise.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

The conversation dies off as Tom watches you. There’s a delicate smile dancing across his face. Best friend or not, he was so lucky to have you and he knew it. Maybe it was time that he told you. Stop letting it keep him up at night. He was so sure you felt the same way. You had to.

It was in the silence that fell between you while you ate. It was in the darkness of his bedroom during a bad storm and the power knocked out. It was in everything you did. The way you looked at him and ran your fingers through his hair when he had a rough day and would lay on your lap to tell you all about it. The smile that put the stars to shame when you picked him up from the airport and always ran up to give him the biggest hug. Every night, there are texts or phone calls or Facetime to tell the other goodnight or ask how your days went when he was away. You both missing out sleep half the time thanks to time zones and work schedules.

But, then it was eight at night and you were putting on your jacket to leave. Tom giving you a hug and allowing you to leave, plans for the morning to take place as usual. He chickened out, again.

He groaned as he plopped back onto the couch, a beer in hand. How could he chicken out….again? He talked himself up all day that he was gonna tell you that there was more. He was gonna tell you exactly how he was feeling. Tom knew it wouldn’t come out how he wanted it to, rather, a waterfall of words that barely made sense but at least it would be out. But, that thought of ruining your friendship of twelve years crept from the back of his head to front and center like a damn spotlight, blinding him from all his intentions. At this point, he was wondering if he’d ever be able to get up the guts to tell you.

But, he wouldn’t have to be wondering that long. Harrison stopped by, the two had plenty to drink, so much in fact, Tom felt the need to call you but you didn’t answer. You two had a rule. If it’s important, call twice. If it’s nothing, call once. This way you two wouldn’t be waking each other up for nothing. It only even started when Tom started traveling all the time and you never able to deny a call in case he needed you.

That’s what happened. The phone rang once, woke you up but you went back to sleep, the phone not going off again. You slept through the rest of the night, your alarm being the only thing to wake you up that morning. You groaned and reached for your phone, a notification for a voicemail across your screen. With a quirked brow, you unlocked your phone and listened to the voicemail.

“Y/nnnnn,” Tom whined. “I really, really love you. Like, more than my best friend. I mean,” Tom’s words slur together. “I am in love with you and I just needed to tell you. Goodnight.” Tom hangs up.

Your breath caught in your throat with the sound of Tom’s drunken words. Drunk words were sober thoughts but he couldn’t possibly love you more than a friend. That’d be insane. It’s Tom. He’s your best friend. But, as you got out of bed and started getting your clothes together, you pieced things together. Tom’s lingering stares and the way he smiled at you when he thought you weren’t looking. His small actions that made your own heart flutter. But he’s your best friend.

You made your way to Tom’s quickly, hoping that he would remember the voicemail. He wasn’t one to drink himself into oblivion and not remember his actions the night prior. It just wasn’t him but he had to have been pretty pissed to have announced his love to you via voicemail. So, when you reached his door, your hands shook a bit with nerves while you knocked. In seconds, a tired Tom in grey sweatpants and no shirt opened the door.

“Mornin’.” His morning voice hit your ears like a beautiful melody.

“Morning.” You greeted, following him to the kitchen. “How, uh, how was your night last night?” You questioned while Tom started the coffee.

“Fine, Haz came over.” Tom answered shortly, something you were certain he didn’t know how to do.

“That’s it? Just fine? Harrison just came over?”

“What’s with the questions?” Tom mumbled, his heart beating inside his chest. He remembers the voicemail and he was punching himself for it. But, he was hoping you’d ignore it.

 **“** So, we’re just going to ignore the fact that you drunk dialed me to tell me you love me? **”**   You crossed your arms and watched him lean against the counter.

“I was pissed.” He tries to defend.

“So?” You challenge.

“So, so what if I do?” Tom raises his brows and gestures his hand out, figuring that since he was bringing up his drunken declaration, he might as well admit it sober.

“We’re friends, Tom.” You shake your head but your brows are knitted together in confusion.

 **“** Just friends don’t do this kind of shit! **”**  Tom grits his teeth.

“What shit?” You ask but your voice is quiet.

“We sleep together every other bloody night I’m home. You come over and you help take care of things and I never asked you to. You do it. I make sure you’re okay all the time. We sabotage dates and then act like we didn’t!”

“I’ve never done that.” You lie.

“Yeah, you have! You did it a few months ago! You were flirting with me in front of her when I was taking her out.”

“Okay,” You start, gesturing your own hand out. “Why didn’t you say anything then? Huh?”

“Because I’ve been in love with you forever! Because I was hopin’ that maybe if you were going to ruin my dates, it was because you felt the same way and I still think you do.”

Your mouth went dry as Tom got closer to you with every word he spoke. It was true, all of it. You only started flirting with him around girls because you knew they’d see you as a threat. You’re his best friend, they never stood a chance and they weren’t going to be in some weird love triangle. You sabotaged plenty of his dates and he did the same to you. It was an ongoing thing you both decided to ignore for the exact reasons Tom just spat.

“You think so?” You ask, your voice shaky.

“Yeah, yeah I do.” Tom says, his voice low with confidence.

“Prove it.”

With your words, Tom’s hands came to your cheeks and collided his lips with yours, crossing the line far over from friends. You caught on quick and gripped his sides to pull him as close to you as possible, both your hearts beating to the beat of the same song. Tom pulls away first but only for a few seconds, his eyes looking to yours and then to your lips.

“You _are_  in love with me.” Tom’s raspy voice fills the air.

“So in love with you.” You move your hands to Tom’s face and capture his lips in yours again.


	11. Refuge In A Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A horrible storm rips through Tom’s apartment leaving the two of you in the dark

Tom is your best friend. He’s been your best friend for years and you only live a few blocks from him so it wasn’t too unusual for you to stop by if you knew he was going to be home. But, this would be a little different.

There was supposed to be a horrendous storm and you had to work. You had to work and walk home since you didn’t trust the public transport in weather like this. But the storm just kept getting worse and you decided it wasn’t safe to be walking any further. Lucky for you, Tom’s apartment was close and you were sure he’d be home. He wouldn’t be out in this mess. 

You knocked on the apartment door, your clothes drenched and sticking to you. The door opened and Tom answered with his curls tousled and brown eyes soft and peaceful. He wore a soft smile with the sight of you, a light chuckle escaping his pink lips.

“Aye, wasn’t expecting you.” Tom chimes as he allows you. “You alright?”

“Was walking home from work when the damn storm hit.” You rolled your eyes. “Can’t see a foot in front of my face and the wind is horrible. I didn’t want to risk walking any further.” You scrunch your face and roll your shoulders back.

“Right,” Tom nods. “Well, guess you’re stuck with me until it calms down and I’ll take ya home, yeah?” You give him a soft nod while Tom gives you a lopsided smile as he looks you head to toe and back up. “You are awfully soaked. Why don’t I get you some clothes?” Tom’s got a sly smile but it’s soft like his eyes.

You watch him with suspicion but there really was nothing worse than wet jeans. “Actually, yeah.” You chuckle.

“C’mon, then.” Tom jerks his head down and the hall and you follow him.

You watch him rummage through one his drawers, looking for clothes you could wear. He only has a hoodie on and black athletic pants that seem to fit him perfectly. From where you’re standing you can see his knuckles, they’re either red from hitting something or red from eh dry weather. You never really knew with him, He moved with ease and almost in a type of rhythm as if he had a song playing in his head. He’s always so endearing about everything he does.

“Here ya go, darlin’.” Tom gives you a cheeky smile as he hands you a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

“Appreciated.” You nod and head to the bathroom, quickly changing and moving to the laundry room to toss your clothes in the dryer.

You make your way back out to the living room where Tom is seated comfortably, Netflix buffering on the TV while he scrolls through his phone. You take a seat on the other end of the couch, grabbing your own phone from the pockets of the shorts.

“Wifi’s gone out.” Tom mutters as he looks up, seeing your face illuminated by the screen.

“Figured that much.” You quip as you look to the screen and back to Tom. A rumble of thunder echoed through the apartment sending a chill down your spine and you to jump with the sound, immediately followed by the power going out. You groaned out in response. “It’s gonna be a long night.” You say as you flip the flashlight on your phone just as Tom does the same.

“Good thing you came here, don't’ya think? Be terrible if you were there yourself.” Tom says, his eyes not moving from you.

“Yeah, if the power is going to take away my entertainment, at least I still have you to laugh at.” You tease, pushing his shoulder.

“Ouch.” Tom pretends to be hurt by your shove and your words. “You’re not so lovely yourself.”

“Psh, you love me.” You quip, biting your lip, something Tom can hardly make out with only your flashlights.

But he does. He does see the lip bite and his heart races and his smile can’t budge. He wants to wipe the look off his face but he can’t. It’s a permanent expression when you’re around even in the upside and backward shadows that are cast on your face. Best friends, yes. But was that all? No. It used to be though. But, now no matter how wet your hair is or how messy your clothes are, if your makeup is running and your eyes bloodshot from some asshole who broke your heart, you were perfect. Tom just simply stayed quiet about it.

“Yeah, sure.” Tom says, looking away. “Now what?” He says before the conversation can continue.

“How much battery do you have on your laptop?” You ask.

“Enough for a movie.” Tom says. “C’mon.” He shines his flashlight towards the ground and offers you a hand to follow him to the bedroom, the place he always kept the computer.

Your grip tightens on Tom’s hand as more thunder rumbles through his apartment, you realizing that despite how close you were, you’d never actually spent time with him in a storm. Not a storm like this anyway. Normally, thunder didn’t sit well with you but you’d handle it fine. It’s just, the power is out the only light coming through the windows is the lightning striking through the sky. You couldn’t help but grip Tom for safety.

“What? You afraid of thunder or something?” Tom asks as you enter his room. You stay silent and he looks at you, shining his light just enough to see your face but not blind you. “Are you really?” His brows furrow and you can barely make out the guilt across his face for making the comment.

“Only when it’s like this.” You mumble, not releasing his hand.

He nods and grips your hand tighter. “Thunder buddies.” Sarcasm drenches his words.

“You’re a dork.” You laugh releasing his hand and making your way to his bed.

“You love me.” Tom says as he grabs his laptop and makes his way over to you, taking the seat beside you. “Not sure what’s in here so we’ll be settling since I’m not hunting for a movie in the damn dark.”

“I really don’t care. Just let me sleep in your t-shirtand I’ll be happy.”

“Oh and now you’re just gonna stay the night and use me for my clothes, huh?” Tom quips.

“You’re stuck with me, Holland.” You nudge his shoulder, and his smile is so soft and graceful, eyes lingering. Another rumble of thunder comes through and you curl into him. Tom watches you and, as if an instinct, drapes an arm around you to pull you closer to him. “Sorry.” You mumble.

“You’re fine, darlin’.” Tom says softly. “Apparently, we’re watching Jurassic Park.”

“How ironic.” You groan.

“We couldn’t watch it.” Tom retorts.

“Oh no, play the movie.” You insist.

Tom chuckles and does as you say. The two of you lay like that, his arm wrapped around you and his laptop on his lap. Your head is laid on his chest, able to see the screen but it’s only one a few minutes until your eyes begin to start to close. Tom’s heartbeat being the clam in the chaos of the storm. It’s a steady rhythm, like a lullaby lulling you to a peaceful sleep.

The movie plays on and Tom’s hand runs through your hair every so often, just enjoying the time. You two cuddled time to time and this wasn’t the first time you’d fallen asleep on him but it wasn’t a regular thing. It just happened when either of you were overly tired. There’s comfort within each other. But the longer Tom lays with you on his chest, the more guilt he starts to feel, as if maybe he’s taking advantage, just this one time with the storm. You didn’t know his real feelings but that didn’t stop him from overthinking.

So, he softly moved you from his chest, you barely even stirring as he did so. Tom took one last look at you as he grabbed his laptop and made his way into the living room, leaving the door open for you in case you woke up.

He made his way to the couch, successfully bumping into a chair on his way and nearly yelling out in pain but mainly to just hiss a few swears left his mouth quietly.

Tom felt it was just better this way. He already adored you and he didn’t want to fall any harder. This moment of your vulnerability would make him finish his fall into the deep hole he’d never be able to dig himself out of. He couldn’t risk your friendship like that.

But, about an hour had passed and the loudest roll of thunder startled even Tom. It was so loud it woke you up, your body shooting up and your heart already pounding while you tried to catch your breath. You looked around, Tom nowhere in sight which only increased your growing heart rate.

“Tom?” You called out. You search the bed for your phone and started feeling the nightstand, trying to locate it as quick as possible, hands shaking with anxiety. “Tom?” You called out again, this time  a little louder and you could hear footsteps nearing the room

“Hey, sorry. You alright?” He asks, his figure shadowed in the doorway as lightning illuminated the room.

“Why’d you leave?” Your voice is drenched in panic, catching Tom off guard.

He makes his way to the bed and sits back down.”I-I wasn’t tired, didn’t want to wake you.”

“You never leave.” You state, remembering all the times Tom has stayed awake hours after you’ve fallen asleep.

He always just lowered the brightness on his laptop screen, shut the backlight off, even muted the TV a few times. He never just left you in the middle of the night and it was even more uncharacterized seeing as he knew you were feeling uneasy in this storm.

Tom licks his lip, trying to think of anything to tell you. “Really, didn’t want to wake you.”

More thunder rumbles through the apartment, making you reach out for Tom who greatly took your hand in his, squeezing it gently. He places his phone face down on the bed beside the two of you so the light would shine and you’d be able to actually make out each other expressions.

“Is everything okay with you?” You ask quietly.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Tom’s thumb moves over the top of your hand gently.

“You’ve been a bit weird is all.” You shrug, watching his face contort in what looks to be hurt.

“Lot on my mind lately. Nothing to worry about.” He flashes a fake smile.

“Come on, _best friend_. What’s up?” You push.

“You should try and sleep more.” Tom says, looking to the open pillow.

“I’m awake now and I need to be distracted.”

It was true. If you were able to hear what Tom had on his mind it would distract you. He was always the best at pulling your mind away from whatever was bothering you or had you worried. That’s part of why you adored him with your entire being. It’s why your heart fluttered inside your chest whenever you saw that soft glimmer in his dark eyes.

“It’s nothing, y/n.” Tom’s voice grows a bit defensive.

“Tom, what’s up?” You shake your hand and squeeze his hand when you hear lightning crack across the skin, the room lighting up and showing his eyes better. They’re glossy, making your heart ache.

“Alright.” Tom sighs and runs a free hand through his hair. “But you can’t laugh, yeah?”

“Okay…” You nod and wait.

“I know you’re my best friend, but, I like you quite a bit more than that. I have for a long time now and, uh,” He shrugs. “I-I just don’t want to ruin it and I like what we have and I understand if you don’t feel the same. That’s fine but you asked why I left.I left because,” He pauses and licks his lips. “I just felt like I was taking advantage of you.” His brows knit together and his thumb rubs quicker circles over the top of your hand. “I like you. I’m-” You cut him off by releasing his hand and cupping his face. “Sorry…” Tom’s word trails off as he’s able to make out the darker shade of your eyes in the horrendous lighting his flashlight was not doing you justice. “Maybe this isn’t-”

“Please, shut up so I can kiss you.” You smirk and Tom’s eyes go doe-eyed.

You pull him into you and Tom’s mouth is quick to move with yours, just barely parting your lips. His hand goes to your back and pushes you down on the mattress lightly while your hands move to the back of his neck, lightly tugging at his loose curls.

What Tom didn’t realize was that you were just as head over heels for him as he was for you.


	12. Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’re a stunt woman for next Spidey film which leads you to met Tom, who isn’t who you thought he was

This wasn’t your first time working on a film, not even close. In fact, you’ve built a fairly nice career for yourself as a stunt woman already. You enjoyed the thrill of doing your own stunts and yeah sure, sometimes you got injured but it was always worth it. You got to do the cool stuff, the stuff the actors weren’t allowed to do. With that, however, came you meeting the actors themselves. Most were very nice but others were less than anything to be desired. 

You never had much problem with the women, only on rare occasions. It was the men. Now, most were very kind but it was always the rude and indecent ones that seemed to outweigh all of the good ones. You were sick and tired of being catcalled and flirted with as if you were some type of property. That’s part of why you became a stunt woman to begin with. You’re stronger than these men give you credit for and you’re willing to protect yourself and put them in their place when need be. So, to say you were only mildly concerned when you found out you’d be on the same set as Tom Holland would be an understatement.

You’d only heard good things about the new Spider-Man but he was attractive. He’s strong, fit, he’s Spider-Man for fuck’s sake. You know damn well he had girls all over him and it’s likely it’s gone to his head. It wasn’t that you were conceited in thinking that he’d be like all the other guys that always saw you as a pretty face, it was just what you expected at this point and you didn’t want to hear it anymore.

“Y/n, this is Tom.” Tom’s stunt double introduced you.

“Hi.” You smiled kindly, already judging him.

“Hello, darlin’. It’s nice meeting you.”

“Yeah, don’t call me that.” You shake your head and roll your eyes, denying his handshake which grants you a soft glare from his stunt double.

“Uh, sorry.” Tom put his hand in his pocket. “I didn’t me-”

“It’s fine. I gotta go.” You brush him off, already picking up that’s he’s likely too big of flirt for your comfort.

It was one word, one word that actually isn’t too uncommon but it rubbed you the wrong way and maybe you were a little harsh but then again, you saw the way him and Zendaya went back and forth. They were just friends but Tom was always cheeky and you saw the way he was with the other girls on set, always cheeky and a bit flirty. Maybe he didn’t actually mean to be flirty, but he was. It was pretty repulsive. So, you made it your own personal mission to avoid Tom at all costs. And it worked. It worked for about two days and then you ran into each other at catering.

Tom came up from the side of you and he started putting food on his plate, his eyes constantly glancing at you the entire time while you were grabbing your food. You could feel his eyes on you and goosebumps formed on your skin while your blood started to boil.

“Yes?” You tried not to sound too annoyed, knowing you had to be professional.

“Nothing.” Tom shakes his head, now keeping his stare at the food. “Just curious why you’ve been avoiding me.”

“Don’t owe you an explanation.” You state with a one-shoulder shrug.

“No, no you don’t.” Tom agrees. “But I am curious. I don’t think I’ve done anything but if I have, I’d like to know so I know not to do it again in the future. I don’t like pissing people off.” Tom admits and his voice is level and actually quite sweet but you don’t buy it.

“Guess that’s something you’ll have to deal with.”

Tom bites his tongue wanting to fire back with something snarky but he was already on your bad side and he had no idea why. He was rarely on anyone’s bad side. He was always very kind and respectful to anyone and everyone. It’s just how he is. He was raised to be kind and respectful so the fact you were completely blowing him off and without reason was really eating at him. Tom just wanted to know what he did.

“Look, I’m just trying to figure out-”

“Look,” You cut him off again, this time facing him. “If you ever come near me again, I’ll knock you so far into the future you’ll be meeting your great-grandkids.”

Tom’s eyes widened with your quick response, his jaw agape while you turned on your heels and walked away. You were standing your ground on him. He was a flirt and you didn’t have time for it. You didn’t have time for him to be charming and end up being an utter ass. You met way too many guys like and he couldn’t even respect that you didn’t want to tell him what your issue was.

Tom did as you threatened. He stayed away from you as much as he could the rest of the week. It wasn’t exactly easy but he managed and you tried your best to avoid him as well so it really was working but then you were corned bu his best friend and he was asking what Tom had done for you to threaten him. It really wasn’t until then that you realized maybe you really had jumped the gun in order to protect yourself. His best friend explained that Tom was still going back and forth on what he could have done and if there were a way to make whatever he did up to you. He didn’t even know you but he still didn’t want you to hate him. You felt real fucking guilty after finding that out.

You sighed and decided to make your way to Tom’s trailer, pushing down your pride in order to apologize. You knocked and Tom opened the door a few seconds later, his eyes wide with the sight of you.

“Uh…hi?” He says.

“Can I come in? I want to apologize.” You say, heat rising to your cheeks.

“Sure.” Tom says, his voice questioning as he allows you inside. The two fo you sit on either side of the small table. “Oh, sorry. Did you want something to drink?” He asks as he places his hands on the table to get up.

“No,” You shake your head. “It’s fine.”

Tom nods and sits back down. “So, what’s going on?” He asks, fidgeting with his watch.

“I was a bitch.” You give an embarrassed chuckle. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so quick to judge.”

Tom glances down and bites his lip. “Why were you?” His voice is light but you hear the touches of hurt in the words.

“Getting catcalled and flirted with all the time is the worst.” You say through your teeth, heat rising back to your cheeks as it’s your turn to look to the table.

“Oh…” Tom says, processing your words. “I’d never catcall and I’m sorry if you thought I was flirting when I called you darlin’. I use it a lot.” Tom’s words are sincere making you look back to him.

“No, I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I’m just quick to judge.”

“Well, it’s quite alright.” Tom reassures. “All’s forgiven. Start over?”

“Absolutely. You’re not so bad from this conversation actually.”

A sly grin comes to Tom’s face as the two of you shake hands. “Aww, look who actually has a heart under the blackness.” Tom chuckles.

“Alright.” You scoff but hold a steady smile. “I deserve that.”

“I won’t flirt with you but you gotta take the piss.”

“Fine, but you’ve got to pull your pants up. You’re gonna trip one day and break your nose.” You tease back.

Tom licks his lips, the smirk steady with his eyes bright. “I’ll take my chances.”


	13. Mistakes Happen, Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom is supposed to be the one person to keep your heart safe so what happens when he’s the one breaking it?

Tom’s breathing is ragged and his cheeks are red and tear stained. His bottom lip quivered, wet from licking it so much as he tried to control his breathing. When he did speak, it was all stutters and a damaged voice. He sputtered and sniffled, trying his hardest to control the waterfall of tears while you remained stone cold. 

He isーwas your best friend. He, of all people, was not supposed to hurt you like this but he did. You both had liked each other for years. It was so blatantly obvious but you two were too lost in the other’s laughter to realize it. You’d feared losing your friendship as did he but then there was one day and it was normal. It wasn’t like in movies where the friends are laughing at a movie in the middle of the night and it wasn’t a fight that lead to it. It was nothing like that.

* * *

_“Tom?” You asked, knowing he was holding something in._

_“S-sorry.” He said, you pulling him back to reality as his hands shook with nerves on the other end of the phone. “You busy?”_

_“Nah, just chilling.” You answered nonchalantly._

_“Yeah, same.” He said._

_“Why don’t you come over?” You giggled on the other end of the line. “Ya know, if we’re both going to be chilling for the day, why not do it together?”_

_You heard Tom chuckle. “Yeah, alright.” He said. “Be over in a few.”_

_“Grab some food on your way, I’m starving.” You groaned._

_“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Tom said, you hear him smile on the other end. “Pizza?”_

_“Yes, please.” You beamed despite him not being able to see you._

_“Fine, but ya owe me, yeah?”_

_“Psh. Fuck off and get over here.” You give Tom a laugh before hanging up the phone._

_You weren’t quite sure why Tom had called you in the first place. He was never much of a caller. He always preferred texting unless he had something to tell you or just needed something quick but when he called, he was quiet. Anything other than jokes or some type of rambling was uncharacteristic of him so you were already a bit torn but when he asked you how you were, you knew he was up to something._

_Tom asked when he saw you of course, but he never called to ask that. It was odd and when you answered, he just seemed to space out. Of course, you couldn’t tell if he had that soft distant look he gets when he’s lost in his own head, but you were still sure of it. And you’d be sure not to waste any time in finding out the real reason he’d called._

_About half an hour later, a knock sounded on your door. As you got up from your spot on the couch, your door creaked open and in walked Tom, dark blue jeans and a black shirt. He had a pizza in hand and a nervous smile as his eyes fell on you, his foot shutting the door behind him._

_“Hey,” You greeted as you took the pizza box from his hands._

_“Hey!” Tom says. “I paid for that!”_

_“Yeah, your point?” You quipped, smirking as you walked to your kitchen._

_Tom watched you and shook his head, the nervous smile not daring to even falter._

_“So, what’s got you all weird? You never just call.” You question, opening the box after grabbing a few paper plates for the both of you._

_“You always call me weird.” Tom retorts, taking the plate you’d offered him._

_You rolled your eyes. “You know what I mean.” Tom took a deep breath, trying to shake off his nerves while you continued to talk. “Is something wrong? I mean, you just sounded really weird on the phone.” Your eyes move away from the pizza and land on Tom’s. He was looking at you differently. There was a lightness to his eyes but his brows were furrowed and his chest was moving fast with every beat that passed. He didn’t say a word and Tom is never quiet. “Alright, you’re freaking me out. What’s up?”_

_Tom took one step forward and rested a hand on your cheek, his thumb lightly rubbing over your cheek. Your heart stopped, just for a millisecond with his action. Best friends. You were always this close to him. You’d fallen asleep on him even and him on you. But, this wasn’t that. He was gently cupping your face and it wasn’t platonic. That’s the difference in his eyes. It’s him trying to cross that platonic line._

_And you let him._

_He doesn’t say a word before his lips are on yours and it’s so soft and sweet. Delicate like lace, but only at first. Just at first because after a few beats, a few shocked beats pass and your hands pull him flush against you and he moans into your mouth. Tom’s other hand cups your other cheek, keeping your mouth moving with his while the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and his heart flutters, blood cooling with relief but burning with lust and want. He wanted you. He needed you._

_You pull away and Tom just whimpers quietly, almost inaudibly. “Uh…that what you wanted to say?” You ask as you lean your forehead against his._

_“Yeah, yeah.” Tom sighs with a goofy lopsided smile. “I like you quite a bit.”_

_“Yeah,” Your smile nearly triples in size with his words because your heart has always beat to a different rhythm when it came to Tom. “Good thing I like you, too.” You wrinkle your nose, teasing Tom before his lips crash back into yours, you laughing right into his mouth._

* * *

If you could go back to that day a year ago and take it back, you would. Oh, you would in a heartbeat because now you’re losing your boyfriend and your best friend in one go. What he did, it’s unforgivable. You swore if anyone ever cheated on you, accident or not, you’d be done with them. You’d be so done with them because you don’t deserve someone who cheats. If they cheat accidentally, there’s a reason. And now you’re looking into the eyes of someone who swore he’d never do such a horrible, soul-crushing thing.

“I-I-I’m so sorry, please.” Tom pleads.

“Please what?” You spit. “What? Just sure, Tom, all’s good and well now. Just because you apologized.”

“No! That’s not what I’m saying!” Tom croaks. “I just,” He tries to find words but they’re all lost in the fog of his head.

“What? Was I not good-”

“No! No! No!” Tom yells out. “No. I was your friend and I fucked up.” He sniffles, swallowing the lump in his throat. “This is on me.”

You look away from him as he moves closer to you. “You should go home. We’re done here.”

“Y/n, please.” Tom tries again.

“Go. You’re right this is on you but it doesn’t fucking make me feel any better. You cheated. Of all the horrible things you could have done, and you cheated. Get out.” You keep your voice level with the growing lump in your throat.

“Just let me explain.” Tom pleads, trying to grab your hand with cold, shaky hands.

“No.” You stand up abruptly. “No, go home. I don’t want you here. Go.” You cross your arm and Tom looks at you like a lost puppy, breaking your heart further which then pissed you off. How dare he look at you like that. Make you feel bad for being upset with him for cheating on  _you_.

“P-”

“For fuck’s sake, out!” Your voice finally cracks with the last word and Tom just hangs his head as he gets up from the comfort of your couch.

“I-I’m sorry.” His lips quivers while he speaks, swallowing hard.

You don’t say anything, just stare at his bloodshot eyes. Your heart felt like it had been ripped out of your chest and played with like a puppet on strings. It was horrible for you to assume you’d feel somewhat better to watch him leave, to not have to look at his sorrow drenched face but it didn’t. He left and you just felt worse because while he cheated on you, he was still your best friend. Betrayal hurt and it should, it really should but there was this part of you that wanted it fixed. You wanted it fixed now that he was gone. It’s real now. You kicking him out made it real.

You sobbed for what seemed like hours, just you and your tears with a TV in the background playing some movie Tom hated. It couldn’t have gotten quite more depressing than that. Hell, you didn’t even have ice cream to curl up with like in all those romance movies with breakups. But, ice cream and a John Hughes’s movies weren’t going to mend your heart. Your friends weren’t which is why you were dodging texts, none of them having a single clue about you and Tom.

Your eyes burned and were swollen, so much so your vision was actually fogged but you were curled up on the couch, your breathing finally steadying and your eyes closing. It’d be a long night of you begging for exhaustion to take you and it was finally there. It was finally closing its arms around you. And, with your luck, your phone goes off. You groan and grab it, seeing Harrison’s name across the screen.

“It’s three in the morning, this better be important.” You hiss.

“You tell me.” Harrison’s voice was harsh as you could hear cries in the background. “He won’t stop.”

“Well he fucked up. What do you want me to do?” You sit up, your head dizzy from the exhaustion.

“Hear him out! You know what happened?” Harrison never got snippy with you. There was plenty of banter between the two fo you but that’s it. He never raised his voice, nothing but oh man, was he fucking pissed at you.

“He said he kissed another girl.” Your voice is flat and the lump in your throat reappears as if it had been lurking there the entire time and just waiting for another trigger.

“Fuck’s sake.” Harrison mumbles. “You didn’t even let him explain, did you? She kissed him! He pushed her off the second it happened but he felt so bloody guilty about it he went over first thing to tell you. He was a wreck the rest of the night and now he’s a mess tonight.”

“He didn’tーI mean he didn’t say that. He just said he kissed another girl.” You say quietly.

“Yeah, y/n, because he feels guilty! He wasn’t doing anything and I think you know me well ‘nough to know I would tell you the truth here. He wasn’t flirting, just grabbing us our pints. She came on to him and for the record, she couldn’t even walk straight.”

You sigh and run a hand through your hair. Harrison was right. Yes, guy code but that didn’t matter. If Tom fucks up, Harrison is first to make him fess up about it. Harrison wouldn’t have his back if Tom actually cheated on you and you know Tom well enough to know if what Harrison is saying is true, Tom would take all the blame. It’s who he is.

“He’s your best friend, you believe he’d do that to you?” Harrison’s voice comes back to a calming tone.

“No..” You answer. “If it’s alright-”

“Get over here and make him stop crying, please. I don’t know what else to do.” Harrison pleads.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” You say and hang up the phone.

You rub your face and shut your TV off, getting up from the couch. It was so late. You were nuts to go over there now but at this rate, you weren’t going to get sleep. Tom sure as hell wasn’t getting any and that meant Harrison wouldn’t be getting any either. You might as well go over and really see what happened. You ran cold water over your face, clearing up the fuzziness of your vision before you headed to Tom’s home. When you arrived, Harrison opened the door, him looking nearly as exhausted as you.

“Living room.” He says. “I’m gonna go to bed now.” Harrison says as he shuts the door behind you.

“You’re not lying to me?”

“Got a video of it. Harry happened to be filming for something he’s working on. Got it on film.”

You shut your eyes for a few seconds, kicking yourself for not hearing Tom out hours ago. You knew better than to just cut him off. You should have let him finish.

“Night.” Harrison says, leaving you to make your way to Tom alone.

When you reached the living room, Tom had Tessa laying next to him, her head in his lap while his hand pet her head slowly. Your favorite movie was playing on the TV but other than that, the entire living room was still and silent, besides Tom’s soft sniffles every few seconds.

“Hey…” You whisper as you finish walking into the room, gaining his attention.

His eyes shoot open and Tessa wakes up before jumping from the couch to greet you. You bend down to pet the Staffy you’ve grown to love.

“H-Harrison said you were coming but…I didn’t think you would.” Tom’s voice is strained, showing his exhaustion and the hours of stress he’s put on his vocal cords from crying.

“He told me what happened.” You keep your voice quiet, standing up when Tessa moves back to her heartbroken owner. You move over to him slowly as your brows furrow. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“You didn’t want to hear it.” Tom says, the frown making your heart ache more.

“You could have cut me off or…I don’t know. Something.” You take a seat beside him.

“Yeah…” Tom hangs his head, going back to petting Tessa. “I don’t know. It’s my fault, y/n.”

“Harrison said you weren’t even flirting.”

“I must’ve been.” Tom’s voice rises but not enough to be considered more than a normal level. “Or she-”

“Harrison also said she was pretty drunk.”

Tom bites the inside of his cheek, fighting the growing lump in his throat. “I’m sorry.”

“Mistakes happen, right?” Tom looks to you as you speak, his eyes growing hopeful. “I believe you and I should have heard you out. I know you’d never do anything to hurt. me”

“No, no, no,” Tom shakes his head quickly. “I-I should have just spat it out but you were so hurt and I’m sorry, love.”

You take a deep breath and force the corner of your mouth into a soft smile. “We’ll pretend it never happened, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Tom nods, him giving you a smile, as he extends an arm out, inviting you to curl into his side.

You shake your head but this time the forced smile is genuine. You move into him and peck his cheek, your heart still aching from the day but already starting to feel the healing take place. You knew it wouldn’t be like it never happened but you’d move on. You were sure of it, as was Tom. Both of you sure you’d make it.


	14. What're Friends For?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom decides to help you take a break from studying

Exam season. It’s the worst season. You’re stressed to hell, just wanting everything to be over. Your career rides on whether or not you pass and you can’t not pass. You have to do this. You’ve been studying for weeks now but this past week, all you’ve done is cram. It’s a miracle you haven’t crashed by now but you’re still going, that is, until your phone vibrates.

You check the text and see it’s from Tom, him saying he was outside of your apartment. With a deep sigh, you get up from your spot on the living room floor and head to your door.

“What’re you doing here?” You question as you allow the curly haired boy inside.

“I’ve barely seen you all week. ‘M not allowed to see my best mate?” Tom pouts.

“I’ve got exams. I told you.” You roll your eyes and head back to your spot on the floor, it’s cluttered with papers and books and your laptop open and on display. It’s truly a mess.

“You need to relax.” Tom says, looking down at you with crossed arms.

“Relax after exams.” You state.

Tom squats down and takes the paper you were looking out. “Darlin’, you’re going to fail if you don’t take a break.”

You give him a sullen expression. “You’re not going to give it back are you?”

“No.” Tom chided. “Now, listen, we can do something illegal or we can watch Netflix. Up to you.” There’s a sly smile across his face with the words.

You smile but hold a steady expression. “Alright, what’d you have in mind?”

Tom chuckled and grabbed your hand, pulling you up from the floor. You followed him out to the parking lot and to his car. His lips were sealed on where he was taking you, for once. He was giddy like the Energizer Bunny but he was not spilling. It only slightly concerned you seeing as it was approaching ten at night. Not to mention, Tom wasn’t one who just went around did something that was against the law but here he was. Risking getting arrested to get you out of your house and clear your head.

“Okay,” Tom says. “It’s not actually illegal.” He admits.

“Then where are we going?” You give him a questionable smile.

“My parents’ house.”

“We’ve been driving for half an hour!” You try to call his bluff, knowing you were a maximum fifteen-minute drive from Tom’s childhood home.

“Yeah, felt like driving.” Tom chuckles.

“You’re a dork.”

“And you’re my best mate so who’s the dork now?” Tom quips.

“Still you. I’m your friend because no one else will put up with you.” You retort, a triumphant smile on display when he glances to you with a dropped jaw.

“Rude.” Tom pretends to be offended while you start laughing.

The two of you continue the banter until you reach the Holland’s home. You still weren’t sure why he was bringing you here. Sure, you’d been here before, quite a few times but why would bringing you here help you relax? Of course, you enjoyed his family, it was just a bit odd of all places to bring you, it’s his childhood home. But, he brings you out to the backyard where there’s already a few blankets and pillows set up. The view from his parents’ backyard is far better than that of his.

“You little shit.” You grin ear to ear with the sight.

“Hey,” Tom shrugs as you make your way to lay down on the blankets. “I knew you wouldn’t want to go too far. I’m surprised you let me go as long as you did.” Tom lays beside you, his hands going behind his head.

“Only because you’d throw a fit if I didn’t go along.” You cross your fingers over your stomach, glancing to him and then to the sky.

“I’m not that bad!” Tom defends but his eyes are glued to the sky.

“You’re alright, I guess.”

“You’re just on a roll, tonight, huh?” Tom quips.

“You’re just fun to fuck with.”

“Shut up.” Tom groans and pulls out his phone, turning on a playlist the two of you share.

The music plays through bouncing between your favorites and Tom’s favorites. You have soft conversations about everything you could possibly need to catch up on as well as the usual teasing banter until you both fall into a comfortable silence. By this time, you’ve readjusted and you’re laying on Tom’s chest and his arm is around you. The sky is calm and pretty, a few planes only being seen passing along the stars. Tom knew you better than anyone and this was just the way to get you to relax. A night spent under the stars, talking to your best friend and listening to your favorite music. What else could there be?

“Aye,” You say. “Thanks for this.” You whisper.

Tom’s stare moves down to you with the softest expression. “Of course.” He says.

“You’re the best.” You muse as you look up to him, your faces maybe just a little too close.

“I know.” Tom’s stare grows cocky with his words.

You roll your eyes. “Oh, how I could just kiss you.” The sarcastic words drip from your mouth and hang in the air.

You were dramatic and it was very clearly sarcasm but then you saw the look in Tom’s eyes and questioned if he might just kiss you. Best friends are just that, best friends and it’s always fun and games with the two of you but then you start to think about your past relationships and notice how there’s been one consistency. Tom.

If he needs you, you’re there. If he has something planned, you’re there every step of the way. He’s who you complain to when whoever you were dating would get annoyed with how often you’d hang out with Tom and how close you were. They could always see it before you could. Tom always said you just deserved better and then let you cry it out if you had to or hit a few pillows. Whatever you needed. He was there. He’s always been there.

“ _Can_ …I kiss you?” Tom’s brows furrow as he glances to your lips and back to your eyes, his fingers rubbing soft circles over your shoulder.

You hesitate but only for a few seconds. “Yeah.”

Without hesitation, Tom’s other hand cupped your cheek and brought your lips to his, allowing the two of you to cross that thin line you’ve been walking for years now. And it’s perfect. It’s the definition of everything every kiss should be. Not too rough, not too soft but there’s so much need and adornment behind it that your veins start to ache. Your heart throbs and your head spins. This is what you needed, needed more than anything.


	15. Break Up In A Small Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She could get on with her life and I’d get on with mine, thought I would be fine, heh, but maybe not.”

Tom loved you with everything in him. His heart _beat_ for you. You two had this, this idea of a love story. Your friends looked at the two of you and knew that you were going to make it and you were who they looked up to when they were having relationship problems because you and Tom were perfect. You were the epic love story. 

Keyword: were. **  
**

ᵂᵉ'ᵈ ᵖᵃʸ ᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵃᵐᵉ ᵖᵘᵐᵖˢ˒ ᶠˡᶤᵖ ᵗʰʳᵒᵘᵍʰ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵃᵐᵉ ˢᵗᵃᵗᶤᵒᶰˢ˒ ᵃᶰᵈ ˢˡᵒʷ ᵈᵒʷᶰ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵃᵐᵉ ᶜᵘʳᵛᵉˢ˒ ʳᵘᶰ ᵃʳᵒᵘᶰᵈ ʷᶤᵗʰ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵃᵐᵉ ᶜʳᵒʷᵈˢˑ ᵂᵉ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᶰᵉᵉᵈᵉᵈ ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᵗᶤᵐᵉ

Something, a piece of the two of you fell apart. The truth was that you didn’t want the same things and your hearts weren’t in it anymore. There was no fighting, no screaming. It was just…over. One minute, Tom was laughing at something you said and the next, he was holding back tears while you were biting back a cry. It hurt so fucking bad to leave but what’s the point of continuing if you don’t want the same things? If feelings aren’t as strong as they were? Why bother?

It was hell, truthfully. You’d run into each other all the time, no matter how hard you tried to avoid each other but you traveled in the same circles, went to the same places. Neither of you were willing to give up your routines so you’d just pretend like you didn’t see each other. Every single time. At least, for the first few months.

After that, you and Tom stopped dodging eye contact and sent each other soft smiles. You were both able to attend the same parties again, still keeping more to yourselves but at least able to be around your friends at the same time again. And the more you saw Tom, the easier it became.

Easier.

How ironic. Someone you thought you could never live without, became someone that you only ever thought about when you saw him, when he was brought up. Not only could you live without him but you could thrive without him.

Tom, Tom on the other hand. Every damn time he saw you smile, he crumbled. He wanted to scream and scratch at his skin, anything to make the ache in his chest stop. But he was supposed to be moving on and you sure as hell were. He was still so fucking in love with you, in love with your epic love story that he can’t help but watch you and regret not trying harder. Maybe he should have reached out after a little while. A month. Were the difference between you really that big? Was it that bad? But, then again, Tom didn’t realize your feelings for him weren’t as strong as his were for you.

ᴵ ˢᵉᵉ ᵒᵘʳ ᶠʳᶤᵉᶰᵈˢ ᵃᶰᵈ ᵗʰᵉʸ ᵖᵘᵗ ᵒᶰ ᵃ ˢʰᵒʷ ˡᶤᵏᵉ ᵗʰᵉʸ ᵈᵒᶰ'ᵗ ʷᵃᶰᵗ ᵐᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵏᶰᵒʷ ˢᵒ ᵗʰᵉʸ ᵍᶤᵛᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵍᵒ⁻ᵃʳᵒᵘᶰᵈ

Now it’s seven months later and Harrison is sitting across from Tom, his thumbs tapping nervously.

“You like y/n, don’t you?” Tom asks and he tries to hide the sorrow.

“Yeah, man. I do.” Harrison nods, shame eating at his stomach.

“She into you?”

Harrison takes in a breath. “I dunno, haven’t asked.”

Tom scoffs. “Right, so what’s with the looks?” Harrison gives Tom’s a quizzical look. “I see the way everyone looks at the two of you when I come in. I’m not that oblivious, mate.”

Harrison bites the inside of his cheek. “Yeah, she does but if you’re not okay with it-”

“Go for it.” Tom rushes, pushing his own feelings aside.

“Yeah?” Harrison’s eyes narrow.

“Yeah, if you’re both happy, that’s what matters.” Tom dodges Harrison’s eyes as the gnawing in the pit of his stomach intensifies.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Tom responds, swallowing a harsh lump.

“Thanks.” Harrison nods understandingly but the guilt is written across his face.

“How long?” Tom asks.

“It doesn’t matter.” Harrison avoids the question.

Tom rolls his eyes. “C’mon, how long have you been talkin’?”

“A few months. I didn’t mean for it, I promise. And it’s only talkin’ nothing more.”

“Alright.” Tom nods, not able to make out another word.

ᴵ'ᵈ ᶰᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ˢʰᵉ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵈᵒʷᶰ ʷᶤᵗʰ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵇᵒᵈʸ ᴵ ᵏᶰᵒʷˑ ᴵ ᵍᵘᵉˢˢ ᵗʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ʲᵘˢᵗ ʰᵒʷ ᶤᵗ ᵍᵒᵉˢ ʷʰᵉᶰ ʸᵒᵘ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏ ᵘᵖ ᶤᶰ ᵃ ˢᵐᵃˡˡ ᵗᵒʷᶰ

Could there be anything worse than seeing you happy with his best friend? He was happy that you were happy. That Harrison was happy because you two mean the world to him but god did it eat at him. He put on fake smiles every single time he saw the two of you together, which he did try to avoid. But, close proximity makes it hard.

He saw your car outside his house and he spilled swears from his mouth the rest of his way home. You weren’t his and he had no right. It’s been months, over a year and you were going on with your life. You were moving on and he needed to find a way to do that same. It’s just hard seeing the person he loves happy with someone that’s not him, knowing full and well, it’s too late and it’ll never be him again.

But, more time passes and Tom dates here and there nothing sticking while you and Harrison go strong. Steady and strong, not a single falter. Your and Harrison’s relationship was sturdier than yours and Tom’s ever was. So, now Tom’s sitting at the engagement party, no plus one with him and he’s smiling. The ache in his chest is killing him and for a split second, he could have sworn the entire room was aware of it. But no one was. It’s just him.

Maybe one day, he’ll be okay and you’ll stop giving him the ‘could’ve been’ look. You’re happy, healthy, and you don’t need him. But he sure as hell needs you.


	16. Have A Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom comes home from a night out and you prove you’re not so cold-hearted after all

The apartment was quiet tonight. Tom was out with a few of his friends and you were sitting inside catching up on last-minute coursework for the end of the year. It was rather peaceful and while you enjoyed living with Tom and his happy-go-lucky energy, you were enjoying working in the quiet for once. It really let you focus and get everything done. But, your calm and peaceful night came to a stop when you decided to make yourself dinner.

You were chopping up vegetables and you happened to get your hand. The cut went deep, probably deep enough for stitches so you rushed off to the bathroom where you and Tom kept a first aid kit. You ran your hand under water, your eyes water from the stinging pain radiating through your enter hand while the water turned a vibrant red. You were too busy focusing on not screaming or crying that you hadn’t heard Tom come home. He heard the water running and made his way to the bathroom, seeing you leaned over the counter.

“What the hell happened?” He asks coming up to you.

“It’s fine.” You mumble, looking to your hand as you shut the water off.

“You’re bleeding everywhere. Lemme see.” Tom tries to take your hand but you jerk it away.

“I don’t need your help.” You grab a towel and wrap it around your hand.

“I’m just trying to make sure you’re alright.” Tom defends.

“Okay, cool. I don’t need it, alright?” You snap and Tom’s eyes roll with your words.

You two did get along well but whenever Tom offered to help with anything, you always snapped on him. He was always just trying to be nice and you couldn’t handle it. It was easier to push people away when they showed they cared in any way than to just let them in. If you let people in, let them care, they always fuck you over or end up leaving without a trace. It was just easier to have walls seven stories high. You made that clear and Tom seemed to keep running face first into them.

“What’s your fuckin’ issue?” Tom groans.

“I cut my damn hand. What do you think is my issue?”

Tom shakes his head, his ears tinting red from frustration. “Why can’t you just let someone care about you?” Tom’s words are forced as the happy mood he was in completely fades away.

“I don’t ask you to care. That’s your choice.” You try and push it onto him as you check the bleeding of your finger.

“You make it hard not to!” Tom raises his voice, something he never did even when you two did get under each other’s skin.

“Uh…what?” You face him, your voice quiet but your face showing your confusion with his tone.

“We’re flatmates, yeah,” Tom shrugs and gestures his hands out. “But you’re my friend and I care so you’re gonna have to get rid of that lifeless exterior and deal with it.”

“I don’t have to listen to you.” You roll your eyes and pull out a bandage.

“Fuck’s sake.” Tom hisses as he walks up to you and takes the bandage from your hand. “You tellin’ me you don’t care at all?”

You bite your lip as your watch him take your hand and start wrapping the white bandage around your bleeding hand. Of course you cared about him. You cared about him more than just a roommate, more than just a friend but if you admitted that, that would make you vulnerable. Tom has given you every reason to believe he’s safe but it’s scary territory.

“Maybe.” You mumble.

“Yeah?” Tom’s voice falls quiet as the energy shifts in the room. His eyes lock with yours and your breath hitches in your throat. You’d never been this close before, nearly chest to chest. You hated to admit it, but it was nice.

“I-I, uh, we live together, it’s hard not to, I guess.” Tom’s face falls with your words, your heart falling to the pit of your stomach with it.

“That all?” Tom asks, him finishing wrapping your hand.

“Should there be more?” Your ask, your voice wavering with the question.

“You tell me.” Tom looks back to you, your hand fully wrapped but he doesn’t let go.

Tom takes his other hand and lightly places it on your hip, pulling you into him. Your heart skips a single beat with the movement. His head dips down, his lips level with yours and you can feel his breath on your skin. Your breath is in your throat and you can’t remember how to breathe. Tom doesn’t move, instead it’s like he’s waiting, savoring the moment and waiting for you to pull away or close the distance. His nose brushes yours and you lean into him, your lips brushing his before Tom finally presses his lip to yours. He tastes of peppermint, not alcohol. His lips are soft and sweet while the kiss is delicate and hesitant, only lasting a few seconds before he pulls away.

“Yeah, I care about you.” You say in a single breath, your heart beating a thousand miles a second. “A lot.” You take a jump and admit to him and yourself you do actually care about him.

“Awww, look who actually has a heart under all that blackness.” Tom teases.

“Fuck off.” You mumble before pulling him back, not wanting to end the moment just yet and have an actual discussion on what the kiss means. That’s for another day and another time.


	17. Bottle Of Red, Case Of Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Afraid to call and see what’s good or is it simply understood there’s a reason you don’t want me around.” - Want Me Around

The bottom of Tom’s black socks and his blue pajama pants kept him seated on the shingles of his roof. His knees are bent and his arms are rested on top of them, a bottle of Jack held in his hand as he overlooked the backyard. Crickets could be heard when cars weren’t passing by the and the moon illuminated the landscape. It smells just like summer, a happy-go-lucky season and yet he’s alone on his roof, drinking past midnight.

Tom was crazy about you. Goosebumps and butterflies were permanent feelings and features when you were around. He swore you’d be the death of him if not from your laugh and horrible jokes, then the way you made his heart feel like it was going to combust with a single touch. You just made him so happy and he smiled like an idiot when you texted him. His friends and brothers teased him but he brushed them off because he had you so nothing else mattered.

He remembered the first time he took you on a date. It was mid-June and it happened to be on the chilly side despite the summer season. Tom had the idea to go out for dinner and then take you to one of the parks with a lake where you could see the stars. It’s cliche but you didn’t mind. Tom’s a walking hopeless romantic and it was cute.

* * *

 

_“This has to be the most cliche thing I’ve ever done.” You state, your arm locked with Tom’s as he lead you closer to the lake._

_“You don’t mind, do you?” He asks, his brows raised._

_“No,” You chuckle. “Of course not.”_

_“Good.” He takes a sigh of relief._

_Normally, Tom isn’t nervous but he really wanted to impress you. He wanted the night to go perfectly and even though the waiter had mixed up your orders and he nearly spilled wine on your clothes, it’s gone smoothly._

_He lead you to a bench and offered you his jacket while he wrapped his arm around you. You sat on that bench with your head leaning on him and soft music playing from his phone as you looked at the stars by the lake that glimmered against the moonlight. It really was the perfect date and that’s the night Tom decided he’d be careful with you, make sure nothing happens and you go on your pace. Not his._

* * *

 

Tom’s hand gripped the bottle tighter as he brought it to his lips. The alcohol burned his throat but he didn’t so much as wince with the sensation. He’s used to it by now and part of him even enjoys it. It’s momentary relief from the pain he has no control over. At least when he drinks, it’s something he can control. It might help memories fade but it also helps ground him. It’s an odd combination but it works.

Tom unlocks your phone, your messages on display, and he catches the time, just after two in the morning. He shakes his head and closes his eyes, his grip tightening around the device. Flashes of you cross his mind as if you were right in front of him. 2AM. It’s a special time and now the only thing he can think about is the first time he kissed you and he has to chuckle because the only reason he remembers the time is because you’d missed the train back to London so you and Tom had to catch a later one.

* * *

 

_“Hey, at least we got be together longer.” Tom smiles, sitting beside you._

_“Yeah, but we both have work in the morning. We’re gonna be dead.” You roll your eyes but a smile is softly tugging at your lips._

_Tom looks at his watch and back to you. “Yeah, but,” He shrugs one shoulder. “It’s an adventure.”_

_“Yeah?” You laugh, eyes widening as you turn to face him._

_“What do’ya call a train ride at two in the mornin’, darling?”_

_“An accident.” You quip, but the smile stays._

_“An awfully great accidental adventure.”_

_“That’s a mouthful.” You toss your head back, laughing._

_Tom watches you laugh, himself softly chuckling with you and you’re so special. It’s only your second date and he’s head over heels. It was supposed to just be a fun day in a town away from London, just because. Neither of you had set plans, you just wanted to go and it turned out to be one of the best days Tom’s ever had and it’s because he was able to spend it with you. His fingers were intertwined with yours nearly the whole time, if not, his arm was around your shoulder or your waist. He couldn’t keep his hands off of you but it was always innocent and unexpecting. Gentle._

_As your laughing subsided, Tom gathered up his courage. “Would it be alright if I kissed you?” He grins and all you do is nod._

_Tom cupped your face and pulled you into him, his lips against yours. The kiss is soft at first but quickly becomes eager and needy. Butterflies exploded through Tom’s body, his bones aching, wishing he’d asked hours ago. His heart picks up in his ears and he swears this is the best kiss he’s ever had._

_“This is the moment. **”**  You giggle, just barely pulling away from his mouth._

_“What?” Tom raises a brow before pressing another kiss to your lips._

_“I’ve been waiting all day for you do that.” You pull away just enough to whisper the words, Tom chuckling in response._

_“Guess I’ve to make up for it then, ya?” Tom wiggles his brows, bringing your mouth back to his_

A car door slammed form the neighboring driveway, pulling Tom back to reality. He sighed and took another drink, his hand lightly shaking. He curses himself for the light tremor while he watches his neighbor slam the back door of the car. His neighbor seemed angry about something or another and for the life of Tom, he can’t quite bring himself to care. He doesn’t care because the only thing running back through his head is you. It’s always you running through his head in a hard hit of memories. So, he locked his phone, knowing there’s no point and allowed memories to cloud him again. He remembered your first fight which happened to be the day he decided he really loved you.

_“I can’t do this!” You screamed, a storm rumbling above you._

_“Get in the fucking car! You’re gonna get sick!” Tom moved towards you after slamming his door shut._

_“No! Leave me alone!” You yelled, turning on your heels and crossing your arms over your chest as you continued to walk down the street._

_You and Tom had gotten into a fight. It started over something small but then it just escalated to everything neither of you wanted to say. You went in on him over a girl he had been hanging out with. He went in on you on never giving him space. The fight turned into a shitstorm. The next thing either of you knew, you were screaming that you were leaving and slamming his door behind you. It only took Tom a few minutes to swallow his pride and go after you._

_“No, I’m not leaving your ass in the rain!” Tom jogs up to you, making you pick up your pace._

_“Tom, go the fuck away.” You demand over the pouring rain._

_“No!” Tom yells._

_“God, get out of my fucking face, Thomas!” The use of his full name nearly makes him start screaming all over again._

_“This is stupid!” Tom yells over the thunder echoing in the streets._

_“Is it?” You challenge, stopping dead in your tracks to face him._

_“Yes! It is! Now get in the bloody car!”_

_“This isn’t stupid! You just want me to go with you so you won’t feel guilty if something happens!”_

_Tom looks up for a split second, the veins in his neck popping out with his anger. “Of course I’ll feel guilty! Because I never should have let you leave in the first place! I’m sorry, alright?” Tom rests his hands on your shoulders. “I am sorry! For everything I said. I don’t mean any of it.”_

_“You’re just saying that.” Your voice cracks with the lightning above you._

_“No,” Tom shakes his head. “I mean it, I do.” You watch him, wanting to challenge him but before you can, he says the unexpected. “I love you.” Tom says and it’s the first time he’s said it._

_“You love me?” You ask and part of you thinks he’s lying but his eyes are telling you a different story._

_“I love you and I’ve loved you since that day on the train! I should have told you-”_

_You stop his words, colliding your lips into his. Tom relaxes into you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you flush against him. Your hands comb through his wet hair and the only thing that breaks your kiss is more thunder. You pull away and every ounce of annoyance and anger you felt towards him, evaporated. You smiled and shook your head._

_“I love you, too!”_

* * *

 

Tom shakes his head and finishes off what’s left in the bottle. He wishes that was the last of the fighting. He should have learned from that one, not to let you walk away. He should have learned to make you talk it out. But, he didn’t. He let his anger get the best of him and he’d pick fights and then you’d pick fights and it was a never-ending cycle. Slamming doors and raw throats. The last fight was the usual, jealousy. The fight went on and on until you swore you’d never come back if you left and Tom didn’t stop you.

“Tom?” A voice pulls his attention back. “You okay?”

“Fine.” He says, clearing his throat.

“Well, I’m awake, care for another round.” He can almost hear the devilish smirk dancing with the words.

Tom sighs, shaking the memories of you. “Yeah, coming.”

Tom gets up and is met by a girl leaning on his windowsill, the complete opposite you. Just another one night stand to try and help him get through the night. Another night without you.


	18. Anything For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom’s always there for you when you need him

There’s burning behind your eyes and your nose is warm and running. Your cheeks are tear-stained and your hands are shakey. Your muscles are weak and the lump in your throat can’t seem to go away. It’s been hours and your knees are shaking, just wanting to give out and collapse. You swear if you even tried to talk, nothing would come out, not even a sob. Everything just aches, even lifting your arm to knock on the white door of the boy you’ve known forever.

Tom opens the door and the second his eyes fall on you, his entire face softens with sadness. “Come on.” He jerks his head and allows you inside.

You sniffle and walk inside, your hands in your hoodie pockets as you walk into the kitchen. Tom follows behind you, remaining silent. He goes to the fridge and grabs you a bottle of water and himself a beer while you take a seat on a barstool chair. You fiddle with the label of the water bottle as Tom opens the beer, watching you and waiting for you to say something as he stands in front of the counter separating the two of you.

“You alright?” He asks, his voice is soft but rough around the edges like he’s ready to blow if you give him the smallest reason.

“I don’t know.” You whisper, another sniffle as you feel tears build up again.

“What happened?” He asks, resting his hands on the counter.

You shrug your shoulders and avoid his eyes. “He’s really not a bad guy.” You start and Tom’s jaw immediately clenches.

“Did he hurt you?” His words are fast and full of venom.

“No, no, no.” You say quickly. “He…I came home early from work, ya know?”  You wipe a stray tear away and Tom just shakes his head, letting out a breath.

“He didn’t.” Tom says, taking a sip from his beer.

“Yeah, someone he works with. I kind of just stood there, ya know? Because what do you do when you catch your boyfriend in bed with his co-worker?” You laugh, unsure what else to do. It’s too unbelievable to for you to completely comprehend saying it out loud. “Because ya know, hindsight. Everything was all right there in front of my face but I just let it go and then I come home and I don’t even know how long it’s been going on because we just started screaming after I kicked her out.”

Tom watches you ramble with sad eyes. He told you many, many times that this guy wasn’t good for you. He’s your best friend, he would know who’s good for you and who’s not but you brushed him off. You swore this guy wasn’t that bad and he would grow on Tom. And Tom tried, he did. He could have made a better effort to get to know him, but he did try and see what you saw in him but he just couldn’t. There was a vibe that rubbed Tom the wrong way and he secretly hoped you would realize it. Something would happen and you’d come to your senses but with you crying in front of him, he regrets ever wishing it. It was selfish and you don’t deserve this.

“And I just,” Your face falls as your brows furrow and your voice falters. “I just don’t know what I did wrong. I -I -I was so, I wasn’t…” Your mouth waters and tears stream down your face as you try to form words. “I wasn’t good enough I guess I don’t know because I just tried so hard to make it work and he still did this so there has to be something wrong with me. Because I, I..”

Tom walks over to you and his arms immediately pull you into a hug, cutting off your rambling. Your hands grip his shirt pulling him closer as a sob escapes your mouth, muffled by the fabric of Tom’s shirt. His hands rub softly up and down your back, just letting you cry for as long as you need to.

“He’s a prick, love.” Tom whispers as you pull away just enough to look up at him. “He is. I know I’ve told you and this isn’t an I told you so speech. I’m just tellin’ ya, he’s a bloody prick who can rot in hell.”

You sniffle and shake your head. “I should have listened to you though. You’re always right.”

A soft chuckle escapes Tom’s lips as he shakes his head and moves his hands to cup your face, wiping your tears from your cheeks. “I wish I was wrong this time.”

“Why can’t guys be like you?” Your words sputter as your eyes lock with Tom’s, his drenched in confusion with a quirked brow. “You’re always nice and you deal with me coming to cry whenever something happens. You’re really great and I don’t get why people aren’t more like you. I…I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

“For starters, I’m your best friend, it’s what I do.” He shrugs softly and flashes you a cheesy grin, the one that can get you to smile no matter what. “But,” The smile falls as his mouth presses into a hard line. “You deserve better. It doesn’t have to be me, but you deserve better.” Tom takes in a breath and brushes a few loose strands of hair away from your face. “Not on you, you’re perfect even when you’re not. You deserve the world.” The corner of his mouth is now in a smile, but just barely.

“Yeah?” You ask and your voice wavers as if you were gonna cry again.

“Yeah! This dude is fuckin’ nuts. Any guy to be lucky enough to date you, should be grateful. You’re kind, and if you can deal with my shit, Lord knows you can deal with anyone’s,” Tom chuckles softly. “Your patient and you’d do anything for the people you care about, and…you’re really beautiful so you’re…you’re more than a triple threat.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me that stuff?” Your eyes watch Tom, looking for an answer. Tom’s always been honest with you but he’s never actually told anything like this before, anything that might suggest his feelings were more than platonic.

Tom pulls away and scratches the back of his neck. “You’re my best friend, didn’t wanna fuck it up.”

Your eyes widen as Tom gives you a sheepish smile. “Wait. So, you…you like me?” You point to yourself and Tom nods softly. “You should have told me.”

“Why?” Tom reaches over for his beer, anything to keep his nerves down and his hands still.

“I wouldn’t have dated this asshole.” You shrug and go for your water, taking up Tom’s nervous habit.

“Really?” Tom holds the bottle to his mouth, eyes wide and watching you.

“Yeah, I’ve liked you since we were like twelve. I thought I made it obvious but you never did anything so I just kind of…ignored it.” You shrug and cap your water.

“No! I’ve liked you forever.” Tom laughs, resting his beer down before his laugh quickly subsides. “No, stop, I’m sorry. This isn’t the right time for this conversation.” Your heart sinks with Tom’s words. “You just got cheated on, think it’d be better tomorrow, after you sleep.” Tom bites his lip before a soft smile graces his face. “And if you still want to have this conversation…we can.” There’s a softness in his eyes, drenched in hope that it’s not just emotions and you really do want to continue this conversation.

“Okay, yeah, I’d like that.” You nod and rub your eyes. “Sleep sounds good anyway, but, Tom?” His brows raise, signaling for you to continue. “Pillow fort like old times?”

Tom burst into laughter. “Anything for you.”


	19. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can’t help but miss Tom while he’s away

Your house is quiet besides your TV as you’re sat scrolling through pictures on your phone. Your heart aches as you scroll through the images of bright smiles and love and happiness, captured perfectly in the moment. Tessa is curled up against your leg sleeping and you lightly pet her as you get to an image of Tom you’d taken.

You were out one day with Tom, Harrison, and the twins. Harrison had said something you didn’t quite remember and Tom just completely lost it, double over laughing and you took a picture. His hair is in disarray and a little damp from the rain you all got caught in. His hoodie is loose around him but he’s happy. He’s so happy and you miss him. 

You let out a sigh and locked your phone. “C’mon, Tessa. We gotta get Tom’s mail.”

Tessa’s ears perked up as she looked at you. You nudged her with your leg just barely and she got the hint to get up. She jumped to the floor while you stood up and grabbed your essentials and her leash before heading to Tom’s.

Tom was out filming a new movie and he’d already been away for two months. You were happy to watch Tessa while he was away thanks to you having the space.

While Tom is away, you always felt extra lonely. You’d been dating nearly two years but him being away so much never got easier. You thought it would but it hasn’t. Dog sitting Tessa just barely eased some of the loneliness and Tom knew that which is part of why he asked you to watch her. The other part being that Tessa just really liked you and he trusted you with her.

You reached Tom’s home and unlocked the door, allowing Tessa inside and unhooking her from her leash. She sniffed around while you went to the kitchen island organizing Tom’s mail you promised to keep up for him. Your eyes scanned around the clean home, the feeling of loneliness and cold overcoming you. You reached in your pocket and scanned through your contacts and hit Tom’s name, knowing he’d not be at work yet and probably awake.

“Hey.” Tom chimes, answering on only the second ring. “Was just ‘bout to call you.”

“Yeah?” You ask, an uncontrollable smile finding itself onto your lips.

“Yeah,” Tom chuckles. “What’re you up to, darlin’?”

“Just dropping off your mail and letting Tessa wander around your house. Did you just wake up?” You ask, watching Tessa head for the hallway to Tom’s room.

“Yeah, yeah.” Tom says quickly. “We wrapped early last night and I was able to kind of sleep in.” There’s another chuckle falling from Tom’s lips with his words.

“That’s good.” You say, your voice trying to sound happy he was able to get some sleep. You were happy he got to sleep in a little more with an early work day the day before, but you missed him.

“Hey,” Tom says, his voice losing the chipper tone. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m great.” You say, moving to Tom’s room to find Tessa.

“Nah, you’re not. What’s wrong?” Tom’s voice is laced in concern.

“It’s nothing.” You say, trying to make yourself sound normal, trying to hide how much you miss him.

Facetime is great, phone calls are lovely but there’s nothing quite like having him in person. You love him more than anything and you’d never ask him to give this up, you just wish having him didn’t come with you being alone without him so much. You’d kill for just a quick hug from him at this point.

“Think Tessa misses you.” You giggle, finding Tessa curled up on Tom’s bed.

“I’m sure.” Tom snickers. “How ‘bout you? You missin’ me, yet?”

You scoff. “Nah, not even a little bit.” You bite your lip with your sarcastic lie.

“ _I_ miss you.” Tom states, almost mocking you but it holds truth. He misses you just as much as you miss him.

“I miss you, too.” Your voice is delicate and quiet as the words fall from your lips. Your eyes scan over the vacant room. Tom’s cologne lingers in the air and it just makes you miss him more but it also feels a little bit like home, filling the tiniest void in your heart. “Hey, Tom?”

“Hmm?” He hums.

“Would it be alright if I borrowed your sweater?”  You ask hesitantly knowing you already have one of his at your apartment. “It smells like you…” Your voice is just above a whisper and Tom remains silent on the other end. “It’s the white one…if you were wondering. You left it laying out.”

“Yeah, of course, love.” Tom finally says. Now it’s his turn for his voice to sound delicate and sad. “Really, are you okay?”

“I just, I just really miss you.” Your voice is so fragile even a noise at normal volume could completely shatter it.

Tom closes his eyes, pushing a lump down and swallowing hard to make sure his voice remains steady. “I’ll be home before you know it. I promise.”

“I know.” You whisper, trying to not to cry.

“Promise, when I get back, for the first week, it can be just us, yeah?”

“No,” You manage a soft laugh. “That’s not very fair to everyone else. But I’ll take three of the four days during the first week.” Your voice picks up with the suggestion, not wanting to steal him from his family or friends.

“You got it.” Tom laughs as you put him on speaker to quickly tug his hoodie over your head. “Hey, I’m so sorry to cut this short, love but I’ve gotta get up and ready for work.” Tom says softly.

“Okay.” You say quietly, picking the phone up from his bed and taking him off speaker.

“I’ll call later and text you when I can, yeah?”

“Sounds good.” You agree.

“I love you.” You can almost hear the fake pout on the other end of the line.

“I love you, too.” A smile comes to your face with words before you and Tom hang up.

You sigh but hug your arms around yourself, the scent of Tom consuming your senses. His hoodies always seem to be the most comfortable and they always smell the best. You could have one of his hoodies for a month and still swear it smells better just because it belongs to him. It’s not him, but it’s his and it’s a little bit like home.

You go home with Tessa and spend the rest of your day and night getting housework done and texting Tom when he’s available. He called later that night, just before you were going to bed but you ended up falling asleep on him thanks to the timezone differences. So, you still felt a void in your chest when you woke up the next morning realizing you’d fallen asleep. You wouldn’t be able to call Tom for a few hours, wanting to make sure you didn’t wake him up.

You went through the actions of your morning, taking Tessa out and getting yourself breakfast. The morning turned to the afternoon and you were getting restless waiting for time to tick by so you could call Tom. You were holding off right until a knock sounded on your door.

You got up and Tessa was right at your feet, checking the door with you. You unlock your door but keep the chain latched. Your leg brushes Tessa aside so she can’t get out as you open the door. You’re met with the sight of  _home_. You slam the door, unlatching the chain and swinging the door back open.

“Tom!” You yell, throwing your arms around his neck as his arms wrap around you.

“Hey.” Tom laughs, bowing his head into the crook of your neck for a second. “Surprise.” He looks at you with a cheeky grin.

“You’re not supposed to be home for another month.” You state, not daring to release him from your grip.

He shrugs. “I’ve two days off so I took the first flight I could. So, I won’t be here long, but I had to come see ya.” Tom’s words grow to a whisper as he starts to lean in.

“You’re the best, you know?” Your smile splits your face as you card your fingers through Tom’s hair, starting to lean in until your lips brush against his.

“Mmm, think that’s you, love.” Tom’s voice is hushed before he kisses your lips, gentle and sweet, tasting of cherry chapstick. The kiss quickly deepens as he tugs you closer to him and you pull him inside. Tom kicks the door shut, hands moving to your hips but the dancing of your tongues comes to a stop when Tessa nudges against Tom’s legs, whining for his attention.

“Tess.” Tom laughs, pulling away from you but keeping his hands on you tightly.

“She missed you, too.” You laugh, resting your forehead against Tom’s shoulder.

“I can tell.” Tom kisses your temple. “I missed you both, though.”

“I’m glad you’re here even if just for a night.” You pick your head up and kiss his cheek.

“Me, too.” Tom kisses your forehead, your cheek, and then yours lips before Tessa whines more, tail wagging as she tries to nudge between the two of you. “Alright, Tessa, I missed you.” Tom chuckles, removing his hands from your hips and squatting to pay attention to the staffie.


	20. In Front Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom's been in front of you the whole time

The inside of your car is a faded shade of yellow as the overhead light was dimmed above you and the light on your visor shined on your face. You touched up your makeup as best as you could, but not too much. It had to look nice, elegant but like it’d be worn through the hours you were gone not like you’d just applied it. The swelling of your eyes had gone down and your eyes were back to the light shade of white, no trace of the tears you’d shed an hour prior.

You let out a deep sigh, nodding your head as if to give you more confidence and exit your car. Your heels clicked along the black pavement that was slick from the rain that had finally stopped a few minutes earlier. Words ran through your head as to what you were going to say. The corners of your lips tugging into a curt smile, already trying to fake it. If you looked like you had a bad night, you’d get a look of pity and that’s the last thing you want. You don’t want to give your roommate the satisfaction of another date gone wrong.

It was like clockwork really. You’d end up with a date and Tom would tell you the guy was no good for you. He had his reasons, all of them bullshit but they were reasons and he was usually right. You’d show Tom the guys’ social media and he’d say he was just in it for sex, the guy “just has a bad vibe”, you can do better, the list goes on and on. He was usually right, which you couldn’t stand but there were times he was wrong. However, even those times didn’t really last long.

The longest you’d actually dated someone since moving in with Tom was about two months. The guy broke it off and while Tom knew it wouldn’t last and he warned you, he was there when you were upset. Tom’s great, he is, but you’d just like him to be wrong more and you just want something to stick. Something to make it easier.

You stood outside of your door, keys in hand, giving yourself one last mental pep talk before you started unlocking the door. The sound of the TV fell onto your ears as you opened the door. You looked over to the living room where you could see the brown tousled curls of Tom watching the TV, some show he’s been watching and you’ve not been paying any attention to. You shut the door quietly, locking it behind you.

“Hey.” He greets, just tilting his head towards you but not actually looking to you. The sound of the door caught his attention.

“Hey.” You greet back and you nearly curse yourself as your voice falls weaker than you expected it to you.

“How’d it go?” Tom asks, still not looking to you and he seems to not have picked up on your weakened voice. Relief floods over you. If he doesn’t pick that up, something he always does, he won’t even question anything else.

“Good, he was nice.” You state clearly, removing your heels as you clean against the door.

“Why’ve been sitting your car the past hour then?” Tom pauses his show and turns to look at you, raises brows and lips in a solid line.

You run a hand through your hair, eyes moving to the floor. You really didn’t think he’d have noticed you. Which does beg the question, how the hell did he know you were out there? And if he knew you were out there that long, why not come and make sure you’re alright? Send you a text maybe? But, regardless of your whereabouts, it’s none of his damn business.

Your shrug your shoulder and clench your jaw. “What’s it matter?”

Tom eyes you carefully before standing up. “Because I was right, yeah? Total prick, wasn’t he?”

You watch him move to the kitchen, closer to you and there’s a trickle of sadness coming through your blood but it’s quickly becoming overcome with fury for the pretty boy opening the fridge.

“Why do you have this ungodly need to be right all the damn time? For once, in your life, can you just be happy for me?” You question, moving away from the door.

Tom scoffs, grabbing a bottle of water and rolling his eyes. He rests the bottle on the table for you before crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the counter behind him. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Friends support friends.” You counter, mimicking his gestures.

“Sorry,” Tom’s voice grows sarcastic with the fake apology. “Who’s been here every time a date goes south? Every time you need to be bailed out of a date? How about when you dated whatever the fuck his name was and he broke up with you? Call that support, wouldn’t you?”

“Support isn’t just being there when I’m sad, Tom!” You raise your voice. “Supportive is…” You pause, trying to find the right way to phrase your sentence. “Not rubbing it in my face. It’s allowing me to just…like someone and want to feel them out for myself.”

Tom’s eyes move from yours. He uncrosses his arms and his hands grip the edge of the counter, knuckles turning white from gripping so hard. His blood is boiling and it has been. He tried convincing you not to go tonight but you’re hard headed. You weren’t going to cancel just because your roommate wanted you to stay home. It wasn’t the first time Tom had tried to get you to ditch a date. Tonight, tonight he was just a little more persistent but you stuck your ground and he’s livid. But, not because you wouldn’t stay with him.

Truthfully, while he makes sure to always tell you that he told you so, he hates seeing you hurt. He hates seeing that dates don’t go well and he hated when you were sad over a breakup. It fires him up when guys ghost you. He hates seeing you upset with other people, other people hurting you. Tom likes being right when it comes to most things but he wishes to everything that he’d be wrong, even if it meant he’d never have a chance with you.

“How did you know I was out there anyway?” You break the silence.

“Heard your car.” Tom admits, looking back to you.

“So, you heard my car, knew I was out there for an hour and then decide to pick a fight because I was outside for an hour?”

Tom shakes his head. “Thought your date might’ve been with you.” He remarks, voice back to holding snark. But, his face contorts in touches of confusion and pity. “What were you doing out there for an hour if he  _wasn’t_  with you?”

“I didn’t want to hear the same old lecture of you being right.” Your voice goes quiet as you push a strand of hair behind your ear. “He stood me up.” You admit, looking away from Tom.

He sighs softly and his brows knit together, face softening. “I’m sorry.” He says and there’s honesty in his voice.

“Why do you have to be right? All the time?”

“I don’t wanna be.” Tom admits. “Want you to be happy.” He states but the statements hangs in the air as if he wasn’t finished.

“But?”

“No but.” Tom says quickly, his grip on the counter loosening.

“There’s a but, there’s always a but.” You question, your heart starting increase speed as you wait for him to answer.

“But,” He runs a hand through his hair. “I’ve been right in front of you the entire time.” His voice is exasperated. “I-I flirt with you. I help you with everything. We fall asleep during movie nights all the time and I make sure to check on you. I don’t expect anything in return, honest.” Tom rushes his sentence. “And yeah, friends…do that but…I just,” Tom shakes his head, sucking on his teeth. “I want you happy with me. I thought I made it obvious.”

Tom’s words drift in the air as he moves towards you. The few feet of distance shortens to only itches as his hand falls onto your hip. He doesn’t pull you closer to him, just rests his hand on your as if seeing how you’d react and your fabric covered skin feels like it’s on fire with his touch.

You’ve liked Tom for months now but you never thought much of it. You’re roommates and friends, that’s it. You were well aware of your feelings but you never approached them, never tried anything. The two of you always had the flirtatious banter but you didn’t kick it up a notch when you started to like him. Everything stayed the same besides the butterfly feeling in your stomach when he’d smile at you or the heat you’d feel rising in your cheeks when he’d walk out of the bathroom after a shower wearing nothing but a pair of joggers. Those small things, he couldn’t see them so they never mattered. But, now you’re thinking maybe you should have something before.

“What are you saying?” You question, holding your voice just above a whisper as you look up to him.

“I’m saying, what if I kissed you right now?” Tom asks bluntly.

Your eyes widen as your mouth goes dry. “Uh…” You stutter and you can see the flicker of uneasiness in Tom’s eyes. “I think I might kiss you back.”

You move your hands to Tom’s neck and pull him into you. His lips crash into yours, hands gripping your waists harder and pulling you flush against him. His tongue swipes across your bottom asking permission. Your tongues dance together in sync while the butterflies explode through your stomach and into your chest. Tom’s head spins and he feels like he’s the happiest he’s been in ages. Tom bites your bottom lip, pulling away and resting his forehead against yours as you whimper.

“You should have just done that before I left.” You quip, a smirk coming to your face as your eyes meet his.

“Shut up.” Tom’s groans huskily before colliding his lips with yours once more.


	21. Ghost Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We're too young, too dumb to know things like love."

**ᴴᵉʳᵉ ᴵ ᵃᵐ ʷᵃᵏᶤᶰᵍ ᵘᵖ˒ ˢᵗᶤˡˡ ᶜᵃᶰ'ᵗ ˢˡᵉᵉᵖ ᵒᶰ ʸᵒᵘʳ ˢᶤᵈᵉ**

Tom’s hand brushes against the pale blue sheets. They’re cold beneath his hand and it catches him off guard for the first time in a week. He was getting used to your side being cold but every once in a while, he’d still be half asleep and expect you to be sleeping beside him. You’d have moved over, likely because he was a human radiator as you liked to call him but he’d pull you back to his chest and the two of you would stay like that. That’s what always happened. Routine but now that routine has shattered and the sheets are cold on your side. Tom can’t bear to move to your side. It’s weird for you not to be there. It’s always going to be weird sleeping alone now.

He peaks his eyes open, the sheets empty and the sun barely shining through the curtains. A sigh falls from his chapped lips, they’re always chapped now. You always reminded him to put chapstick on. Tom bites the inside of his cheek with the growing lump in his throat and he takes a few shallow breaths, trying not to think about it. Trying not to think about how you’d wake up and turn to face each other. You’d have a gentle, tired smile because even half-asleep you were the happiest person in the world to be waking up to Tom. And Tom always shared the same smile because despite his weird quirks and busy life, you stayed and he didn’t understand how lucky he was to have you.

Those moments were few and far between with his schedule but now he wishes he would have cherished them more. Had he known, he would have. But that’s how it works. Tom didn’t know what your fate would be so he just lived in the moment and assumed there would always be another morning with your bright eyes looking at him like he was your favorite person to ever walk the face of the earth. If he’d known, he would have told you he loved you more.

Maybe one more “I love you” and the sheets wouldn’t be cold or empty everyday.

**ᵀʰᵉʳᵉ'ˢ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᶜᵒᶠᶠᵉᵉ ᶜᵘᵖ ᵗʰᵉ ˡᶤᵖˢᵗᶤᶜᵏ ˢᵗᵃᶤᶰ ᶠᵃᵈᵉˢ ʷᶤᵗʰ ᵗᶤᵐᵉ**

Tom makes his way into the kitchen for a cup of coffee before getting ready for the dreadful day ahead. But, as he opens the cabinets, a few your things still litter the shelves. One is your favorite mug. It’s one you got when the two of you went to Pier 1 Imports for something. Your favorite animal is plastered across it and there’s even a little figurine inside of the mug. Tom thought it was ridiculous when you bought it but that didn’t stop him from using it on days you weren’t home.

He takes the mug and his thumbs rub over the animal and the chip at the top. It’s still chipped from the time you’d accidentally dropped it on the counter. Tom came home early and surprised you. He scared you and the mug fell right through your hands but you didn’t even care the second your eyes fell on Tom’s messy curls. He beamed with joy when you ran into his arms.

Tom sucks on his teeth as he puts the mug back, pushing the memory aside as his skin seems to grow cold. It grows cold knowing you won’t hug him like that again. He’ll never smell the scent of your favorite shampoo and the soft scent of his cologne that always seemed to be on you. Life might go on and coffee mugs might be chipped but that doesn’t warm Tom’s skin like you did. It doesn’t make the pain any less

**ˢᵒ ᴵ ᵈʳᵒʷᶰ ᶤᵗ ᵒᵘᵗ ˡᶤᵏᵉ ᴵ ᵃˡʷᵃʸˢ ᵈᵒ ᴰᵃᶰᶜᶤᶰᵍ ᵗʰʳᵒᵘᵍʰ ᵒᵘʳ ʰᵒᵘˢᵉ ʷᶤᵗʰ ᵗʰᵉ ᵍʰᵒˢᵗ ᵒᶠ ʸᵒᵘ**

Tom gets his coffee and starts playing music, gathering his things for the day. He just clicked a playlist and let it play. Today isn’t going to be easy. It’s going to be literal hell all over again. And he needs to find a way to drown everything out. He needs to get rid of the idea of you ever coming home. The idea of you helping him pick out what to wear and warming up the shower when he’s too tired. The music drowns out the silence of the apartment.

Tom never did quite understand what it meant, silence is deafening. Not until you were gone. Not until his house was just him.

He showers, expression blank and his head is a sort of daze, not quite fixated on what the day would entail. He knew it wasn’t going to be a good one. It was going to be rough, painful. It’s the day Harrison is picking him up to see you and Tom hates it but Harrison’s right, Tom needs to see you. He needs to see you just one last time to maybe get a little bit of closure. But, Tom realizes that maybe seeing you won’t actually bring any closure. It hasn’t brought closure the countless other times he’s seen you but, maybe this time it will.

Maybe after he sees you this one last time, he won’t feel like you should be moving past him in the bathroom. You doing your hair while he’s brushing his teeth and him doing his hair while you do your makeup. The two of you moving in perfect motion, never once knocking into each other. It became so simple, so easy. It’s just another thing Tom wishes he would have cherished while you were here.

He should have cherished the times you paused while the toothbrush was sticking out of your mouth and you’d scrunch your nose at him while he tried to get his hair to lay right. Or the times he’d get really dramatic with whatever song you happened to be playing and you’d laugh. He should have cherished your laugh.

**ᴵ ᶜʰᵃˢᵉ ᶤᵗ ᵈᵒʷᶰ ʷᶤᵗʰ ᵃ ˢʰᵒᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵗʳᵘᵗʰ**

Tom found his way into the bedroom dressed in your favorite pair of his jeans and the shirt you got him last Christmas. He kept his hair a little messy because he knows that’s how you preferred it. It really shouldn’t matter but he couldn’t help it. He just felt he needed to dress for you. It was a day for you anyway, not him.

But, that didn’t stop him from sitting on the floor of his bedroom, phone in hand as he leaned against the dresser. He pressed your contact, the little heart beside your name still there. The phone rang, and rang, and rang until it went to voicemail.

Tom closed his eyes as he heard your voice. You’re happy and he remembers helping you set up your voicemail. You didn’t know what to say or if it even mattered. Tom had made a fun of it originally because you sounded so bored. His solution was to help you rerecord it and get you to laugh.

When you said you’d call whoever back, Tom could hear the smile on your face and he could picture it perfectly in his head. Your smile seemed brighter that day and for no reason. Or maybe Tom thinks it did because he hasn’t seen you smile in a month. It’s just another thing he should have cherished while he could.

He ended the call, not leaving a message, and the phone fell by his feet while he pulled his knees up. His forearms rested on his knees while the back of his head hit the dresser and his heart weighed like a thousand bricks, pulling it into his stomach. Your voicemail might make him feel better for the few seconds he can hear your voice but then it just becomes the depressing reminder that you’re not there anymore. You will not pick up the phone. It’s a cruel game he plays.

**ᶜˡᵉᵃᶰᶤᶰᵍ ᵘᵖ ᵗᵒᵈᵃʸ˒ ᶠᵒᵘᶰᵈ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵒˡᵈ ᶻᵉᵖᵖˡᶤᶰ ˢʰᶤʳᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵒʳᵉ ʷʰᵉᶰ ʸᵒᵘ ʳᵃᶰ ᵃʷᵃʸ ᵃᶰᵈ ᶰᵒ ᵒᶰᵉ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ᶠᵉᵉˡ ʸᵒᵘʳ ʰᵘʳᵗ**

A groan comes from Tom’s lips as he receives a message from Harrison saying he’d be there soon with a few boxes. Harrison might be taking Tom to see you one last time but part of that means it’s time to finish packing up a few of your things. Tom sent a quick reply back saying the door was open before he turned around and opened the bottom drawer.

It was a shared drawer between the two of you. It was your idea actually. Tom thought it was a bit crazy. The apartment was originally just his but he’d cleared out a drawer for you one day and then a few months later, you had boxes of stuff and were living with him. You’d always had a drawer to yourself and Tom liked it. Not because he wanted his own space but because it was yours. It’s your thing inside his home. Your home. But, neither of you owned much pajama clothing and it saved a drawer if you just shared one for your pajamas, especially since you usually wound up wearing something of Tom’s anyway.

Tom starts taking out some of your clothes. They’re all perfectly folded. This was on Tom. He always folded your clothes for you since you did so much for him. It was something he could do and didn’t take a lot of time even if he were busy. It helped you out a bit and he just wanted to help in any way he could. So, he keeps the clothing folded nicely as he stacks your clothes in separate piles. Shorts, pants, and shirts. It’s not until he reaches the bottom of the drawer that he has to pause. It’s your favorite sleeping shirt.

He picks it up and he can feel the tears start to brim. It’s the shirt that started everything between the two of you.

“Hey.” Harrison says as he knocks lightly on the open door to Tom’s room.

“Hey.” Tom says in a monotone, not looking to Harrison.

“Alright, mate?” Harrison asks moving to Tom with a box in hand.

“‘S her favorite.” Tom refolds the shirt and rests it on top of the others. “It’s, uh,” Tom licks his lips, rolling his shoulders before wiping his eyes. “She wore it the day…I told her I loved her…”

“Yeah?” Harrison asks, noticing Tom seemed to have more to say but was unsure if he should.

“Yeah… was when she showed up one night because she just couldn’t do it anymore. I dunno.” Tom explains. “She was crying a lot and was going on about how she didn’t think anyone would love her.”

Harrison nearly scoffs. “Really? Was she blind then?”

Tom gives Harrison the smallest of smiles. “Guess so.” He chuckles softly. “Thought I’d made it obvious then but her dad had gotten into her head…something ‘bout her going to end up alone or something. So, I told her I loved her.”

Tom tells the story and Harrison listens. It’s one Tom didn’t tell him before. Harrison knew how you’d gotten together but he didn’t know the details of the conversation. All Tom and you had ever said was that Tom just told you one day. That’s it. He got up the courage and told you his feelings. But, hearing the real story, what lead Tom to tell you, it makes better sense now. Tom told you because yes, he’d always loved you but he told you because you needed to hear it. The fear of him being rejected didn’t matter because you needed to know that he loved you and if it were up to him, you’d never be alone a day in your life because he’d be by your side every single day. And he was.

Harrison watches, brows knitted together in empathy. “Why don’t you keep that one then?”

Tom is silent for a few seconds, looking at your shirt. “Yeah.” He picks it up and moves it back into the drawer.

Harrison nods and moves to sit next to him. “I’ll help ya pack the rest up later, ya? We…we gotta go, Tom. I’m sorry.”

Tom nods and gets to his feet, eyes starting to water while they make their way out of Tom’s room.

**ᴵ ᶜʰᵃˢᵉ ᶤᵗ ᵈᵒʷᶰ ʷᶤᵗʰ ᵃ ˢʰᵒᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵗʳᵘᵗʰ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵐʸ ᶠᵉᵉᵗ ᵈᵒᶰ'ᵗ ᵈᵃᶰᶜᵉ ˡᶤᵏᵉ ᵗʰᵉʸ ᵈᶤᵈ ʷᶤᵗʰ ʸᵒᵘ**

A steady stream of beeps fills the cool air. The room is just dimmed enough for the lights not to be blinding. Tom stands at the foot of your bed, tears threatening to fall down his cheeks as he looks at you. The wounds on your face from the accident have almost healed completely, a sign that your body was technically working but, the tube coming from your mouth proved otherwise. One of the monitors Tom didn’t completely understand proved that just because the cuts and bruises were healing and healed doesn’t mean that your brain was working. It didn’t mean that your organs were slowly shutting down. It didn’t mean you’d wake up.

He takes a seat beside your bed and grasps your hand in his. It’s then that the realization hits him. This is it. This is the last time he’ll see you alive. The next time will be at your funeral, your parents already having decided there would be an open casket. It’s right here, minutes before they pull life support that Tom knows he’ll never be himself again. Everything, even packing up your things, didn’t feel real. None of it feels real but here he is, saying his final goodbye.

Life is cruel and it is so unfair. It’s cruel to leave Tom without you, to find a way to live every day without you now and it is unfair that he will never be able to get rid of the thought of you. You’re always going to be there. You’ll haunt his dreams and the apartment you shared. Tom knows that he’ll never do anything like he did before.


	22. chasing lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Tom like to be alone but when the loneliness takes over, you always find comfort in each other

Being alone is something you’re good at. In fact, you find being alone comfortable. It’s easier, less effort. The only person you need to care for or even consider is yourself. Sure, it might seem selfish, but it’s not bad. There’s good selfish and bad selfish, this isn’t bad. But, sometimes, being alone wasn’t exactly all it’s cracked up to be. 

The loneliness would creep in at random times. There were times where you’d watch something and see how they interacted with other people and you’d immediately wish you had someone. You wish you just had someone to do things with. An ache always pinged in your chest when you’d think about it. Being alone is great, it’s the loneliness that’s haunting. And that’s what lead you to Tom’s house.

You’re both laying on in his bed thanks to the tv in his living being broken. His arm is around your hip and his hand is holding his head up. His left eyebrow is as wild as usual and there’s a tender smile on his lips, eyes gentle as he looks to you.

“Ya know what I find funny?” Tom asks.

“No, but I’m sure you’ll tell me.” You muse.

Tom rolls his eyes but the smile doesn’t dare to budge. “You like to be alone but always find yourself here.”

You push against his chest as you scowl lightly. “Yeah,” You start in a mock tone but drop it, knowing he’s right. “What’s your point?”

He shrugs one shoulder and there’s a sudden softness that takes of his face. “Just think it’s funny I seem to not be included in that.”

“You’re my friend.”

“You have other friends.” Tom challenges and you can see the smirk wanting to form on his face.

“You’re different.” You admit and your heart starts to speed up.

“How’s that?” Tom licks his lip with the question.

You shake your head and your eyes widen playfully. “Because you’re my friend.”

Tom presses his forehead in the crook of your neck as he laughs. “Fine, fine.”

He picks his head up but he doesn’t back away. Instead, he keeps his face close to yours. He’s lost his laugh and his expression has changed to one of timidness and fear. He licks his chapped lips once more before he moves the hand from your hip to the side of your face.

“You’re different, too.” Tom whispers.

The thing with yours and Tom’s friendship is that whenever either of you ever felt lonely, you’d just go to each other. You’d end up cuddling on the couch with a movie or show playing and eventually falling asleep. You both held the same stance on being alone, easier, albeit, easier for different reasons, but easier nonetheless. This was simple and carefree, comfortable. You two are friends so it was just a way to ease the ache in your chest and in his.

The other thing, you’ve both had this unspoken thing for each other and maybe that’s part of why the two of you prefer to be alone. Being alone is better than being with someone that isn’t the other. It’s your own faults, too which doesn’t make it better.

You know he likes you. It’s in his lingering touches and the way his eyes follow you when you move across a room. And he knows you like him. It’s in the way you look at him and the way you laugh at every single one of his jokes, even the ones that are just  _ awful _ . You both don’t hide it, not even a little bit and everyone around you knows but it’s like if you don’t actually say you like each other, no lines are crossed. You both fear losing the friendship even though the two of you are thick as thieves.

“How’s that?” You whisper in response.

The corner of Tom’s mouth twitches into a smile. “You’re you.” His thumb brushes over your cheek and you almost instinctively move towards him, your lips just brushing against his.

“And you’re you.” You keep your voice just loud enough for him to hear.

Tom’s lips came crashing into yours, not bothering to reply. Your hand comes up and your fingers thread through his hair. You can feel him smile into the kiss before he deeps it. His tongue goes into your mouth and you almost whimper against him. You tug at the roots of his hair, granting you a beautiful groan from him. Tom’s hands travels from your cheek down to the back of your thigh, pulling it over his hip. His knee slides between your legs and the softest moan come from your lips and into his mouth.

It seems so sudden but you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about kissing him on countless occasions. Or even what it’d be like to be the person waking up to him, the person making him  _ feel good _ . You’re friends but right now, your heart is pounding and there’s a coil building in your stomach and all you want is him. You don’t care about your friendship anymore as long as you can have  _ him _ now.

Tom’s lips move from yours and to your neck, lightly nipping at the skin. A few whimpers leave your lips as you pull at his hair and you grind down on his thigh, heat building in your core with every passing second. His mouth is warm against your neck and he’s sucking right on your sweet spot.

“T-Tom.” You stutter breathlessly.

Tom’s head comes up, his eyes dark with lust. “Too much?”

You shake your head and feel a rush of heat come to your cheeks. “No, you’re kind of turning me on **.** ”

Tom’s heart jumps to his throat and he’s ready to just rip your clothes right then and there, but he wants to play it longer. He’s wanted to kiss you and so much more for years and he’s finally gotten the courage to try. He doesn’t want it to be quick, not after all this time.

“Hm,” Tom hums as his lips meet yours in a chaste kiss. “And what if I do this?”

Tom’s hand goes to the hem on your shirt, his fingers gingerly move underneath the fabric and trace up to the wire of your bra. You move your arm to his side to give him more access and his fingers slide under the wire, cupping one of your breasts. A soft gasp escapes your lips and Tom smirks proudly.

“Yeah.” You respond, unable to form another word.

“This?” Tom teases as he pinches your nipple, rolling it between his fingers. You bite your lip and grind your core against his thigh, pulling at his waist to bring him closer to you. “Take that as a yes.” Tom chuckles.

“Don’t be such a tease.” You whine.

“It’s so much fun, though.” Tom chortles, sliding his hand away from your breast and to your waist.

In a swift movement, you’re flat on your back and Tom is hovering over you. Adrenaline and lust mix in your veins as your chest heaves below him. Tom’s hand moves down your side and to the waistband of your pants, just barely touching the skin. You squirm under him, thighs rubbing together to try and relieve at least some of the tension that’s built up at your core. Your hands come to his face and bring his mouth to yours. A growl comes from his throat as you tug at his bottom lip.

Tom dips his hand under the hem of your pants and under the hem of your underwear. He pushes your thighs apart, hand sliding slowly over you and his palm covers your heat. You release a deep breath you didn’t realize you were holding as his fingers glide across your folds, gathering your wetness.

“Wet already, love?”

Tom’s got a devilish smirk and you can’t help but play into it. “Yeah, so do something about it, Holland.”

Tom bites his lip as he pulls his hand away from your core. “You’re impatient.” Tom tsks but he’s pulling at the band of your pants, signaling you to lift your butt so he can take them off.

“Who’s fault is that?” You wiggle your brows, lifting your butt up as he slides the fabric of not only your pants, but your underwear as well off your legs and to the floor. A rush of cold hits you and you can’t help but squirm.

Tom bends down, capturing your lips with his. He bites at your bottom lip and your thighs squeeze together once more, everything he does builds up the tension and you’re dying for more contact.

“Mine.” Tom snickers against your mouth.

Tom maneuvers himself between your legs, spreading your thighs while his hand comes down to your core. His fingers tease your folds, spreading your wetness around and you ache for him. Soft whimpers leave your lips until he finally inserts a finger. He pumps slowly while he kisses you sweetly before adding in another finger. Tom’s thumb comes to your clit and you let out a moan that Tom has only dreamed about.

“Feel good, ya?” Tom asks into your mouth, his words slow and seductive.

“So good,  _ Tom _ .” You mutter, kissing him again.

Your hips start to meet his and the tension in your stomach builds faster and faster with every circle his thumb makes and every pump of his hand. Tom kisses away from your mouth and to your neck once more and you move your head to give him plenty of access. Your eyes close as you start to see ecstasy induced stars.

“T-tom.” You mumble out a moan as you feel yourself getting closer.

“Hmm,” Tom hums against your neck before pulling his hand away. “Not yet.” He whispers, coming back to your lips.

You try to close your thighs but with Tom between them, you’re getting nowhere and the tension is begging to be snapped. So, you reach forward, unbuttoning Tom’s jeans and wasting no more time.

“Why’re you so impatient, darling?” Tom asks, acting innocent as you undo his pants completely and start pulling them down along with his boxer briefs.

“Shut up and fuck me, Tom or so help me.” You groan and Tom is done teasing.

He finishes kicking off his bottoms before having you sit up and stripping you of the rest of your clothes. You strip his shirt off and he goes to the nightstand for a condom. He rolls it on in seconds before he’s back to hovering over you. He grips his hardened length and guides it to trace up your folds a few times before finally starting to push in.

Tom rests his forearms on either side of your head while you let him fill you up. Tom’s forehead rests against yours as your mouth hangs open, your core taking him inch by inch until he’s bottomed out. A delicious moan comes from Tom’s mouth and you clench around his length,

“ _ Fuck _ .” Tom growls, kissing you messily.

“Please,” You mumble against his lips and you don’t have to ask twice.

Tom starts thrusting his hips in a steady motion. Your nails dig into his back while his hand starts kneading your breast, thin fingers coming up to roll your hardened nipple. Moans consume the room and your hips start thrusting up to meet his. You become lost in the ecstasy as the tension in your stomach is almost ready to snap. Your hand slides between you and Tom, fingers working on your clit. Tom looks down and the sight is almost enough to push him over the edge.

“Fuck, you’re amazing.” Tom mutters, kissing your collarbones.

“God,” You moan as you feel your legs start to shake. “I’m-I’m close.”

Tom looks up to you before kissing his way to your other breast. “You gonna come for me?” Tom asks before taking your nipple on his mouth. A new sensation consumes your body as your eyes slam shut and your head is thrown back.

“Tom!” You moan out as you feel your orgasm almost there.

“C’mon love, come for me.” Tom sucks on your nipple, his thrusts becoming sloppy.

Your high hits you and a string of Tom’s name and curses fall from your mouth in moans. Your legs shake and your chest heaves while Tom’s high follows right after. He stays hovering over you for just a moment, his sweaty chest against yours until he rolls off of you. The two of you clean up quick, Tom getting dressed in just a pair of sweatpants while you toss on your bra and underwear before crawling back into bed beside Tom.

“That was new.” You state with an airy laugh, your fingers intertwined with Tom’s.

“Yeah,” Tom nods, his arm around your shoulders. “Could do it again, sometime.” Tom chuckles but you know he’s actually offering, not joking.

“Mhm, we could.” You look up to him and his big brown eyes are half-lidded, drooping with sleep.

“Awesome.” Tom’s voice is becoming drenched with sleep and the only thing you can do is lean up and press a gentle kiss to his cheek.

“Go to sleep.” You say as your nuzzle completely into his chest. All you get is a hum in reply and a kiss on the top of your head.

You wake up the next morning to an empty bed. Your hand moves over Tom’s side of the bed, the sheets cool as if he’s been gone for awhile. The room is partially lit from the sun when you start to open your eyes. You stretch, remembering the events of the night before and while you technically didn’t tell each other you liked each other, you crossed that line. You thought you’d be filled with anxiety but instead, all you do is smile to yourself.

The scent of bacon fades into the bedroom, grabbing your full attention. Your smile widens as you get out of bed and toss on one of Tom’s white t-shirts. The carpet is cool beneath your feet as you pad across the room and down the hallway until you reach the kitchen.

Tom is standing in a pair of grey sweatpants, no shirt on, making bacon and what looks to be eggs. You roll your eyes at the dumb decision he’s made to make bacon shirtless but you won’t complain about the sight you have of his bare back.

“You’re gonna burn yourself.” You state, leaning against the counter behind him.

Tom jumps and faces you. His hand comes up to his now throbbing chest as he catches his breath, making you laugh. “You scared me!” Tom yells, eyes wide.

“I’m sorry.” You giggle softly.

Tom’s brows furrow as he points to you. “Is that my shirt?”

You look down and tug softly at the hem. “Oh….yeah. I can switch shirts if you want..?”

“No,” Tom says so fast he almost cuts you off. A blush creeps onto his face. “It looks better on your than it does on me, you should keep it.” Tom runs a hand through his bedhead.

“Okay.” You bite your lip shyly, looking to the floor. “So, about last night.”

“Yeah,” Tom sucks in a breath and he turns to flip the bacon, a tell that he’s nervous. Whenever he’s nervous about something, he finds something to distract him, something to hold half of his attention in case things go south. “If you want, maybe you’d want to go on a date with me.” Tom asks over the popping of the oil in the pan. “A real date, ya know?”

“You really wanna cross that line?” You ask and you already know the answer but for your own peace of mind, you just want to hear it.

Tom gives you a nervous laugh. “Pretty sure we did last night.”

“Okay.” You agree. “When?”

Tom shuts off the burners, moving the food to their own plates for the both of you. “Tomorrow?” Tom offers, holding two plates when he turns around.

“Sounds good.” A smile splits your face as you take a seat at the kitchen island, Tom sitting opposite of you and sliding your plate.

“Good ‘cause I was afraid I’d made this for nothing.” Tom’s nerves melt away as he gives you a cheeky grin.

  
  



	23. Bad Timing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Tom have had an unspoken thing for the past few months but while Tom decides he wants to take things to the next step, you have other plans

Tom looked over himself in the mirror, straightening out his button-down shirt. It wasn’t too fancy and it wasn’t too casual either. It seemed to be perfect for the night he had planned. And he had his hair gelled the way you liked it, his unruly eyebrow still on display but he smiled, he smiled because he’s nervous but also the most excited he’s been in ages.

You and Tom met through mutual friends forever ago and quickly clicked. A simple friendship of seeing each other at parties lead to a deeper friendship with late-night calls and Facetimes that lasted hours. Before either of you knew it, you were both falling hard and on one fateful night, you’d both been drunk and confessed your seemingly outlandish feelings for each other. To say you were happy wouldn’t even come close but, the next morning came and with sober minds, you both had decided to keep it simple. No relationship. Life was too hectic for the both of you at the time so why add another complication?

So, that’s how it’s been. You hook up and act like a couple but without the label and Tom adores you and he’s been having fun, but life is slowing down and he wants the next step. That’s what the night is supposed to be about. He could swear you’d agree to move forward and have a real relationship but there is that chance you’ll say no and that part terrifies him.

Tom’s leg bounced up and down repeatedly as he sat at the table in the restaurant, waiting for you. His palms grew cold and clammy with each passing second. He got there ten minutes early just to make sure he’d be on time but now he’s slightly regretting it, knowing it’s only made him more nervous. He just wants you to say yes or even just think about it. As long as you don’t say no, that’s his main thought at the moment. Anything besides no.

Lucky for Tom, he didn’t have to wait much longer before you arrived in nice pleated pants with a matching top. You looked as lovely as ever causing Tom’s stomach to just turn with butterflies. A smile split his face as he watched you approach the table and his legs felt like jelly as he got up to pull out your seat. He swears he’s never been so nervous about anything in his life.

“Hello, darling.” Tom chimes as he takes his seat across from you.

“Hey, Tom.” You smile back.

Tom’s heart pounds like a bass drum in a cathedral hall. Hard, loud, and resilient. He can barely hear himself think and he knows he should wait to ask. He knows he shouldn’t just blurt out the question. Dinner should be served and it should be like any other date but Tom is a terrible liar and he has a tell. Plus, with the constant pounding, there’s no way in hell he’d make it through dinner without passing out.

“I, um, wanted to ask you something.” Tom says, biting his lip.

“Okay.” Your heart sinks as you fear what he could possibly ask.

“Well, we’ve been doing this,” Tom points a finger between the two of you. “For months now and you’ve finished uni, I’ve gotten settled, seems like things have slowed a bit so, I was hoping maybe you’d want to make it official?” Tom’s eyes scan everywhere besides your face as he asks the question. “And….and maybe move in…if you wanted.”

Your heart stopped right in your throat as you looked at the boy with eyes beautiful as an autumn forest and a heart as big as the Milky Way. You can see the pure love and adornment he has for you. It’s right there and you love and adore him, too. You’d be damned if you didn’t but sometimes, that’s not enough.

You didn’t come to dinner with him tonight to make things official. You came to cut things off but not because he did anything. Not because there’s  _someone_  else. There’s just _something_  else. Something bigger than the both of you. It’s something you know Tom will understand but his eyes are so wide and hopeful and you know him better than your favorite movie. He was nervous and still is and now you have to crush him.

“Tom,” You sigh and reach a hand across the table, resting it on top of his. “I’m sorry.” Your voice cracks as you shake your head.

“Oh.” Tom says and the butterflies he once felt seemed to immediately die. Gone. Poof. Instead, they’re replaced by a thousand wasps, stabbing his stomach and throat with pain, pain that makes him want to cry but he doesn’t. He just stays quiet.

Tom shook your hand free, resting it his lap. “I-I’m…Tom, I…I’m moving.” You admit, brows furrowed with guilt and regret.

Tom nods, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Oh.” He repeats.

“It’s just, I got a call a few days ago.” You start to explain. “A spot opened up and…it’s the dream, ya know? I’ve wanted this my entire life.” You trail off as Tom’s head hangs and that one curl that never stays put no matter what he does falls forward. His hand comes up and you know he’s wiping his tears. “I have to go.”

“I-I know.” Tom’s broken voice hits your ears and you swore you’d never give up your dream for a boy but Tom makes it tempting. “I get it, yeah. Live your dream, darlin’.” Tom manages to choke out and give you a smile, a weak smile. He means it though. He’s happy for you but he’s sad for him.

“I never told you,” You start, sucking in a breath. “But I do love you, more than a friend. You’re my best friend, sure but you’re more than that. It’s just…bad timing.”

“Yeah,” Tom’s voice is just above a whisper. “I love you, too.” Tom admits and the rims of his eyes are red as he finally makes eye contact with you. “If it’ll make you happy, do it.”

You nod a few times while it takes everything in you not to start crying. “We’re still friends, right?” You ask and you just need to know you aren’t losing him fully.

“Of course.” Tom says and he doesn’t even hesitate because he loves you. “Just want you to be happy.”

A sad smile comes to your face as you fight back a few tears. “I will be.”


	24. Lonely Holiday

The tree is twinkling with tinsel and ornaments of all sorts. Some are, of course, Spider-Man and other Marvel-related characters. There's one that looks like Tessa and a few Disney ones along with a few yours and Tom's families had given to you as keepsakes. It's your first Christmas living with Tom and tree decorating was incredible. It consisted of laughing, Tom mostly just handing you ornaments claiming that you arrange them better, and then making hot chocolate for the both of you to sip on as he made a fire.

The tree is kind of like everything you should be experiencing but as Tom's life would have it, he had a prior commitment which left him in the states and to catch an early flight on Christmas Eve. The time was ticking down from when you were going to be able to pick him up and your heart immediately jumped and a smile spread across your face as your phone started going off, a Facetime call from Tom.

"Hey, darlin'." Tom says, a gentle smile on his face.

"Hey!" You chime, your smile much wider than his as you take in the background. "Have you already landed? Your flight isn't supposed to be in for another two hours." Excitement flooded through you at the thought of having Tom home two hours earlier.

It doesn't seem like a big deal. It's only two hours but that's two hours the two of you could be spending in front of a fire with Home Alone playing. It's still two hours you could be spending on Christmas Eve  _together_.

Tom lets out a soft sigh and he gives you a sad smile, shaking his head slightly, the grey beanie he's wearing preventing his curls from falling over his forehead. "I'm so sorry, love."

Your brows furrow as you take in his words and the sadness coming over his face. "You're not gonna make it, are you?" You ask, your words broken.

Tom shakes his head. "There's a snowstorm, all flights as delayed until the mornin'."

"You're gonna miss Christmas." Your heart breaks as you realize that if he doesn't get on a flight tonight, your first Christmas together will have to wait until next year.

"Yeah." Tom says and it's the saddest expression you've ever seen. "Looks that way."

You can feel a lump forming in your throat as you look down to Tessa who's asleep on your lap. You pet her head and around her ears, trying to not let yourself cry. It's not Tom's fault. This is just part of mother nature. No one controls the weather and it snows this time of year. It happens and sometimes, flights have to be delayed but it hurts. You were looking forward to it. You were supposed to wake up together, in bed, Tessa at your feet and it was supposed to be sweet and soft with gentle 'good morning' and 'merry Christmas' kisses. You were going to get cups of coffee in your matching mugs Tom's mom had gotten you both and you were going to open presents. Tom was supposed to open a new watch you'd gotten engraved for him. It was special and the snow has seemed to ruin what should be your favorite Christmas. It's just a bit soul-crushing.

"I'm so sorry." Tom whispers and you can hear him trying not to cry. "I've been trying to find other flights-"

"No," You say quickly looking back to the screen. "If it's dangerous, you should stay. It sucks but..." You trail off with the shrug of one of your shoulders.

Tom smirks with just the corner of his mouth. "I'm still gonna try, darlin'."

You nod softly. "Okay." You whisper, swallowing the lump in your throat.

"If I can't make it, we'll have our own Christmas the next day, ya? Just you and me, all day. I'll have mum save us some food." Tom chuckles, his eyes crinkling at the ends and that's why you love him.

"Leftovers for our Christmas." You mock, unable to remain completely sad with the light laugh of Tom.

"It's very us, don't you agree?" Tom continues to laugh.

"Yeah." You laugh with him. "Leftovers, take out when both of us burn the food, relying on our families for any real food."

Tom hits his chest, pretending to be offended. "Mac and cheese is real food!"

You tilt your head back in a fit of laughter, Tom's heart fluttering in response as he bites his lip. "Sure, it is, babe." You wink at him.

"It is! Don't see you complainin' when I make it." Tom holds his head up high, his ego the size of the airport.

"It's good! I admit, you make good mac and cheese, but I wouldn't call it real food." You scrunch your face and Tom just rolls his eyes.

"'S real food. If you can eat it, it's real."

"Whatever you say, Tommy."

Tom chuckles, pushing the beanie back a little. "I'll make you some when I get home."

"Hold you to that." You mumble through a smile.

Tom licks his lips, eyes starting to sadden once more. "Alright, love, I'ma go and see if I can find another flight, ya? Call you if something changes."

"Okay, stay safe." You give him a gentle smile, the lump forming in your throat once more.

"Love you." Tom holds the ending of the last word making you roll your eyes.

"Love you, too." You say quietly but loud enough for him to hear before you both end the facetime.

Tom sits back in the chair of the airport, his heart weighing heavy. This is his job, it's his dream but there are times that a small, minuscule even, part of him that hates it. It's times when he misses holidays or birthdays or big events with his family and friends. He knows everyone understands but that doesn't make him wish he were with the people he cares about more than working. Tonight is a night that's bugging him more than the rest though.

Tom had so much planned for when he would land. It was nothing too crazy but it was something he just needed after being away and for his favorite holiday. He had planned on letting you open his gift tonight instead of in the morning, partially because he's just excited for you to have it but also because he knows you've missed him. It'd be his way of apologizing even though he knows he doesn't have to. And after that, he planned to make you both some hot chocolate, start up a fire, and he'd have stuff for s'mores ready. You'd sit in front of the fire for the night and talk, cuddle, just catch up on the time lost between each other but now he's just stuck in an airport.

You need him but his fans and his job need him, too. A lonely holiday is just another sacrifice.

While Tom gets up and tries to find another flight, you're back at home texting his mom. Tom can be the optimistic all he wants but you're not gonna get your hopes up. The weather is unpredictable and the odds of him catching a flight are basically none. He might play Spider-Man but that doesn't get him any perks with mother nature. So, you're stuck texting his mom about Christmas dinner, explaining what Tom had told you just in case he hadn't called her yet. She quickly confirmed he did call her and she quickly informed you that she still expected and hoped to see you for dinner regardless on if Tom were going to make it. It warmed your heart really, to still be invited.

Once you got your phone texting out of the way, you worked around getting presents from under the tree together that way you wouldn't have to worry about it much in the morning. You gather the presents for all of Tom's brothers and his parents, all of which picked were out by you and Tom long before he left for work. You laugh to yourself as you stack them up, taking notice in how terrible some of the wrapping is. It's the thought that counts, right?

After you've gotten everything ready, you get Tessa ready for bed and decide to head to sleep early. If you're not gonna be able to pick Tom up from the airport, there's no reason in staying up. You might as well try and get some extra sleep, start over the next day. It's something Tom wishes he could be doing.

He's been out of luck trying for other flights and he checks the time on his phone, he sighs to himself figuring you'd be in bed, somewhere he'd love to be. He should be there with you, arms wrapped around you and pressing soft kisses to your cheeks between whispered 'i love you's; but, instead, he's stuck slouching in his seat, pulling his hoodie over his head and his beanie over his eyes. All Tom can do is hope for a miracle that the snow clears up.

The next morning comes around, your alarm sounding to wake you up with enough time to get to get ready and get to the Holland's. You stretch and see Tessa at the foot of the bed while Tom's side is empty and cold. Despite knowing full and well that Christmas miracles are few and far between, you hoped you'd wake up and he'd be there. Maybe he could have snuck in during the night and just crawled into bed but he didn't. It's just you in your empty apartment with Tessa.

_Merry Christmas._

Tessa jumps off the bed, signaling it was time for him to go out.

"I'm coming, Tess." You yawn as you get out of bed, your heart aching as you toss one of Tom's hoodies on.

You and Tessa make your way out into the hallway and your foolish heart beats quicker as you walk, hoping that Tom will be sitting under the tree like the cheesy dork you know he is. But, when the tree comes into view and it's just the same as you left it last night, your heart just stalls in your chest before plummeting to your stomach.

Not spending Christmas together has never been a huge deal. You'd both always wanted to but it just was too much until you moved in together, now you're always together. You're closer to his family. It never bothered you before because you never had this choice, not like this. Now, it's just been ripped away from you in a single blizzard and it hurts more than you want to admit. But, Tessa still needs to go out and you still need to get ready and head over to Tom's family. Tom might not be home but his family is.

After taking Tessa outside, you ring Tom and his phone goes straight to voicemail, liking due to a dead phone.

"Hey, Tommy." You say to the voicemail as you make your way to the bathroom. "Just calling to tell you Merry Christmas." You lick your lip and lean against the now closed door. "I miss you. Get home safe, okay? I love you." You sigh before hanging up.

It just sucks but you have to get ready. You can't let Tom not being home completely ruin your holiday. As soon as you get to the Holland's, they'll all cheer you up. It's what they're best at, making people happy and comfortable. You allow a warm shower to ease some of your sorrow and immediately follow it with getting ready, dressing in a nice sweater and a nice pair of jeans. A quick blow-dry of your hair and a quick brush through, you were ready to grab the presents and Tessa and head over to the Holland's.

The Holland's home smelled of evergreens and cinnamon, a mix of a pork roast nearly done coming from the kitchen. It's warm and cozy, more so than any other day and you're immediately greeted by Harry, followed by Sam and Paddy, not long before Mr. Holland makes his appearance to greet you and take the gifts from you. They're all just as welcoming as they would be if Tom had been there and it eases the bit of ache from your heart. His family has become yours and this holiday isn't starting to feel so lonely after all.

Dinner is set to be ready within the next fifteen minutes which leaves you in the living room with the boys. Paddy and Harry are sat in front of the TV playing FIFA while you're sat with Sam catching up on the few things that have happened in the short time you haven't seen the family. It's then that your phone starts ringing, a facetime from Tom. You quickly excuse yourself, the eyes of the boys following you until you're out of the room.

"Merry Christmas, darlin'." Tom says, eyes bright as can be and a huge smile across his face.

"Merry Christmas." You can barely get the words out with how wide your smile is.

"How's your day goin'? Hope my family isn't giving you too much trouble." Tom jokes, looking up off the screen every few seconds, the background hidden with the close up of his face.

"They're great. I think they enjoy my company more than yours, actually." You quip, holding your head up.

"Oh, that so?" Tom asks but there's barely a hint of teasing in his voice, just the adoring smile on his lips.

"Yep. Been chatting with Sam and your dad here and there."

Tom looks at you through the phone and there's a glint in his eyes that makes you completely melt. It's different from last night. There's no sorrow or even regret in his eyes. He's genuinely happy. He seems to be content and it warms your heart even more. You might miss him and want him here with you but you are having a good time with his family and you're happy he doesn't seem to be dwelling on it too much.

"Good." Tom says, his voice going gentle.

"Where are you by the way? Did end up having to get a hotel?" You ask, trying to get a glimpse of the background but based on lighting, you know it's not an airport.

"Nah, no hotel." Tom shakes his head. "No airport either."

You furrow your brows, tilting your head slightly. "Where are you then?"

Tom bites his lip, tugging the grey beanie off his head and looking to his feet, a nervous tick you've gained to notice over the time you've been together. "You really wanna know?" Tom asks, his curls a bit flat but still as beautiful as ever on him.

"MHm." You hum with a simple nod.

"Turn around."

Your eyes widen as you just stare at your screen, ready to tell him off if it's some joke. "Tom, I swear if you're fuckin' with me."

"Just turn around." Tom smirks and you do as told.

You turn and Tom is standing there, a bag in hand and still in his winter coat. He has bags under his eyes and it doesn't look like he's even showered. In fact, it doesn't look he's done anything besides get on a plane and come right home. But that's perfectly fine. Your eyes start to water and you run up to him, his arms open to embrace you. You jump in his arms and his lips immediately connect with yours, arms wrapped completely and snuggly around you.

"Missed you, darlin'." Tom mutters against your lips.

"Missed you, too, Tommy." You mutter into his, kissing him again before he places you back on the floor. "Thought you couldn't find a flight?"

Tom shrugs a shoulder. "I'm quite charming, you know?" Tom jokes, his hands going to his pockets.

You catch a glimpse of his mom and dad standing a few feet behind him watching. His mom has a hand to her mouth and his dad has an arm around her. They look as if they're just waiting for something or maybe they're just happy their son has managed to work his way around the damn weather. Either way, your eyes go back to Tom's and you're so immensely happy to see those big brown eyes staring at you with all the love in the world.

"I know I'm late and I hope you can forgive me for it." Tom says.

"Of course, it's not your fault. They need you, too, ya know?" You say, tugging on his coat for emphasis.

"I know." Tom whispers. He takes a step back and the color of his face starts to drain a little and he chews his lip that's definitely covered in Carmex. "I, uh, well, I wanted to do this last night but I didn't wanna do it over facetime." Tom admits, his hand moving around in the pocket of his coat.

"Do...what?" You ask hesitantly.

Tom sends you the most nervous smile you've ever seen in your entire life and your heart starts beating a mile a minute, swearing you're going to pass out if he doesn't tell you what he's thinking. You think you know but you don't wanna fool yourself. It's more than good enough he's here and he's made it but is he really gonna...

Tom pulls out a little black box, sucking in a deep breath as he moves to one knee, his eyes darting to the space behind you where his brothers have gathered to watch the scene, only making his nerves worse. It was supposed to be last night, just the two of you so you wouldn't feel pressured to tell him yes. It was supposed to be just the two of you but Tom can't not ask now. He's got the ring and he's sure you're his person, his forever plan. His family invites you in as if you've been a part of the family your entire life. Tom physically can't keep this a secret anymore.

"Will you marry me?" Tom asks, voice shaky, leaning on every single ounce of hope he has that you'll say yes.

You stare at him with wide, glossy eyes, in disbelief he's actually doing this. And how could you ever tell him no? You've known you wanted him to be your forever since day one. Now's just the time to confirm it. So, you nod frantically and move towards him quickly, pulling him up to his feet and colliding your lips with his.

"Yeah?" Tom cups your face, balancing the box with two fingers.

"Mhm, yeah." You smile before kissing him once more.

_Merry Christmas._


	25. The Wild Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wild Hunt is said to be of ghost riders and hellhounds riding the storm to steal souls of the living for all of eternity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a supernatural AU (not the tv show) and totally based off Teen Wolf's interpretation on The Wild Hunt and the riders of the storm and ya know, based off season 6 because it's a good season

To be in love is almost something magical. You have someone who's not just your best friend but your  _person_. They're your other half, a kind of soulmate even. Hearts beat as one, butterflies come to life at the same time, and flowers bloom together. It's good anxiety, the kind that's almost like a drug and it's waking up with them and still falling endlessly for them, pool of drool around their mouth and hair like a birds' a best. But the absolute best part about being in love is having that person be in love, too. And Tom, he is hopelessly and endlessly in love with you.

Tom's arm is wrapped snugly around your waist, his head just above yours as you're both laying on the couch having a Mission Impossible marathon and a fluffy grey blanket covers both of your bodies. His lips graze the top of your head, a gentle and sweet kiss placed atop before he starts leaving quick pecks across your cheek, making you giggle and push your back against him. Tom's laugh bounces around the room and through your ears, butterflies sputtering through both of your stomachs.

You twist in his arms, facing him and capturing his lips with yours, silencing his laughing. You can feel him smile against your lips and you can taste the leftover Carmex from earlier, a taste that bothers most people but not you, not when it comes to Tom.

"What're you doing?" You ask and you pull away.

"Can't kiss you for no reason?" Tom asks, eyes big and innocent.

You quirk a brow, not buying it. "No." You laugh, shaking your head into his shoulder.

"'M hungry." Tom admits, his voice light and on the cusp of a chuckle.

"Mhm, thought so." You mumble into his shirt, the scent of his cologne you never grow tired of wearing off from the day.

"Want some popcorn?" Tom asks, his breath brushing against your ear.

"Sure." You pick your head up and offer him a gentle smile before pecking his lips.

Tom beams, kissing your forehead before he starts to get up, successfully yanking the blanket with him and tripping to the floor. You burst into a fit of laughter, trying to ask if he's okay but the laughter coming from him and the movement of his shoulders tell you he's perfectly fine. He rolls over onto his back, clearly defeated but his chest is rising quickly with the subsiding laugh.

"For someone as athletic as you, you're clumsy." You mock, leaning over the couch.

"Love me anyway." Tom picks his head up, winking at you.

"On occasion." You quip, a smile spread across your face.

Tom gasps, hitting his chest over his heart. "But  _I_  love  _you_." Tom whines, sticking out his bottom lip and all you can do is lean back, laughing.

"Yeah, I love you, too." You mutter.

Tom gains a triumphant smile as he gets to his feet. "'S what I thought."

You roll your eyes and choose not to respond. Tom made his way to the kitchen, opening and closing the cabinet for a bag of microwave popcorn and you pulled out your phone, checking messages and social media. There was a new picture of you and Tom posted to Instagram, Harry had posted it not long before. A happy smile started to pull at the corner of your lips, your thumb just brushing over the image.

You'd all gone a pub for a night out, just you, Tom, Harry, and Harrison but as Harry is who he is, he couldn't leave the picture taking for another time. So, of course, he snapped one of you and Tom leaning against the wall outside as you waited for a ride home. Tom's arms wrapped around you as your back is pressed against his chest and you're looking up to him smiling and laughing, eyes crinkling at the edges. Tom looks about as happy as he's ever been, intoxicated, but blissfully in love with you and about to kiss your temple. Just the picture alone is enough to send shivers of electricity through your heart.

"Tom," You sit up, twisting to your knees and resting your forearms on the back of the couch so you can see Tom. "Have you seen the picture Harry posted about an hour ago?" You ask, waving your phone at him.

He shakes his head and walks over, taking your phone from your hands and his entire face softens with the sight of it. His lips are pulled into a fragile smile, the corners of his eyes just barely crinkling, and the reflection of the phone is bouncing from his eyes. He doesn't have to say anything because it's all right there, Harry did well getting the picture. But, before you could ask what he thought, just to be sure, Tom was sliding your phone back in your hands while bringing your lips to his in a deep kiss. You sigh against him before he pulls away.

"What was that for this time?"

"Just love you is all." Tom whispers, bringing his lips to yours once more only for you both to be interrupted by the microwave and Tom's phone ringing.

He gives you a quick smirk before digging in his pocket and pulling out his phone, turning his back to you as he goes to the microwave. Tom puts the phone to his ear and greets the caller, not bothering to have checked the caller ID.

"Sam's gone!" The panicked voice of Harry rings through Tom's ears.

"What?" Tom asks, pulling the phone from his head to see it's still reading his brother's name.

" **Sam's**.  **Gone**!" Harry says, this time clearer. "He-he was here and then...then these-I don't know! These guys or somethin' show up and, Tom, he's just gone! And we gotta-"

"Slow down," Tom sighs, opening the microwave, clouding his nose with the scent of fresh popcorn and putting the phone between his ear and shoulder as he grabs the steaming bag. "Who's Sam?"

Tom knows he has a few friends by the name but none of who should be causing Harry this much worry. But, Harry is someone who likes to prank Tom. They've been doing it as long as either of them can remember. Cling wrap in the door frame, cooking oil on the kitchen floor, salt in the sugar, it's what they do so Tom can't help but think this is just some weird prank Harry is trying to pull.

"What the fuck do you mean--your brother!" Harry screams so loud you can hear him from your seat on the couch. Tom pulls the phone away from his ear and swaps sides, walking over to you. "My twin! He is  _gone_!"

Tom's brows are furrowed, entire forehead wrinkled in confusion as he hands you the bag of popcorn. "What're you on?" Tom asks. "We don't have a brother called Sam."

You take a few pieces of popcorn, popping them into your mouth while matching Tom's expression, wondering what could possibly be going on.

"God!" Harry yells in frustration. "Yes, we do! These weird guys or something came in and they fuckin'...shot him or something."

"Is there blood?" Tom asks, no concern in his voice.

"No..." Harry says. "But--"

"If someone's shot, there'd be blood. You were probably dreaming." Tom says, taking a handful of popcorn for himself.

Harry groans on the other end. "I wasn't dreaming! This is serious! He was just here. He's our brother! Why're you actin' like you don't fuckin' care?"

"Harry," Tom says. "Would you calm down? We've only got Paddy, 's it. No Sam. Tellin' you, you were probably--"

"You're fuckin' useless, you know that?" Harry's voice breaks with his voice, making Tom fall concerned.

"Where's mum and dad? Maybe you should talk to them." Tom offers. "You don't sound alright."

"Fine." Harry mutters. "They'll believe me." Before Tom can respond, the line does dead.

Tom pulls the phone from his head, looking at the now black screen. He shakes his head, eyes going to you before he climbs over the back of the couch and takes a seat beside you. You watch him with a raised brow, waiting for him to explain but he just sits in silence for a minute.

He's never heard Harry that upset. It doesn't matter the prank, doesn't matter the joke, Harry wouldn't take it that far to cause Tom major concern. He sounded genuinely terrified and hurt, like he really had just watched someone be taken or shot. It's a little unsettling and it even has Tom questioning about his other brother. Maybe Harry mistook the name? But that wouldn't quite make sense and Tom wouldn't just forget he had a third brother,  _right_?

"You okay, Tom?" You ask, resituating to face him.

"Uh," Tom shakes his head, still looking forward. "Yeah, I think." He says quietly before looking to you. "Harry said he saw our brother get taken or shot but not Paddy, Sam?"

"You don't have a brother named Sam?" You question, making sure that Tom hasn't been hiding a secret brother in the year you've been dating.

Tom shakes his head quickly. "No, no, we don't. Just the three of us."

"What's wrong then?"

Tom shrugs a shoulder. "He sounded...serious, maybe." Tom says. "I dunno. It was just weird but he's ringing our parents. It was probably a night terror or nightmare, somethin'."

"Do you wanna stop tomorrow to check on him?" You offer, seeing the distress across Tom's face.

"Yeah, I'll go." Tom says, taking the bag of popcorn from you.

"I can go with you if you want." You offer with a reassuring smile.

"Nah," Tom starts, putting his arm around your shoulders to pull you into him. "I'll go and meet you back here after work, ya?"

"Alright," You sigh. "Just lemme know if you change your mind."

"Thanks, love." Tom mutters as he presses a chaste kiss to your forehead. "We should get back to the movie." Tom nods towards the screen, offering you the top of the bag of popcorn.

You nod, kissing his cheek and within twenty minutes, you're both back to how you were before Harry had called.

By the time the next morning rolls around, it's like the night before didn't happen. Tom had brushed off his phone call with Harry, saying he was gonna stop by later in the day. And your morning routine went as it normally does, each taking turns showering and moving around the bathroom is perfect harmony only to meet back in the kitchen where the two of you would make breakfast and eat together. And that leads the two of you to now, where you're both in the kitchen just after breakfast. Tom is at the sink while you're sat on the corner, finishing off an apple before you're set to leave for work.

"You're gonna be late if you don't go soon." Tom wipes his hands on the towel as you pull out your phone, checking the time.

"Yeah, don't wanna go." You scrunch your face, looking back to Tom.

Tom moves over to you, slightly spreading your legs so he can't stand between them. "But when you get home, I'll be here." He smirks leaning in and connecting his lips to yours.

"This isn't making me wanna go anymore." You close your eyes as his kisses trail down your jaw.

"Just giving you something to look forward to when you come home." Tom smirks against your neck, nipping but careful not to leave marks.

You whine, tilting your head back to give him more access. "I think you just like to tease me."

Tom chuckles, kissing back up your cheek before cupping your face in his hands. "Is quite fun, ya."

"I shouldn't go then." Your eyes widen, teasing him.

Tom scrunches his nose, reaching for your phone and checking the time only to be met with the picture Harry had taken. "You should and you've changed your background?" Tom flashes the screen to you.

"Mhm." You hum, plucking the phone from his hand. "You look cute."

"Not as cute as you, darlin'." Tom gives you a wide grin.

"Stop." You roll your eyes, resting your head on his shoulder.

"'S true." Tom assures, kissing the side of your head.

"I love you, ya know?" You look back to him, arms coming around his shoulders.

"I know." Tom smiles, pecking your lips. "And I love you, don't forget that, ya?"

"How could I ever?" You quip, pulling him in for a deep kiss, your tongue tracing his bottom lip.

How could you possibly forget that Tom loves you? That's the real question. A love as strong as yours should be unbreakable. It should be stronger than any force of nature. Stronger than anything to exist. He reminds you day in and day out that he is in love with you and he has been since day one and you do the exact thing. It's not always in the words of "i love you" but in the words like "be careful","buckle your seatbelt", "text me when you get there", and "this made me think of you". It's in the actions when either of you show up with the other's favorite lunch or dinner, just because you thought of each other. It's how you move around the kitchen in a perfect dance only the two of you know. You maneuver around the bathroom with ease, brushing teeth and hair, never once bumping into each other. It's in the small glances at sunset and sleepy smiles in the morning when the sun's woken the two of you up. Everything you two do, it's there. It's love. A love one could not simply forget.

Well, that's how it should be at least.

You've been home from work just long enough to have changed into a pair of pajamas when you hear the door slam shut. You jump at the sound, your heart immediately starting to race as you make your way down the hallway. Tom is standing against the door, palms against it as and his chest is rising and falling as if he's just gotten done running from someone, from  _something_. His hair is sticking to his forehead and you can hear him gasping for air. Complete worry washes over you as you step closer to him.

"Tom?"

"Y/n!" He yells, pushing away from the door. "Thank God." He sighs of relief but his expression doesn't show it, it's still written with fear. "C'mon." He grabs your arms and pulls you down the hall to your bedroom, quickly shutting the door and locking it.

"Tom what's--" You try to ask but he's quick to cut you off by cupping your face.

"I'm gonna sound fuckin' nuts but you've to listen to me, alright?" Tom's eyes are wide and glossy, looking like he's about to cry.

"You're scaring me, what's wrong?" Your eyes search his face for any sign of what's going on.

"I went to Harry's and--"

"Who's Harry?" You cut him off before he could finish.

Tom's expression drops. Pure and utter devastation wash across his face and his heart stops right in his chest. "You....you don't...." Tom stares you, jaw going a bit slack as the color drains from his face.

He went to Harry's, he did and it didn't go how he expected. Harry was uneasy but he didn't remember calling Tom the night before about Sam. He didn't know who Sam was. It was just like Tom had said, maybe a bad dream or a night terror. But then, something horrible and completely crazy happened. Something that can't be fully explained.

"I-I...I don't..." Tom just stares at you, expression full of sorrow as a tear falls down his face. "Someone." Tom says, choosing not to spend time explaining who Harry is. He thinks he's next, he _knows_  he's next and he doesn't have time to sit down and explain who people are. "I was with him and he started hearing these...horses and dogs, I didn't see 'em, not at first but then I did and they shot him."

"What?" You yell, trying to follow Tom's words but he just sounds like he's telling you a wild story.

"Yeah, I know." Tom nods. "But...he just...disappeared. Into smoke."

"Did you fall asleep in the car?" You ask, your voice breaking finding Tom's state more than worrisome. If you didn't know any better, if he even smelled of a hint of alcohol rather than his favorite cologne, you'd think he was wasted beyond repair.

Tom shakes his head frantically. "No, no, no, I didn't and I think--" Tom moves his stare from you and to the door. His eyes widen and his heart sinks.

He's right.  _He's next_.

"Do you hear that?" He asks.

"Hear what?" You listen carefully, hoping that Tom hasn't completely lost his sanity.

Tom closes his eyes and swallows a lump that's started to form. "You don't remember Harry?"

This is how Harry felt the night before. Tom didn't believe him, that their own brother had simply disappeared but how can he be expected to believe something he doesn't remember? And now it's happened to Harry and Tom doesn't have the time to dwell on it. He doesn't have time to think about how he let his brother down not believing him or at least going over when he called. He doesn't have time to explain it all to you because the sounds of the horses and dogs are getting closer and he's going to be next. He doesn't have time to tell you because you're going to forget him and he needs to tell you so much more instead.

"You need to know I love you, okay?" Tom mutters, his voice breaking as a few tears slip over his cheeks.

"I know." You whisper, your hands coming up to cup his. "I love you, too but--"

"No." Tom cuts you off. "I have  _been_  in love with you forever and I'm gonna be in love with you forever but I don't think you're gonna remember that. I-I-I hope you do but I dunno if you will. I need you to try, though, okay? Don't let my mum forget me. Or Harrison or my dad or Paddy. Don't let them forget me. Try,  _ **please**_." Tom pleads, tears slipping beyond his control.

"I could never forget you." You assure him but there's still confusion in your voice, something not comforting to Tom at all. "I love you, I do. How could I forget--"

Before you could finish, the door opens and you see nothing besides Tom moving to stand in front of you. Even when you peek around him though, you see nothing besides the white door wide open. You don't hear anything unusual, it's just open but Tom is shaking in front of you, almost like he's guarding you from someone, from  _something_.

But, Tom? Tom sees them. There's three men with charcoal black scarecrow faces, dressed in cowboy hats and long coats on black horses with large black dogs. The dogs snarl and bark at Tom, paying no attention to you. It's Tom they want. Tom just watches in horror, almost paralyzed as one of the riders pulls out a pistol. It's aimed at Tom's head and he turns his head, just barely enough to get a glance of you.

" _I love you_." He whispers and with a bang unheard by you, a green puff of smoke is in front of you and you're alone.

The smoke evaporates and it's just you. Your heart is like rapid thunder in your ears. What just happened? Tom was there one second and gone the next. People don't disappear. That's impossible. People don't just hear and see things that other people don't and disappear because of it. But it happened. It just happened and now your mind is going a mile-a-minute because was that what Tom was trying to tell you? That this Harry person was taken by these people and that's how he knew? That's why he was scared? But what's bothering you the most is that Tom really thinks--thought that you could forget him. How could you ever?

So, that's when you decide it's a dream. It  _has_  to be a dream because people don't disappear into green smoke. People don't just disappear and Tom knows you could never forget him even if you tried, even if you wanted to try. It has to be a dream. A vivid dream that keeps you tossing and turning all night.

You repeat his name over and over again, each time becoming a little stale in your thoughts. Like it's been expired for years. You close your eyes and you picture him, brown eyes, curling brown hair, eyebrow with a cowlick you can't help but find adorable. He's there, in your memories while you're awake. But, then you fall asleep.

The next day comes around and you wake up as you normally do but you don't feel right. Something feels off. You reach for your phone, clicking the screen and being met with a picture of you in front of a brick wall looking over your shoulder, smiling and laughing. A twist to your stomach makes you furrow your brows. You remember changing the background but you don't remember why. It's like a void is taking up that part of your memory. The picture is cute, you look amazing, but it's not like you set your lock screen to a picture of yourself. But, you brush it off because maybe you were just drunk when you did it or maybe you're remembering wrong and Harrison did it as a joke and you hadn't bothered to change it back. Either way, you get out of bed and proceed with your routine.

Your routine follows as it would normally, you take your shower, brush your teeth and hair, get dressed. You eat your breakfast and check your social media. It's all normal but it feels off. It's almost an empty feeling but not quite. Kind of like you've misplaced something but the harder you think about it, the further the memory gets. It's almost as if someone is inside your mind just shredding your memories of whatever you're supposed to be remembering. It's quite unsettling.

A knock on your door pulls your attention from your phone. When you open the door, Harrison is standing there, allowing himself in with a cheery smile.

"You alright?" He asks, raised brow on display. "You look a bit lost." He chuckles.

"Oh, yeah." You nod. "We still going to find something for your mom's birthday?" You ask, remembering Harrison asking a few days prior if you could come help him pick something out for his mom since he wanted to make sure he got just the right set of earrings this year.

"Yep." Harrison chimes, watching you move across the kitchen, your expression still a but contorted in confusion. "Really, you alright?" Harrison drops the cheeriness as he watches you.

"I just," You face him, biting the inside of your cheek. "Feel like I'm forgetting something."

"Like what?" Harrison asks. "Can help you find it."

You shake your head. "Nah, like, you know in Harry Potter where Neville doesn't remember his robes so his Remembrall consumes in red smoke but he doesn't remember what he's forgotten?" Harrison nods along with your reference. "It's like that. I feel like I'm missing something but how can I be missing something I don't even remember?"

Harrison rolls his shoulders. "I dunno." He answers. "I've gotten the feeling before though, probably just woke up funny, ya?"

You sigh, running a hand through your hair. "Yeah, maybe." You shake your head and decide to try and ignore the gnawing of your stomach. "Lemme just put my shoes on and we can go." You give Harrison a quick smile.

"Cool." Harrison's cheeriness returns.

_How can someone forget something they don't remember? How can someone forget someone they love? The only answer remains with riders of the storm, the Wild Hunt._


	26. Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s everything red and pink, drenched in hearts and roses, representing a simple and powerful four-letter word.

Your feet ache and legs are sore as you make your way to Tom's door, one of his bright ideas. While it might be Valentine's Day, it's not a true holiday and you were stuck at work, receiving texts from Tom all day, reminding you to come over after work. Tom refused to tell you what he had planned and it truly surprised you that he actually managed to keep it a secret but as you searched for the key to his home in your bag, you were sure you'd open the door to see him basically vibrating from excitement, unable to keep the secret any longer.

The door creaks open and you're greeted with a dark doorway and a dimmed kitchen to your right. Red, pink, and white heart-shaped balloons can be seen scattered about the kitchen and leading into the living room. Rose petals littered the floor in a messy trail and the scent of roses filled your senses.

"Tom?" You called out as you kicked off your shoes beside his old Nikes. "Where are you?" Your brows furrow as you start to make your way to the kitchen.

Lit candles are neatly scattered about his countertop with a box of chocolates, the lid half open to let you see what's inside. You pluck a chocolate from the box before moving to one of the chairs against the snack bar, resting your bag in the seat. It's then that you look up to get a better look at the balloons, all of them inscribed with quotes.

You tug down the string of one balloon and read over the writing in sharpie, the words scribbled in Tom's handwriting.

_**"You make me a better man. - As Good As It Gets"** _

A smile comes to your face, gentle and soft as you let the balloon float back to the ceiling and grab another one.

_**"To me, you are perfect. Love Actually"** _

You brush a hand over the lettering, none of it smearing meaning Tom has had these balloons done and unrushed. Your heart starts to swell as you bring your attention back to the ceiling, holding the red heart in your hands. The entire ceiling is covered in them and they start to lead out of the kitchen, following the trail of rose petals. So, you decide to let the balloon go and pluck balloons from the ceiling as you follow the petals

_**"It's like in that moment the whole universe existed just to bring us together. - Serendipity"** _

_**"They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that's true. - Big Fish"** _

_**"Everything I have ever done, I've done for you. - Great Expectations "** _

**_"_ _Soulmates. It's extremely rare, but it exists. It's sort of like twin souls tuned into each other. – When Dreams May Come"_ **

_**"I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. – The Vow"** _

You keep pulling balloons down, red, pink, white, whichever color happens to come down and the back of your eyes start to burn. Tears swell behind your eyes as all of your love and adoration for Tom comes to the surface.

_**"I've come here with no expectations, only to profess, now that I am at liberty to do so, that my heart is, and always will be, yours. – Sense & Sensibility"** _

_**"You meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. And then you meet one person and your life is changed. Forever. – Love & Other Drugs"** _

_**"You are a song, a dream, a whisper, and I don't know how I could have lived without you for as long as I have. – The Notebook"** _

_**"It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, meant we were supposed to be together and I knew it. – Sleepless in Seattle"** _

Tom must have spent hours on just the balloons. He doesn't really dislike any type of movie but you know him better than anyone and so far, you've found quotes from just romance films and you know those aren't Tom's favorites. He'll watch them on his own or with you but they aren't ones that are usually his top picks meaning he had to either sit through all of these movies just for this or take the time and look for them online. And then go through the task of writing them all down, neatly, on mylar balloons. This has taken a lot of time and it's just for you.

_**"I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you. – Dirty Dancing"** _

_**"You were my dream. – Tangled"** _

_**"If you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just passes you by. – My Bestfriend's Wedding"** _

_**"I'm happiest when I'm being myself, and myself when I'm with you. – What's Your Number"** _

_**"Our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it. – A Walk to Remember"** _

Tom's door is in view but you can't help but keep pulling down balloons. Your heart is erratic and the lump in your throat has tripled in size in just a few minutes. Salty tears have made their way down your cheeks and to your lips, you sniffle and having to wipe your eyes carefully without smudging your makeup. There's so much effort here and you're not sure what's made him do it or what else he's got planned. You're just happy that you have him because who else puts this much effort into Valentine's Day?

_**"Take love, multiply it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever.. and you still have only a glimpse of how I feel for you. - Meet Joe Black"** _

**_"But the you who you are tonight is the same you I was in love with yesterday, the you I'll be in love with tomorrow. -_ _If I Stay"_ ** _  
_

_**"Being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life. You're the girl of my dreams - 50 First Dates"** _

Every single quote is about being in love and he's never said it to you and you've never said it to him. Deep down, you both know you love each other. You've been dating almost a year and it's always just right there. Careful touches, random take out or soup runs when one of you is sick, patience beyond compare with juggling your jobs and mismatched schedules, selflessness in everything the two of you do. It's there but not out loud. Not yet.

_**"I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone. - Lord of the Rings** _

_**"I can do all of these things because you believe in me. Because you give me the strength and the will to get them done - The Amazing Spiderman vol. 2 #50"** _

_**"But something in her makes me gentle. Makes me shy. Makes me strong. Makes me happy to be alive. - The Amazing Spiderman #53"** _

_**"I have to protect the one thing I can't live without. That's you. - Iron Man 3"** _

_**"It's always you. - Avengers Endgame"** _

You held the pink balloon in your hands and you almost laugh because of course, the last few before you get to his door are Marvel-related but they're all ones that are important and sweet, ones you know he likes and appreciates. All the other ones are amazing and they all have you crying but these last few, especially the Spider-Man ones, have you sniffling and wanting to scream how much you love Tom from every rooftop of the city. It's special, more than the others because this is him. This is his thing and he's choosing to share it with you, showing you that when he reads the comics and he looks at Peter and MJ, he's reminded of you. And you're breathless.

You let the balloon graze against your fingertips as it floated to the ceiling before you reached for the handle of Tom's room. The door opens quietly and you're met with the sight of Tom, cheeks flushed while he bites his lip and fiddles with his fingers. His eyes are doe-eyed and drenched in nerves as he looks back to you and around the room, as if making sure you liked the sight. The theme of rose petals scattered across the floor continues. Candles are lit all around his room, no lights, just candles and it all smells like a field of roses.

"Hi." You say through a smile, taking a step in the room.

"Hey." He says, sucking in a deep breath. "Do...you like it?"

"Yeah, of course." Your voice is just above a whisper as you stand in front of him. "All this for Valentine's Day?" You raise a brow and reach out to put your hands on his hips.

Tom shakes his head, his hands meeting your waist. "No." It's a chuckle that leaves his lips and you swear his cheeks would be as red as the rose petals if the lighting were better. "We've been dating almost a year." Tom says, a slight quiver to his voice.

"We have been." You watch him carefully as your heart rate echos through your ears.

"I've never told you before but, uh," A nervous laugh escapes his throat as he shakes his head, a few loose curls moving with the motion. "I love you and I have since we first met. You make me a better person and you make me happy to be alive and I just really love you and I wanna show you how much I love you every day that you'll let me." After the initial three words, everything became a ramble in one word, the quiver becoming more evident.

"I love you, too." You say and you want to start crying again because you know, you've always known but to hear it is something otherworldly.

Tom lets out a breath visibly relaxing as he squeezes your hips. "You do?" The quiver is gone as he nearly exclaims the questions, eyes bright.

"Yes," You widen your eyes, a smirk coming to your lips. "And I wanna show you how much every day that  _you'll_  let  _me_."

Tom pulls you gently against him and his lips start to graze against yours. "I'd like that." He whispers before capturing your lips in a sweet kiss.

You deepen the kiss and Tom's hands glide over your back and come up to cup your face. His thumbs trace over where tears had been falling just minutes prior and his tongue swipes against your lips. You tangle your hands in his hair, gaining an almost inaudible moan from Tom. You detach your lips from his, kissing down his jawline and to his neck, nipping at the skin and brushing your tongue over the mark to soothe his skin. Tom's heart races as you reach for the hem of his shirt, his arms going up to help you remove the fabric and your lips attach to his collarbone.

You leave a trail of red and purple marks down his chest and stomach, moving to your knees in front of his crotch. Your hands work the button of his jeans and pull them and his boxer briefs down with ease, Tom's hands coming to the sides of your face, brushing your hair out of the way. His cock is sprung in front of your face and you look up at Tom through your lashes, an easy smile decorating your face before you wrap your lips just around his tip. Tom lets out a gasp, his hands moving to the back of your head to get a better grip on your hair but careful not to push you onto him.

You hum against him, your tongue moving around the tip and the slit, teasing him. It's taking every muscle in him to not jerk his hips forward and have you deep throat him right then and there. You hum again, the vibrations sending a surge of warmth and ecstasy through Tom's body.

"Please." He pleads, looking down at you through hooded eyes.

At a steady pace, you take him completely into your mouth, hollowing out your cheeks. You bob your head and bring your hand up to work what you couldn't fit into your mouth. Tom's head is thrown back, his grip tight on your hair. Small moans come from him as you look up to him. His lips are pursed and you can see his chest moving with every breath and you can't ignore the growing heat between your legs as you look at him. You rub your thighs together, bringing your other hand up to play with his balls. Tom lets out a loud moan, his neck craning to look down at you.

"Fuck." He whispers, his eyes meeting your yours. "Come 'ere." Tom mutters, voice rough as he gently pulls you off of him and to your feet.

His lips connect to yours in a heated kiss before he starts stripping you of your clothes. Your shirt goes first and a smirk dances across his face as he catches a glimpse of your red laced bra.

"It's your favorite." You state, biting your lip while you wiggle your brows.

"Mmm." Tom hums as his hands work on pulling your pants off, revealing matching lace underwear. "You're gorgeous, ya know?" Tom says, looking you over.

"I know." A confident smile splits your face.

"Good." Tom's voice is graveled as his lips come back to yours for one deep and heated kiss.

His lips trail down your jaw to your neck as you did to him and his hand snakes behind your back, undoing the clasp of your bra. Your bra falls to the floor before Tom's arms wrap around you and move you to the bed, laying you flat on your back. His lips attack your chest, leaving marks below your collarbone before his lips attach to one of your nipples, sucking and swiping his tongue over the bud. You gasp and move your hands to his hair, threading your fingers through the strands.

A coil builds in the pit of your stomach as Tom's fingers play with your other nipple. Your thighs rub together as your moans grow louder. Tom's hot breath fans over your breast as he detaches himself to chuckle.

"Growing impatient?" His eyes flicker between yours and where your bodies meet.

"Maybe." You whisper, biting your lip once, a taunting smile coming to your lips.

"All you've to do is ask." Tom teases, tweaking your nipple as he moves to his knees and fiddles with the hem of your underwear.

"Take them off and touch me, please." The words leave your mouth, half a plea and half daring him.

Tom's face lights up with more lust as he strips the remaining fabric from your body and positions himself between your legs. His lips kiss gently over your thighs before he places a kiss to your clit, deciding not to tease too much. You let out a small gasp and grip the sheets as he licks a stripe up your folds. His tongue dips inside and traces patterns and letters, working you slowly and then quickly, devouring you as if he's been waiting for this moment all day. Your moans fill his ears, egging him on while his lips move to suck on your clit, inserting a finger and then another into your center.

Your hands go to his hair, tugging as you look down to him, feeling yourself hovering over the edge. "Tommy." You gasp out through a straggled moan.

He hums and speeds up his movements, encouraging you to come undone. And you do with a string of moans of his name and swears, your legs clenching around his head while your toes curl. Your head spins as Tom slows his movements, helping you ride out your high.

Tom moves over you, his lips meetings yours, allowing you to taste yourself on him. "I love you." He murmurs, this time with much more confidence than before, no quiver.

"I love you, too." You murmur back, your hands cupping his cheeks before one of them reaches over to his nightstand and pulls out a condom.

Tom takes it from you and slides on the latex to his throbbing cock. He positions himself and slides in with ease thanks to your first orgasm. He bottoms out and starts a slow and steady rhythm, the two of you enjoying the feeling of each other.

Your hands glide down his back, tracing over the muscle he's worked too hard to get and his hands are planted on either side of you, arms holding him up. You kiss up his bicep and over his shoulder, before meeting his lips.

Your head falls back onto the pillows as Tom kisses your forehead and his speed increases. One hand at a time, his hands find yours and intertwine your fingers, pulling your arms above your head. His head hangs in the crook of your neck as both of your moans start to get louder and beads of sweat form over your bodies.

Coils build in your stomachs and your hips thrust up to meet his. And soon enough, you're both falling over the edge of your highs. Strings of 'i love you's' and each other's name reverberates against the walls until your highs are ridden out fully.

"Tom?" You whisper, catching your breath.

Tom looks at you, your bodies sticking together with a thin layer of sweat. "Hmm?" He hums with a kiss to your forehead.

"I love you."

Tom could swear his heart soared to the heavens with those three words coming from your mouth first. And he would kill to hear them every day.

"I love you, too." He says and it's said with excitement and confidence, even the smallest tinge of disbelief. "But," He says as he starts moving off of you and starts taking care of the condom. "Stay here and don't get dressed."

Your brows furrow as you sit up on your elbows. "Why...?"

"It's a surprise." He says, winking at you as he gets up and starts walking off.

"Because the balloons and the rose petals and candles weren't enough?" You ask, teasing him with his back to you, giving you a nice view.

"Not for you." Tom states over his shoulder before he leaves the room.

"Aren't you worried that there could be a serial killer in your house? You're just walking around naked and they could kill you. Wouldn't that suck to be killed naked?"

You hear Tom laugh from down the hall before he starts yelling back to you. "No one thinks of that."

"I did!" You sit all the way up and wrap one of Tom's blankets around your shoulders.

"You're weird!" Tom yells back.

"But you love me!"

"I do!" Tom says and all you can hear is him laughing, a sound that makes your heart sing.

But, his laughter is cut off by the sound of running water from the bathroom. It's loud, thundering and echoing into the bedroom and it doesn't stop. It just turns into a splashing sound and you pick up on what Tom is doing.

He returns a few minutes later, still naked. "C'mon." He extends a hand for you and you take it, allowing him to lead you to the bathroom.

Once you get the bathroom, you're met with a bathtub filled with water and bubbles, candles decorated the counter with more rose petals. A bottle of wine and two wine glasses sit on the edges of the tub, positioned for both of you to have a glass. Tom helps you into the tub, the water the perfect temperature and once you're comfortable, Tom joins you, sitting opposite you. You grab your wine glass and hold it out for him to pour you a drink. He does so with ease before pouring himself some.

"Was this okay?" Tom asks, taking a sip of the red wine.

"It's perfect." You state. "I do wonder what all the rose petals and balloons set you back though, there's a lot."

"Too much?" Tom asks with a slight grimace.

You shake your head. "No, it's all perfect and I'm gonna take pictures of every balloon and gather up every rose petal..." You pause for a second, watching Tom's face relax. "Put them in a vase or something."

"Why?" He asks, one of his hands under the water and rubbing your shin.

"Because you put a lot of thought into this and I wanna remember it."

Tom's cheeks tint a shade of pink. "You're worth it." He says as he leans forward, the two of you meeting in the middle to share a wine-flavored kiss. "I've got movies picked out after this, too and made sure your favorite jumper and joggers of mine are clean for you." Tom jerks his head to the side, bringing your attention to your favorite clothing of his, away from the candles with towels and clothing another pair of sweats for him.

"Thank you." You thank him with a kind voice and soft eyes.

Tom returns the smile before kissing you once more.


	27. Birthday Boy

The screen of Tom's laptop illuminated his face as he smiled tiredly at the screen. His earbuds are in both ears and he's laid out shirtless, on his stomach just listening to you talk. Loose and damp curls fall onto his forehead as he shakes his head to something you've said before a tired and small chuckle comes from the back of his throat.

"You seem tired?" You muse.

"Never too tired for you, love." Tom says without missing a beat.

"You've had a long day though, maybe I should let you go." You offer with gentle eyes and a small smile.

"'S alright, don't mind." Tom assures, scratching the bridge of his nose.

"It's your birthday....." You check the clock before looking back at him. "In an hour, don't you wanna be rested?"

"For what?" Tom murmurs. "You're not here, seems a bit pointless." Tom's eyes widen as he teases.

He's away for filming which means you're not actually together for the moment. It's been a few months even and while Tom might be playing it off as a joke, he's definitely bummed he won't be seeing you in person for his birthday.

The two of you have been dating for quite some time and you've gotten into the habit of always spending your birthdays together, breakfast in bed and then movies, all day long with a detour to family. And even if he happened to be working for his birthday, you two always found a way to get you out to him but this year seemed different. You seemed to just not get out of work this time and things didn't really align. So, now, Tom's alone, supposedly miles and miles away from you. That's what he thinks anyway.

You're actually a mile down the road in your own hotel room. Truthfully, you weren't supposed to be able to get out of work. Your job is low on staff and your boss really was supposed to need you but last minute, they were able to find someone to work and cover your shift if you still wanted the weekend off. Of course, you jumped on it with countless thank you's and were quick to call Harry and Sam who helped you get a room just down the street from Tom's so you could surprise him the day of his actual birthday.

If it's gonna be last minute, you really wanted to surprise him. And it's a great idea because you know he'll be surprised and it'll be great, really it will be, but it does hurt a little to see that flicker of sadness in his eyes as he watches the screen of his laptop.

"Sure you and your brothers will find something to do." You muse.

Tom hangs his head with a laugh. "Probably barge in here early as fuck."

"See, better get some sleep then."

Tom holds a soft smile and he knows you're urging him to get to sleep because he doesn't sleep much and you've told him before that he needs more sleep. Work is important but so is sleep.

"Mhm," Tom hums. "Fine." Tom says with reluctance. "Can I call you first thing though?" He asks and it's a little bit of a shy question while the smile falls slightly and his eyes go innocent. "Miss you."

"Of course, Tommy." You bite your lip with the response. "Call me when you wake up."

"Promise you won't send me to voicemail if you're tired?" Tom asks and his cheeks are tinting a quiet shade of pink that makes your heart flutter in your chest

"For you? I'd answer even if I were dead."

Tom lets out a laugh, probably too loud for the people in the room next to his. "You're a dork." He says.

"Yeah, but I'm your dork." You scrunch your nose while Tom's laughter calms down and the same sleepy but soft smile decorates his face.

"I love you, ya know?" Tom says.

"I know and I love you." You say, smile splitting your face. "Goodnight, Tom."

"Goodnight, y/n." Tom says sadly but the smile holds firm before the two of you end the video call.

You lay back in bed, a bit relieved he was too tired to notice you weren't in your shared bedroom or living room. But, there's also touches of bittersweet excitement coursing through your veins. You feel so bad lying to him even though you know he'll understand he won't be mad. He's surprised you countless times but it still sucks to see him sad and all you want to do is make your way to his hotel room right now but the plan is the morning. Harry isn't dropping off the keycard until early so you couldn't just sneak in anyway.

There's also that thrill of knowing you're gonna surprise him and you'll be able to just spend the day with him. You haven't seen him a lot lately and you miss him so much you're sure you won't actually be getting sleep from being so excited to have him in your arms again.

Hours pass and you end up being right. Tom is just down the street in his own hotel and in his own room actually getting sleep while you toss and turn with butterflies bubbling with excitement through your body. It takes everything in you to keep forcing yourself to get more sleep until your alarm goes off and by the time it does, you probably got a total of three hours of sleep but with the excitement you feel to see Tom again in person, it feels like you've had the best sleep of your life. So, you waste no time in showering and getting ready, making sure you wear Tom's favorite sundress as well as his favorite bra and thong, everything just for him.

Harry and Sam stop by right on time and pass off one of Tom's keycards to you while you had off your own, allowing the twins to your room. The three of you don't really exchange much conversation, partially due to the twins both looking like they were just going to go right back to sleep and partially because you were taking the keycard and nearly running out of the door to just get on with it.

* * *

Your stomach bubbled with anticipation and your fingers lightly shook as you got to Tom's hotel and quickly entered the elevator to his floor, walking to his room at as much of a normal pace as you could muster. You gained a few looks from the few people that happened to be awake but you didn't pay any of them much attention as your heart was just set on reaching Tom's room and when you did, you needed to suck in a breath to calm yourself down before inserting the keycard, gaining a green light with the sound of the locks.

As quietly as you could, you pushed the door open and kept your footsteps as light as possible. Tom is a pretty sound sleeper but you really didn't want to risk him waking up with you creeping into his room. It's not exactly what you had in mind. Luckily, you seem to be in the clear.

You come around the corner and see him in bed, blanket pulled halfway down his bare chest as he's laid on his back, snoring quietly. He looks peaceful and you almost feel bad knowing you're about to wake him up but that quickly fades because you know him better than anyone and waking him up like this is never a bad thing.

You rest your bag against the wall and carefully and slowly move onto the bed beside Tom who doesn't even budge. You swear he could sleep through an earthquake sometimes. You move closer to his face, kissing his cheek softly and he groans quietly.

"Wake up, Tommy." You whisper, pressing another kiss to his cheek before moving to his lips and you can feel him smiling against you through his sleep-ridden state.

"Y/n..." Tom mumbles, likely thinking he's dreaming and it takes everything in you not to laugh before you straddle his lap and kiss around his neck, nipping the skin softly, careful not leave a mark where anyone could see it. And that's enough to get his eyes to flutter open.

His heart stops in his chest as a rush of confusion hits him. You're sitting above him, right on his pelvis and your lips are still pressed to his neck and he swears he's asleep but by the way you feel against him, the way you still send shocks of electricity through every part of his body, he knows you're really there.

"Happy birthday." Your voice is lust-filled as you kiss up his jawline and to his lips before sitting up, making eye contact with him.

His eyes are still full of sleep but they're needy and relieved. He starts to gain a smile and it's the quiet one, the one you only get when he's trying not to cry in the middle of the airport after not seeing you for a few months. It's the one he tries to hide because he's so in love with you he could scream and the one that hides the tears of joy when he finally has you in his arms.

"Y/n." Your name sounds different coming from him this time. It's not a tired moan but instead, it's a relieved and love-filled sigh.

"Hey, Tom." You giggle from above him as you bite your lip.

"What're you doin' here?" He asks and he looks so happy your heart wants to explode.

"They found someone to cover my shifts. Harry and Sam helped with a different hotel and flight and then slipped me your room key this morning."

Tom laughs, it's raspy and sounds like the melody you've been missing for so many months. "'Course they were in on it."

"Well, yeah." Your eyes widen as you tease him. "Couldn't do it on my own."

Tom's hands go to your waist and he gives your hips a squeeze. "'M so happy to see you." The relief in his voice is almost heartbreaking, like he's been having a hard time and now he can breathe again.

"I'm happy to see you, too." You bend down and press a deep kiss to his lips. "But, I'ma take care of you right now, yeah?"

Tom lets out a low groan and his back arches from the bed, stretching slightly. "How's that?"

You wink at him and kiss his cheek before pulling the blanket away from the both of you and straddling him once more. You kiss down Tom's chest, feeling him relax as you make your way down to his Calvin Klein's. The band of the box briefs is pulled down by your fingers, Tom lifting himself with his legs to help you get rid of the only remaining fabric he has on. His dick springs up, the tip already a pretty pink with precum coming from the top.

Tom's eyes stare hungrily at you as you situate yourself between his legs and lick from the base of his dick to the very tip, swirling your tongue around. His fists grip the sheets, head thrown back into the pillow while his eyes shut and his hips buck up to your lips slightly while he grunts.

You repeat the action, gauging his reaction and you know he's always sensitive in the morning but this is his birthday and it's been a few months since either of you have had sex so he's that much on edge so you don't spend too much teasing him before taking his length in your mouth.

Tom sighs lowly, his eyes hooded as he opens them and looks down at you, the sight alone could be enough to get him to reach his peak. Your cheeks hollow and Tom's already letting out moans that sound like heaven. His hands come down to your hair, pulling it out of your face and you look up to him through your lashes. The softest and most gorgeous whimper escapes his parted lips while his chest moves with every breath and each breath becomes heavier than the last.

"'M not gonna last." Tom mutters, his hips thrusting up involuntarily while your arm comes up to hold his hips down.

You pull your mouth off of him with a pop. "How do ya wanna get off?" You ask, batting your eyelashes at him. Tom looks at you with his jaw agape and his dick throbbing and begging for more attention. "Like this or inside me or anywhere else?" You offer.

" _Fuck_." Tom swears and his head pushes back into the pillows and it's not even a question how he wants to get off and you know that by the way he's twitching. "Ride me." Tom says, his voice drenched in lust as he sits up and reaches for you.

You climb your way back up Tom's body and he immediately helps take your dress off, slipping it over your head and he gains a grin, eyes landing on the black lace bra and thong. "You wore all this for me?" He asks, brows quirked and that cornered grin makes you roll your eyes while a smile comes to your lips.

"It is your birthday, Tom." You quip.

"You're the best, ya know that?" Tom asks while his hands work around your back, unhooking your bra and allowing it to fall off your shoulders before you toss it to the side with your dress. "And beautiful." Tom whispers, eyes flickering between yours and your exposed breasts.

Tom cups our breasts, your nipples sliding between his fingers as he squeezes. Rushes of heat flood your core as small gasps come from the back of your throat. Tom pinches and twists your nipples, enjoying how your body reacts to him and he's gained a cocky grin, one you don't even mind because he deserves to be cocky in this department. No one makes you feel as good as he does and he knows it all too well.

He leans up, hands falling from your breasts and going to cup your chest, his lips connecting with yours in one deep kiss. You grind against him, Tom moaning against your lips.

"Please." Tom pleads, hips thrusting up to you.

You smile against him before one of your hands lightly pushes him back so his back is flat against the mattress. Tom watches you above him, you sliding your thong to the side with one hand and the other holding his throbbing dick, lining his length up with your soaking core. You sigh as you slide onto him with little strain. Tom matches your sigh, his hips remaining as still as he can manage so you can get used to him being inside you again.

With your hands planted on Tom's chest, you start to bounce on his length. Tom's eyes want to close in bliss and arousal but he can't keep his eyes off of you. Your breasts are bouncing with every move you make and there's something about your clit hitting his pelvis that builds the coil in his stomach, making him reach to it and start rubbing quick and harsh circle on the small bud.

Your moans grow louder and higher pitched with every movement and you can feel yourself getting close, your toes start to curl with every passing second and Tom's eyes are fully trained on you, sending you over the edge. Your orgasm hits hard, you calling Tom's name with multiple curses and Tom follows right after, exploding into you and soon the room is a mixture of the two of you gasping for air while your heads are dizzy on the comedown.

"Best birthday present." Tom mutters as you lay on his chest, his lips close to your ear.

"Mmm," You hum, turning your head to face him. "Happy birthday." You say, this time it's more tired than the first, your heart still slowing down.

"Lemme clean you up." Tom offers, his voice quiet as he moves you off of him, shocks of pleasure still course through you with the movement, your core sensitive.

"Thanks." Heat rises to your cheeks with the word.

Tom heads to the bathroom and grabs a wet towel before coming back and gently cleaning himself off of you. His movements are delicate and precise as you watch him. Your heart swells in your chest and you just love him with everything you have. Even when he looks like a complete mess after sex, sweaty forehead and damp curls sticking all over the place. He's yours and your his.

"I've got my laptop and downloaded your favorite movies." You suggest after Tom leaves the towel by the other dirty ones and goes to his luggage in front of the bed.

"Oh, yeah?" He quirks a brow at you before digging through, looking for fresh clothes.

"We could spend the day here, watch a few movies, maybe.... _exercise_  some more." Your voice is suggestive and all Tom can do is chuckle before tossing you a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt.

"Sounds perfect." He replies, sliding on his own pair of boxer briefs while you put on the clothes he tossed to you.

Tom grabs your bag and you take out your laptop, setting it up just for the two of you. You pull out a few snacks to Tom's surprise, all of them being his favorites. He wraps an arm around you and pulls you as close to him as possible while you let the movie start to play. And sure, maybe exploring would be cool since it's Tom's day off but there's always something special about being in each other's arms that neither of you can resist. So, you spend the day just like that. Curled up in the hotel bed, watching all of Tom's favorite movies with words of 'I love you's' and 'i missed you's.


	28. Teddy Grahams & Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're somewhere between friends and more than friends, how some coffee, some snacks, and a lake changes everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold italics are thoughts!!

The library is quiet, unsurprising with the Friday night, most students either attending a party or catching up on lost sleep from the week. It's actually why you like coming to the library on Fridays after you've attended your classes. Quiet, not super crowded. Overall, it's a pleasant environment. So, you've got your earbuds in, the music quiet while a book is open in front of you and your laptop open to the side for you to type out any notes. The comfort of your study session is almost relaxing and there's only one thing,  _person_ , that could make it better.

**_Tom._ **

Walking in through the library with a navy blue backpack and two coffees in hand is Tom. He's wearing the usual black t-shirt with jeans that are a little too low, his Calvin's would definitely show if he lifted his arms even the slightest bit. A snapback hat is backwards, hiding the mess of curls from the long day of classes. A chord to his earbuds stick out from the collar of his shirt, one earbud still in his ear and when he sees you staring, he gives you a quick smile, one that makes your heart skip.

**_Here we go._ **

Tom takes a seat opposite you and slides you your coffee, your usual, something he definitely knows off the top of his head now. You thank him quietly, taking a sip of your beverage. Tom leans down and opens his backpack, grabbing a book and a notebook followed by a metallic red bag of unopened Teddy Grahams. The bag of snacks is put right in between the two of you for easy access and it always floods your chest with warmth at the offer.

"How's studying?" He asks, opening his textbook and flipping through pages.

"Boring." You huff with a smile as you reach for a few Teddy Grahams.

"Better now that I'm here?" Tom asks flashing you a cheesy grin.

"Yeah, you brought coffee and snacks." You tease and heat creeps up the back of your neck as you bite your lip.

"Mm," Tom hums, leaning over to grab a few Teddy Grahams. "That all I am? Coffee and snack provider?"

"You said it, not me." You quip and Tom gasps maybe a little too loud, hitting his chest over his heart.

"I'm hurt."

"Yeah, you hit yourself pretty hard."

Tom's nose scrunches and his eyes start to crinkle, his head tilting back as he tries not to laugh too loud and disturb the few students around. "Probably gonna bruise."

You match his laugh, covering your mouth with your hand. " _Tom_." Your eyes widen with his name, Tom's heart skipping a beat and his cheeks tinting a rosy pink.

" _Y/n_." Tom mocks.

"Study." Your voice is showing mock-sarcasm as you shake your head.

"Alright, alright." Tom puts his hands up, a pretty smile not moving.

Tom looks down to his book and finds the page he was originally looking for, opening his notebook right after. Your eyes look over to see the words that are barely legible and roll your eyes, a grin coming to your lips. Tom can feel you staring so his eyes meet yours and he sends you a quick wink followed by the scrunch of his nose. Heat rises to your cheeks as you shake your head and go back to your own studying.

**_He's so cute._ **

You met Tom a few months ago at a party. The intentions of the night were not to end up spending most of the night splitting a bag of Teddy Grahams and talking to a random boy with chestnut hair and chocolate eyes but that's exactly what happened.

Your friend had gone off with someone and Tom's friends were all busy either with girls or one of the few drinking games that happened to be going on. It's how you two ended up being the two people alone in a kitchen surrounding by pairs and trios.

It was a little awkward, you standing with a red cup in hand, barely taking drinks and Tom on the other side, every now and then you'd make eyes contact. How could you not? He's gorgeous. But, it was a little awkward randomly making eye contact with a stranger from across the kitchen. Luckily though, Tom had gotten up the courage to finally approach you and introduce himself.

He was sweet and kind with his airy words but his cheeks were that blushed tint and his eyes sparked under the dim lights of the kitchen. He ran his hand through his hair and spoke with his hands, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

 _Nervous_.

He was nervous and he was never nervous around anyone but there's you with pretty eyes and a gorgeous smile. But that didn't stop him talking and eventually, you two got tired of being bumped into and interrupted so Tom offered to go outside with you. He said he had snacks in his car which, for some reason, happened to be a selling point for you.

Maybe you were just hungry and bored of the party, or definitely, you just wanted to keep talking to the boy with pretty eyes and a nice jawline.

The fall was turning into winter so the air was crisp when you had exited the crowded and heated house, walking to Tom's car. You shivered and without even thinking, he offered you a coat he had in the back of his car. You'd taken it shyly and it smelled of fresh cologne but had a boyish scent you couldn't pinpoint as anything in particular, turns out, it's just  _Tom._

He'd grabbed a bag of Teddy Grahams from his car and the two of you sat on the hood of his car with the music from the house echoing in the background, just talking for hours. The two of you ended up so enthralled in getting to know each other, you went through two bags of Teddy Grahams, the cold became irrelevant, and the party started to die down. It was then Tom offered you a ride back to your dorm.

When you got back to your dorm, you swapped numbers and you asked if he wanted to get coffee the following day, continue to get to know each other. And that was the start of the routine of sharing the snacks with a coffee.

Now, an hour's passed and Tom looks up to you. His eyes soften as he sees you concentrating on working between your book and your laptop, your only focus on your studies. Every part of him just turns soft and he can't really peel his eyes off of you as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

Truth be told, he's been into you since the night of the party but it's college and neither of you really explicitly stated if you really liked each other even though it's obvious. And neither of you really ever said if you wanted to be dating. You said you were both single but that was pretty much as far as the conversation ever went. The two of you have hung out and you've held hands, had a few movie nights that definitely ended in you falling asleep on his chest or shoulder once or twice, and you've definitely attended a party or two together. But you're totally not actually dating. But you're more than friends. Complicated but neither of you complains. You just look up and Tom immediately looks back down, blushing furiously while you smile to yourself.

Tom lightly kicks your shin from under the table, not enough to inflict pain, just enough to get your attention. When you look up to him, he's got a cornered smirk and his eyes are glued to his notebook while his pen glides across the paper. Your eyes narrow before you do the same gesture, not hard to inflict pain, just enough to grab his attention.

"What?" Tom asks innocently, big brown eyes looking to you with brows pinched together and a soft pout coming to his lips.

"You kicked me." You let out a mixture of a huff and a laugh.

"No, I've been studying, see." Tom says, twisting the notebook around so you can see the sorry excuse for handwriting in blue ink.

"You kicked me,  _Thomas_." You say again and Tom laughs.

"Why would I do that," Tom keeps up the innocent act. " _Y/n_?"

Your eyes go wide while your cheeks start to ache from smiling, Tom nudging your leg with his again from under the table. His laugh is quiet, muffled by his hand before you grab a Tedd Graham and toss it at him, hitting him in the throat. Tom coughs and it's your turn to laugh now, Tom fumbling for the small snack and finding it on his lap before tossing it into his mouth.

"Wasn't nice of you. Could at least aim for my mouth next time." Tom quips.

"Your mouth was covered, smartass." You reach over and toss another one at him, hitting his nose before he catches it with his hand.

"You're not very good at this." Tom remarks, shrugging his shoulders and the two of you go to reach for a Teddy Graham at the same time, fingers brushing together and suddenly his cheeks are bright red and you feel the heat creeping up to yours.

"Sorry." Tom mutters through his blush, letting you have the bag.

"It's okay." You bite your lip and grab a Teddy Graham. "Ready?"

Tom grins and leans back a little. "Go."

You toss the mini snack and Tom catches it in his mouth this time. His eyes shoot open and his arms fly into the air, eliciting a laugh from you that's way too loud to be in a library. Tom's nose scrunches again as he tries to hold back his laughter and he just watches as you slap your hand over your mouth after gaining a few glares and "sh"'s from the nearby students.

**_You're incredible._ **

You turn around and apologize the students behind you and Tom does the same to the ones on the other side before the two of you look back at each other. You stick your tongue out at him and get Tom to stifle a laugh before he shakes his head, the stubborn stray curl falling in front of his forehead.

The two of you get back studying over the next two hours. And every now and again, there are a few stolen glances with heated cheeks and bitten lips to conceal smiles. His eyes are always soft when he looks at you as you work, admiring you and just being happy this is how he spends his Friday nights. With you, some Teddy Grahams, and some coffee. Others might want to be at parties or catching up on sleep and yeah, Tom would like either of those two things, too but they don't beat hanging out with you. They don't even come close, not the same playing field.

"Hey," Tom taps your hand with a pen, you looking up to him with raised brows and a hum. "Uh, you 'bout ready? Getting kind of late." Tom shrugs, giving you a nervous smile that tells you he's probably just tired of studying but he doesn't wanna leave without you.

You look at the time and see it's just after eleven. "Yeah, I could shower and sleep." You sigh, closing your laptop.

The two of you work on packing up all of your things, Tom grabbing the empty bag and empty coffee cups to toss in the trash before coming back to your table. By the time he gets back, you've got a light jacket on and your backpack hanging off of one shoulder as you push in your chair.

Tom slings his own backpack over his shoulder and meets you at the end of the table before the two of you head out but as you start walking, Tom reaches over to you and takes your backpack from you. He smiles shyly, shugging it on the same shoulder as his backpack and you bump him lightly before cautiously and carefully reaching between the two of you and brushing your hand against his.

It's like a bomb of butterflies explodes through Tom's stomach with the brush of your hand as he looks between the two of you. He reaches for your fingers and interlocks them, connecting your hands with the same caution you used. When he feels your chilled fingers wrapped around the front of his hand, he lets out a shallow breath and smiles to himself and then at you.

The walk is quiet besides your footsteps a few crickets in the background allowing for a nice walk. Tom's thumb rubs over the back of your hand and you have to smile, it's like a reflex now. He does anything and it makes you smile ear-to-ear and your stomach twists and turns with butterflies. There's just something about him that pulls you in.

"Hey..." Tom starts running a hand through his hair as you two reach just outside your dorm building. "A-are you busy tomorrow?" He asks, biting his bottom lip and his brows lift with hope.

You look to your shoes and back to him, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as best as you can. "No, I was probably going to read, catch on shows. Maybe. Why?" You ask and there's hope rising in your chest too.

"Well," He rubs the back of his neck. "A few of my friends are goin' to the lake and I was wondering, if you wanted, maybe you'd go, too?" Tom asks and normally his words flow like a slow current of a river but right now, his words are like raging rapids. Uneasy and nervous.

**_Say yes, please. Please, say yes._ **

"Um.." You start but Tom cuts you off.

"You can--" Tom sucks in a breath, realizing his sentence was going to come out too fast. "You can bring a friend...if you want." Tom offers, hoping that if you could bring a friend, maybe you'd feel more comfortable to be around him and his friends. You haven't really hung out with Tom and his friends before, not a group anyway. You've met most of them but not in anything bigger than a group of three.

"Will Harrison be there?" You ask.

Tom nods, and his heart sinks a little. "Yeah, yeah he will be."

"I'll bring my roommate if she isn't busy." You give Tom a smile and suddenly, his heart is in his throat and are you saying you're going to come? "She thinks he's cute."

"So, you'll go?" Tom asks and his eyes are brighter than the moon above you with the question.

You nod quickly. "Yeah, sounds fun." You chew your bottom lip and Tom looks like he's going to shoot out of his skin.

"Cool, awesome. Yeah." Tom says quickly, making you giggle. "I'll see you tomorrow then, I'll text you the time." Tom rushes, before he starts to walk away, completely ecstatic you said you'd go.

"Tom?" You stand there, pointing to him.

"Yeah?"

"You have my backpack."

"Oh!" Tom says, quickly coming back and returning your backpack to you. "Sorry."

"It's okay." You lean up to him and kiss his cheek before turning to the door, tugging it open. "Don't forget to text me the time."

Tom's eyes are wide and the spot where you kissed him is warm, his cheeks about as red as a fire engine and his stomach is swarming while he's completely giddy with excitement.

"Okay." Tom says, trying to keep his cool before you enter the building.

Once the door is shut, Tom starts to walk off, looking to the sky and he does a little twirl in the grass before it turns into a small few second dance with each step. He doesn't know it, but you definitely saw it through the window, leaving you laughing to yourself and for some reason, it makes you like him even more than you already do, if that's even possible.

**_Dork._ **

* * *

The next day comes around the sun is already high in the sky, temperatures reaching well into the eighties with high humidity making it feel hotter than it actually was which only made it a better day to spend at the lake. So, Tom's there with a group of his friends, all of them besides him and Harrison having someone on their hip, and he sets up a towel for himself and his things, a small cooler sitting at the edge.

Meanwhile, you're on your way with your roommate who's maybe just as eager to see Harrison as you are Tom. It's a good thing the lake isn't too far off campus so the drive is short and you're there in no time.

Your roommate parks the car and the two of you walk across the small graveled lot and into the grass where most everyone has a towel set up for themselves and mini coolers besides them. Tom spots you immediately and his cheeks flush as he waves, mentally kicking himself for actually waving but you wave back and head over to him, your roommate wishing you luck and heading off to Harrison who's with a couple.

"Hey." You greet and take your towel from underneath your arm and set up beside Tom's.

"Hey." Tom smiles back, watching you and helping adjust your towel from where he's sat. "Drive okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." You nod, taking a seat beside him. "Mostly listened to music."

"Cool." Tom says and it falls silent between the two of you.

You both look out to the lake where a few of Tom's friends were standing about knee deep, the guys trying to get the girls, presumably their girlfriends, to come into the water farther. Their laughter and teasing pleas echoed around the water and through the trees around the lake. Tom glances at you and he needs to say something, anything at all. He can usually find something to say but it's just a little different right now. Everyone is kind of paired off as couples, besides Harrison and your roommate but that might change within a few hours anyway, and then there's you two.

 _In between_.

"Are you hungry?" Tom asks, breaking the silence as he leans forward for his cooler.

"Do you have Teddy Grahams again?" You ask, a teasing smile coming to your face while Tom opens the lid.

He pulls out the silver and red bag flashing you a cheesy grin. "Always." He says smoothly, handing the bag to you before going back to the cooler. "I made sandwiches." Tom's smile turns more nervous than teasing. "You said this was your favorite."

You blush, taking the sandwich wrapped in cling wrap from him, seeing that it is your favorite. "Thanks, Tom."

Tom nods with a gentle smile while he reached for his own sandwich and follows it with two bottles of water, one for you and one for him. You take yours gratefully and the two of you start on your lunch.

You didn't really think he'd pack a lunch. You expected Teddy Grahams since it's almost a joke between the two of you but he pays attention to the things you like. The table in the library, your specific seat at that table, the sandwich you almost always have for lunch when you eat together, your coffee order and where you get your coffee from. Tom pays attention more than you really thought he would and again, it's just making you fall harder for him.

And the conversation between you starts to pick up. Tom mostly asks about your summers and you do the same, finding out Tom spent a lot of his summers doing everything and anything. Traveling, time spent on the soccer field, skateboarding on occasion, a lot of swimming, surfing if he happened to be vacationing somewhere that made it possible, nights spent with friends at lakes and in fields drinking. It's been obvious he's not a homebody exactly but he definitely does a lot more than you expected and if you could sit and listen to him talk about every story he has about his summers, you would. And he would do the exact same, him hanging onto every word of your previous summers.

By the time you're both done eating, Tom's friends and your roommate are egging the two of you to join them in the water. There's a bit of hesitance but you both agree, but only after sunscreen is applied.

Tom offers to rub some onto your back, around the straps of your swimsuit once you've taken off your over your shirt. His hands are careful and gentle across your skin, making sure not to miss a spot and not overstep even though it's just sunscreen.

"Think you're good." Tom says, leaning of your shoulder with a soft smile.

You turn your head to look at him and suddenly your faces are only a few centimeters away from the other and there's that moment where you both aren't breathing. Your breath is held and your hearts thunder like a midnight storm in your chests. Tom's eyes look between yours and your lips and he's so close to asking, leaning in and then you're pulled away by yelling.

"Come on!" Harrison yells. "Get on with it!" Harrison chortles, earning a light smack over his shoulder by your roommate.

You look back to Tom and he hangs his head with a soft laugh, trying to brush off the anxiety of him almost kissing you. "Ready?" He asks looking back to you.

"Sure." You brush it off as well and Tom helps you to your feet, the both of you walking off to the water.

The water is cold but it doesn't take long to get used to. And before you know it, there's laughter with the entire group of people, you and your roommate merging right in as if you'd been friends with everyone the whole time. Eventually, it leads to a few games of chicken, you on top of Tom's shoulders and your roommate on top of Harrison's. You definitely won most of the rounds but the few that you didn't win, you couldn't very well complain.

You were first into the water, Tom right after you and he came up, shaking his hair, droplets of water falling down his muscular chest. The sight was very pretty and you had half a mind to keep losing to keep getting the sight but you figured maybe that's a little mean. But it's a nice thought.

Eventually, the sun starts to set and the day of lake fun comes to an end. Tom's friends all pack up, one-by-one and soon enough, your roommate is asking if it's okay if she takes Harrison back and you can ride with Tom. It's an easy decision to which she quickly thanks you for and her and Harrison are off to her car, Harrison's arm draped around her shoulders.

"In the mood for coffee?" Tom chuckles as he nudges your shoulder with his, the two of you off to his car.

"I'm always in the mood for coffee, haven't you figured that out yet?" You tease.

"Oh, my apologies, miss." Tom dramatically moves both of his hands to his chest, fluttering his eyes at you.

"Shut up." You roll your eyes but nudge him back, cheeks aching from smiling.

The two of you pile into Tom's car, him resting your things and his in the back. He lets you choose the music to which you just choose one of Spotify's "what's popular" playlists and let the music fill the car.

Tom's fingers tap to the music and every and now and then, he glances over at you while you're looking out the window, watching the sun finally disappear. The lights going back to campus illuminate your face and it sends heat up Tom's neck and to his cheeks, his stomach fluttering and all he wants to do is really ask you to go a real date with him. To be something more than just this in between. It's great and he's fine with it, but he wants a little more. He wants you if you'll have him.

Tom swings by one of your favorite coffee shops and gets you both your usual before you head back to campus and instead of dropping you off at your dorm, you ask if he wants to walk. If you're being honest, you just want to spend more time with him and it's so nice outside, on a Saturday night. There's no harm in asking and Tom nearly completely jumps at the opportunity wanting to spend more time with you, too. So, Tom drives to the parking lot he uses and the two of you grab your things and make the walk to your dorm, your fingers interlocking with his just as they did the night prior.

Unfortunately, the walk back to your dorm seemed to be much quicker than usual. Maybe it was the constant conversation the two of you maintained and the laughter, Tom teasing you and nudging you while you squeezed his hand. Or maybe it was the new found energy from the coffee in your hands. Or maybe it's definitely that you don't want to say goodnight.

"So," Tom sucks in a breath, standing in front of you, your eyes spotting the light bit of sunburn on the bridge of his nose. "Was fun today." Tom says.

"Yeah, I had fun." You give him a wide smile. "We should do it....again?" You leave it as a question, making it his choice to finish it, hoping that he wants to.

"Yeah, for sure." Tom nods quickly before looking to his shoes, nerves building in his body as he tries to build up the courage.

**_Ask. Just do it._ **

"Um," Tom looks back up to you and you can see the nerves written in the creases of his forehead. "I really like you." Tom's words are breathy.

"I like you, too." You respond and you want to completely combust. It was obvious you both liked each other but the verbal confirmation just relieves so much pressure from both your shoulders and his shoulders.

"You do?" Tom asks, his face softening and his brows raising.

"Yeah!" You giggle.

"Well," Tom takes a step forward, sucking in a breath of courage. "I've wanted to kiss you for...." Tom trails off, his eyes looking to the side before they meet yours. "A long time, since we met, I think." Tom lets a chuckle come from the back of his throat. "Could I kiss you?"

You don't answer. Instead, you close the distance between the two of you and connect your lips to his. He tastes like a mixture of espresso and chocolate, lips warm but a little chapped but it's more than what you had imagined. And Tom leans in closer to you, using the hand that doesn't contain his coffee to grip your hip and bring you flush against his body. It's like a firework store completely explodes through Tom's entire body with your lips finally against his and he needs to pull away, just for a second.

"Wow." He whispers, his forehead resting against yours.

"I wanted...to do that, too." You whisper back, biting your lip.

"Wanna go on a real date? Just me and you?" He asks, eyes so soft you could melt into them.

"I'd like that." You nod against him before Tom presses his lips against yours once more, this time the kiss deeper and hungrier than the one before. And you both know this is the start of something incredible.


End file.
